My Grandfather's Lesson

A month ago, my grandfather died. He was one of my most favorite persons in my life.  There are very few times in my life that I ever remember him being mad at me. My grandfather adored me; and I adored him back.  He was very proud of me, always bragging about my going to college down in "Alleghenia" as he called it.

I admired him: my Papa had been born in Italy during the Great Depression, he had been in the Italian army before WWII broke out, and then was forced to continue serving during the war.  He left Italy, seeing it as a place where there were limited opportunities.  After receiving a letter from relatives in Canada, he traveled by boat from Naples to Hailifax, Nova Scotia, with, as he told me, $10 in his pocket.  Most of that money was gone by the time he paid for train passage and food to Niagara Falls, Ontario.  He worked at the Gerber Baby Food factory and met my grandmother at a dance.  In 1960 he, my grandmother, mother, and uncle moved to the states and took up residence in Niagara Falls, New York.  He and my grandmother traveled- to California, to Atlantic City, to my great-uncle's cottage up on Lake George.  At 65, 6 months after I was born, he retired from the Brick Layer's Union and with my grandmother took care of me most days while my mother was at work. 

He liked to give me phases of advice, such as: "You gotta marry the President's son" and "You gotta go to college, you can't wash the dishes."  Quite the forward feminist thinker, yet conservative mindset my grandfather had there.  He told me some stories about growing up in Italy and some about the war- never the ones I asked about, however.  The war stories were minimal and usually full of jokes.  As though it was a time he had blocked out of his memory.  I however, I wanted to know as much as I could. I wanted to know in what battles my grandfather had been engaged in.  Yet, I never will know the answer to those questions now. 

He told me of loss. The loss of his cousin/best friend during the war.  When I came to him with a broken heart over a boy, he made it seem like he understood- always telling me that there is someone better out there. Many other boys.  That it would happen for me.  [I just wish he could have seen it come true.]

So many conversations; so many afternoons spent in the summer sun or in the front room;  Chauffering him to Canada to see his sister; Getting him something to drink; Hearing him call me "dollie."

I learned so much from him. I didn't think I was like him at all (except for maybe my temper at times), but as he was lying in the hospital this past March, barely saying a word, I realized that I was very much like him. 

I saw that there was nothing for me where I had grown up.  Yes, Western New York was a great place to live; just like Rome had been for him, but there wasn't anything there for me.  The only thing that was keeping me there was my family and I was an adult now and needed to make my own way.  A different way. 

While his leaving and journey were probably more leaps of faith than mine were, the reason behind the leap was the same: the chance at a better life for myself and my future.  I like to imagine the life I'm forging here in Georgia will be the place where I meet my future husband and have my children...I wonder if my grandfather thought the same way about being in Canada.

And hopefully, just like my grandfather, the leap of faith, the chance I am taking so far away from home will bring me a greater and more grander life than I could only dream of when I was living in Western New York. 

One Year Later

They always say, you never know what can happen. You never know where your life will take you.  This year/ the past 2 years, those sentiments are ringing true.

June 1, 2010- I was a week into taking my first semester of classes for my Master of Science in Secondary Education.  I was going to be a teacher. Or at least...that was the plan.  I was still a little unsure that this was what I wanted to do.  I wasn't sure I would be a good teacher.

June 1, 2010- I was back to living with my family as I attended grad school.

June 1, 2010- Maj and I were dating. I was on the cusp of deciding that I didn't want to move down to North Carolina to be with him in September. This is where the hardcore fighting began. 

** One Year Later**

I feel like, if this were a movie, there would be this great instrumental number in the background. The scene would fade to black with the writing, centered at the bottom of the screen, telling the audience that a year has passed since those aforementioned scenes occurred.  Sending the subliminal message that much has changed in the main character's path.

June 1, 2011- 11 days ago I graduated from the Masters program.  Today, I received notification from the state that my application for Teacher Certification has been accepted.  I am legally certified to be a professional teacher.  I can now get paid to do what I thoroughly enjoy! (Just have to find that job!)

June 1, 2011- 10 days ago I moved from my parent's house to an apartment in Georgia.  If you've read any of my blog posts from last fall you might notice that I fell in love with this place back in late September- early October when I came to see a Luke Bryan concert and visit with my cousin.  I knew then that this was where I wanted to start the next phase in my life.  So here I am! Trying to start that next phase!! Trying to shape my dreams into reality!

June 1, 2011- Maj and the drama is a distant memory. I feel like a completely different woman- mostly because I am.  I won't settle. I won't let someone put down my dreams and goals. I don't want someone who just wants me to be with them and not strive for my own personal satisfactions in life.  The girl I was back in June 2010 has left the room.  She has grown up. She knows what she wants. She is doing the best she can at getting it and she only wants people in her life who are supportive and loving.

So what has the main character learned from all this, besides, "a lot can happen in a year?" A lot can happen in a year only if you listen to your heart, go with your gut, and JUMP. Life is about taking chances.  Life can't change in a year if chances aren't taken. 

Regular Joe

"Regular Joe," by Ashton Shepherd is one of my favorite songs.  In the last few months I have been dating a man who fits the description of Ashton's "Regular Joe." He is a very good man.  He is honest with me; more importantly he seems to be honest with himself & know himself.  He is fun, educated, interesting, driven, and quite caring.

I met Joe about two years ago, but it wasn't until this past December that I started to see what he had to offer. He is all those things I have dreamed of and wanted to find in a man.  You know the man you dream up as Mr. Right? Well maybe he isn't exactly Mr. Right, but Joe has certainly checked off many of the boxes I always wanted to be filled, but never were with any of the other guys I dated. 

I have finally begun to see what real happiness might be with another person. Our time together is limited but when we are together I experience this calm happiness. My mind quiets, I laugh even more than I normally do, and I feel myself growing as a person.  It just feels "right." It feels good.

I feel very comfortable around him. While I still try to impress him by getting dolled up, etc. to me, being with Joe is like slipping on my Allegheny College sweatpants after being in a pencil skirt all day at work.  I can get around him and just slip into my "real" self. 

I don't know if Joe and I will ever officially be a couple.  There are many reasons for that. But what Joe has given me is some assurance.  There is another person out there who can check off most of the boxes I have for "Mr. Right." There is a person out there, besides my best friends, who I can be myself with, while I still try to impress him a little.  Joe knows the "real me" and luckily he hasn't run for the hills yet. 

http://youtu.be/go-VeP4A2m8 Check out "Regular Joe"

Look at These Photographs

As I look at the photographs that I shoved in my closet back in September, I do not feel anything. In fact, I don't recognize that girl or that boy who stood there smiling together.  I know that one point my heart overflowed with love for him. But now, I can't even call up a small amount of that feeling.  Or even a feeling of missing him.

When I drove to Georgia two weeks ago, I realized I have transformed so much of myself in the last several months. It started back last May and it has continued. The woman I am today is not the same girl I was last May, or June, or even September.  So much loss, commotion, and grief has been felt by my heart in the last year. On account of that, when I look at those photographs of Maj and I, don't recognize him and I seriously don't recognize myself. I feel like I am looking at pictures of myself from high school; that's how changed I feel I have become in the last year.

24 Goals Update

So it is now March...3 months into my 24th year on this Earth.  Figured I'd update you on what I have accomplished in the last 90ish days.

1. Rock my student teaching semester. Conquer it. Learn. Become a better teacher.This is definitely happening! I start my next placement on Wednesday but I rocked my first student teaching placement.  Both my cooperating teachers agreed I have chosen the right profession. My supervisor even said I am well on her [my] way to having her [my] own classroom." :)

15. Gain a more professional demeanor.
Still in progress, but I have certainly come into my own professional demeanor. This was specifically pointed out to me when I presented at a Social Studies conference this past Friday to veteran teachers.  Yes, a student presented to teachers.

On an unprofessional note, I'm totally bad ass & def got sawg.

17. Try 24 new beers, rather than the old standbys
Ok, I haven't gotten to 24 yet, but I'm working on it. What I've tried:
Ithica Smoked Porterhouse- tastes burnt/smoked. No thanks!
Sweetwater Brew 420- ehh it's all right
Sierra Nevada- LT said the draft was old, so I don't think I got the real flavor. Definitely have to try it again.
Brickyard Porter- pretty nice, I'd drink it every once and a while
Sam Adam's Pildsilfjdfj- I can't remember the name, but it's new & I don't like it. Too much after flavor.
Smithwycks- Had this on St. Patty's Day...definitely better than that first Irish beer I had that night!

I know I've tried a few others, but seriously I haven't been impressed. Molson Canadian is still #1 in my book.

22. See Luke, Lady A, and Dierks in concert.
Well I saw one of them- LUKE!! Actually won the concert tickets at the end of January! Freaking awesome experience! Read: Meeting  & Greeting Luke Bryan blog post.

24. Bring my 1.5mile time down from 13:30 to 12:00.I have brought my time down at the gym when I time myself on my sweet Ironman 30 Lap watch.  Currently running about a 12:05 1.5mile and a 16:25 2 mile. Go me!

Pearl Kind of Girl

Being single has made me realize just what a great woman I am. Most guys like cubic zirconia, but honey I'm a pearl. I'm real & I keep growing more and more fabulous everyday. If you want a fake, cheap girl, you can have her. I'll wait for the man who understands how rare and precious pearls really are. Until then, I'll be growing more fabulous, reaching my goals, creating bigger dreams, and helping the world. Don't worry, her shine will wear off soon. ~ L.G.

Actions > Words...Right?

Every girl loves compliments. We love it when guys we are dating or crushing on are cutesy with us. Girls eat that stuff up. We want to feel special. I am no different, I'll admit it.

However, after dating several guys who would pack on the compliments & the cutesy stuff heavy and from the start...who ended up several weeks later, basically cutting me down with their comments and forgetting they ever thought I was "beautiful," "amazing," "the perfect girl," "exactly what I've been waiting for"... I decided that what I wanted was a guy to be real with me. To not think of me as this special girl to be put on a pedestal [because I kept falling every time I was placed there].  I didn't want anymore cutesy "baby" crap after every sentence uttered to me. No, I wanted to be seen as an equal.

Well ladies & gentlemen, I have finally gotten my wish!

The downside to my wish that I didn't realize when I made it: All that cutesy crap helped me to identify that a guy was into me. Without it I have been struggling to know whether or not a guy is into me.  It's not so clear when you are treated like an equal.  Now it is all about him showing me, demonstrating to me that he cares.  And since I see the good in people, I tend to believe he does these sorts of things for everyone in his life that he doesn't hate. What can I say, sometimes L.G. is a complicated woman!

I'm not saying that cutesy stuff isn't uttered...but it isn't the constant bombardment of those words anymore.  Which in my head [somehow] translates now to: << He only likes me sometimes.>>

Although it has caused more complications...more speculation, I think I might be on the right track.  As we all know, actions speak louder than words.  Often times words are simply the thing we say to get what we want. Actions are what we do to prove, to explain, to declare our true feelings.