Meeting Luke Bryan

Well, it happened. I have met a celebrity.  I was lucky enough at the end of January to win not only tickets to the Chris Morgan, Luke Bryan, & Rascal Flatts concert, but I also won tickets to a meet & greet opportunity with none other than LUKE BRYAN!!

I was so excited and shocked that words can not properly describe it.  So my best friend Alisha & I drove 6 hours to Dayton, Ohio for the show & meet and greet!!!!


I was estatic, as we were the first girls in line to meet Mr. Bryan! :) He spoke to me in his sweet Southern drawl and I melted on the spot as I told him I had driven from Buffalo to see him that evening (however, I left out the fact that I had driven 14 hours to Carrollton, GA to see him in September & 16 hours to Duluth, GA to see him in November--minor details!!)


So feel free to feel what I want you to feel- jealous of my awesome oppotunity! But the reason I am bragging/sharing my experience is the fact that I can cross off another thing off my Before I'm 30 List. Who knew I'd have the amazing chance to do it so soon after it's creation?! And who knew I'd win this chance off his website?!?!


And if you haven't looked Luke Bryan up yet and listened to some of his stuff, especially his EP special song, you really need to get on it!!! http://www.lukebryan.com/

It's a Crazy Town

Roll into town, step off the bus
Shake off the where you came from dust
Grab you guitar, walk down the street
Sign says Nashville, Tennessee
But I have found

It's a crazy town, full of neon dreams
Everybody plays, everybody sings
Hollywood with a touch of twang
To be a star you gotta bang, bang, bang

Bend those strings 'til the Hank comes out
Make all the drunk girls scream and shout
We love it, we hate it, we're all just trying to make it
In this crazy town -- Jason Aldean, "Crazy Town."

Last week I finally made it to Nashville! Now, unlike Jason Aldean, Luke Bryan, and Dierks Bentley, I wasn't there looking to be a star. Kristen and I went down I-65S looking to have some fun on a Friday night down on Broadway.  And we did!

I loved Nashville instantly, as we rounded the corner of 3rd Ave to Broadway.  There, on both sides of the street were bars with a band playing in each one. I had reached bliss.  As Kristen and I tried to decide which one to go into first, I couldn't help but wonder if these were bars that some of my favorite country singers had performed at on a Friday night.

The street was alive and the bars were alive. They weren't terribly crowded, where you turned caustraphobic, but they weren't dead either. The bars we went into were a perfect blend of people. There were older people but also younger people. And what was blissfully pleasant was the absence of girls who were auditioning for the Jersey Shore. 

And I felt alive with the combination of some amazing bands playing live and the chance to dance! I've felt alive when it came to inimate live bands performing since my 15th birthday when I saw Seven Day Faith at the Hard Rock Cafe. I love how loud it is. I love how you feel as though you are part of a performer's experience and memory in those settings. Not only are they helping you to have a great time, but you're helping them have a great night as well. 

I could move to that crazy town and be a bartender at one of those places on Broadway and just be happy with life. Broadway would be my islands, without a doubt.


Becky McCloud at The Stage



I Got a Feeling

My intuition speaks to me often. I get a feeling about most stuff in my life.  This includes places I visit.

On my road trips, I have hit up a few different areas in Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Tennessee, Virginia, New York, North Carolina, and Georgia.  And from there I have started to accumulate feelings for these places. Places I would love to live. Places I think are interesting to visit. Places I'd be content never seeing again.

When I go to these places, I get a feeling. I feeling that tells me exactly how I feel about that little place in this world.

The places I never want to see again are places that feel of hurt. There is destruction without a sense of hope permeating from its ground.  It's not that these places aren't beautiful. They might be the prettiest vistas in the entire world, but the hurt, the hurt just lingers in the air like smoke from an old industrial chimney. 

There are places that interest me. They hold a charming spell over my imagination and creativity.  Mostly these places, like the most interesting of people, are descendants to a long, lively, and interesting past. 

Then, there are places I would love to spend part of my time here in this world.  Places that bring me hope and peace. That calm that restlessness in my soul by being restless for me.  They are lively, interesting, wild, and beautiful. These places already feel like a part of me when I stumble upon them. I feel welcomed by the air that surrounds me.  The welcome and the peace is whispered in the airs. It falls with the rain.  I know that I am in a place that could possibly be intimately part of my world, future, and happiness.

It all comes from within me. I feel it. My intuition tells me that this place can be home for a gypsy soul.

On My Highway

There is an all too familiar saying that states that "everything happens for a reason." It is followed by a statement that declares, "sometimes something good has to fall apart, so that something better can fall together."

While I do occasionally subscribe to the fact that better things can fall together after something falls apart, I often have time believing that everything happens for a reason.  Mostly it is hard to believe that line because then I am searching for a reason why my dreams did not work out. An obvious sign that says, "well if that would have happened, this couldn't have." Oftentimes it is too hard to see that clear cut event.

However, for once, I see that "everything happens for a reason."

If I had still been with Maj, dating or married, these last 8 weeks or so would not occurred.  At least, not the way in which they did.

I have been out on the highway for the last several weekends.  I have traveled to cities that I have only ever really read or heard about. I have been able to see my best friends, who I haven't seen in months. I have gone to 2 amazing concerts that have helped healed my heart with passion, excitement, and adventure.

If Maj and I had been together I would have been spending my weekends in Fayetteville. I wouldn't have been able to go to my college's homecoming weekend with friends, gone to the Luke Bryan concert in Carrollton, rock the dance floor on Broadway St. in Nashville with Kristen, or randomly take a drive down to Gatlinburg. 

In a way he was limiting my experiences and adventures.  I just didn't realize it until I was forced to go alone on my highway.

Maybe things do happen for a reason...

Long Distance Relationship Girl

I've come to realize that I am the girl who gets herself into one long distance relationship after the other.  I don't understand how I got here. I mean, I understand when it started (age 15, Jeremy in Georgia), but I don't know how I got to the point in my life where I seem to always have a boyfriend out of state. It's like that is what I am most comfortable with or something. And how did I get to the point, where I want a long distance relationship? Where the heck did that come from?!?!

I had a local relationship once. It was back in high school. Kevin and I lived a total of 8 minutes from one another.  Then we both went to different colleges and I went to visit him nearly every weekend.  I was living two lives. My school life; my boyfriend/social life.  This is where it all started.

I transferred schools, to be at the same one as his. We only truly dated a total of 2 weeks while attending the same college. Next came Scott. He lived back at home, I lived down in Pennsylvania while going to school. He came to visit me. School during the week; boyfriend/social time on the weekend.  Then came Brandon. We got together a few weeks before the semester ended.  Work during the week; boyfriend/social time on the weekend as we both traveled to and from Pittsburgh. 

When Brandon and I started our senior year together, I hated dating him much of the time. He wanted to be together all the time. He always wanted to know what I was doing. He was jealous that I spent much of my time doing sorority stuff.  We did our homework together. I barely ever went out with friends, and when I did he would get angry with me if I got drank with them.  I never wanted to go out to the bar with him or go to parties with him. He always wanted us to sleep in the same bed together. I couldn't stand being around him...yet the relationship dragged on throughout the fall semester.

Then came Zach. I knew him from high school and he had recently come back from a 15 month tour in Iraq when we started dating. He was stationed down in North Carolina.  Zach and I were together about 6 weeks before I too, moved south.  3 weeks later, we had broken up, after I had moved down there, and attempting to have a local relationship.

Immediately after that I started to date Cerda. He too wanted to be around me all the time. He had a key to my apartment. We spent much of our free time together and he would text me constantly throughout the day. I acquiesced. I thought this was how local relationships worked. But I grew tired of it. I grew sick of him. I wanted to date other guys. 

A little later came Maj. He left for a 12 month tour in Iraq right as we began dating. The longest, long distance relationship I have ever been in.  There was line drawn in that relationship too. I have my life, he had his. We were together when he was stateside. And when we were together it was like a vacation. It was spent in hotel rooms and restaurants, living out of a suitcase. We had discussed me moving down to North Carolina once he returned from Iraq. I was nervous that he would get sick of me and break up with me; or that we would end up fighting constantly. 

In sum: I have not had a local relationship that I have enjoyed since high school. And I do not remember how I split time between my life, my goals, my social time, and my boyfriend. I don't know that I really did then.  So much was intertwined together because we went to the same high school and had the same group of friends.  I don't remember how often we talked on the phone, or text. I don't remember how much time we spent together on the weekend. 

I don't want to be this girl anymore, though. Being the Long Distance Relationship Girl is probably not going to get me Mr. Right...because Mr. Right will probably want to share the same address with me.  Yet, I don't know how to bridge the gap. I don't know how to date locally. I don't know how I am supposed to keep separate, yet still co-mingle my social life with my career.  I don't know how often I am supposed to talk to a local boyfriend.  I haven't operated locally, and happily, since 2005.

Before I'm 30 List

People always refer to their Bucket List. The things in life they want to do before they die. Me, on the other hand, I'm a bit more ambitious. I want to have as many adventures and things crossed off my list by the time I'm 30. Why wait until I am old, have decaying bones, poor health, mortgage, possible spouse, children, grandchildren, and medical bills to worry about? More responsibility. The only things I have to worry about these days are my career, paying back student loans, and my car note. Just me. These are minimal in comparison. These are the days to conquer my list!

So my list:
1. Backpack/travel to England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, France, Germany, Italy (again), Greece, Denmark, Sweden, Russia, Mexico, Peru....Quebec....maybe a few others!
2. Get deployed to the Middle East.
3. Live overseas for at least 3 months.
4. Drive through all 48 continental United States.
5. Get published.
6. Research.
7. Join an alumna chapter & be involved.
8. Visit Nashville & see St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.
9. Go on an amazing vacation with my best friends.
10. Get tenure! (Wooo! Go me!)
11. Live in another state for at least a year.
12. Purchase a(nother) Jeep Wrangler.
13. Go deer hunting.
14. Make a palpable difference in a student's life.
15. Spoil my nephew and little cousins.
16. Take way too many pictures.
17. Fall in love (again).
18. Meet a celebrity. Preferably Luke Bryan.
19. Give back to Epsilon Iota & Allegheny College.
20. Visit NYC.
21. Throw my parent's an anniversary party.
22. Speak fluent Italian.

As for what I plan to do after I'm 30...well, I haven't really thought about it much.  I figure once I start crossing things off this list I'll think of more things I want to tackle. Let's face it, what I tackle, I conquer.

Ideas for the After I'm 30 List: jump out of an airplane; get married? maybe?; kids? maybe?; house? maybe? ehhh guess I'll figure that list out after this one is finished!

Road Trips

When I was younger our family vacations started with a road trip; all 5 of us and our stuff piled up in our garnet and grey van.  When I was in high school I never went on the road trips that my cousin & I or my friends & I dreamed of finally being able to go on when we turned 16. But my sense of adventure, or rather, burning desire for adventure has never subsided.

I first started conducting my solo road trips when I was a freshman in college. I drove from Brockport to Allegheny nearly every other weekend to visit my high school boyfriend.  During the summer of my junior year I would travel to Pittsburgh to see a boyfriend.  Later in my senior year of college I drove to North Carolina to see Zach who was stationed in Fayetteville. 

I guess I started falling in love with driving.  I bought a new car that got better gas mileage so that it wouldn't cost so much.  I remembered the fun I would have as a kid, cruising along the road, seeing what was out there, listening to the radio (which is how I can sing along to all the Oldies songs my parents listen to). I was out there on the road by myself. I controlled my own destination.  I felt free.

There is something that makes me feel alive when I'm out there on the road. I love feeling the sun beat in through the windshield. I love the sound of the wind gushing through the open windows.  I love turning the radio up as loud as I can make it when I find a station with one of my favorites. I love the way I can scan the radio and hear a song that I haven't heard in awhile, years perhaps, that immediately puts a smile on my face. I love not having a GPS system guide me. Yes, I have the directions written down, but the way "going with your gut" when it comes to directions gives the instant gratification of strength and courage that nothing else has ever compared to in my life. I love stopping in new places to get gasoline.

I think that the road trips I have been on are a mirror of my life.  Obviously they are moments in my life, but more than that the road trip itself is a mirror of my inner being and situation.  I have had my share of boyfriends, but all for one trip, it has been a solo journey.    I have made wrong turns. I have stopped and asked for directions.  I have nearly run out of gasoline.  I have had the anxiety of whether or not I actually took the correct exit.  I have discovered a place I had only heard of in books.  I have taken pictures. I have seen battlefields. I have crossed over plains and rivers. I have felt alone and scared. I have journeyed through mountains. I have felt happy and exhilarated.  I am always the driver.  I am in control.  I look forward to the drive to my destination, but typically dread the return home. I have felt like a pioneer. 

For those reasons above, it only seemed appropriate that after my recent heartache I take a road trip. However, this was no ordinary breakup. This was not some boy I just needed to get over.  This was a man I thought I was going to spend forever with.  So, I decided I needed, my soul needed, my heart needed more than one road trip. 4 to be precise. In the span of 5 weeks. To help me, my soul, and my heart to move forward and forget the past with new, bright, and happy moments. 

Maybe then, I'll find peace. Or at least the start of it. 

This Week

This week there has been a fundamental change in my emotions and outlook.  For weeks since the engagement and my relationship with Maj forever ended I walked around, feeling mangled and destroyed.  I knew I'd eventually be able to pull myself out of the depressed state, but during those weeks I didn't want to be pulled. I was trying to hang on to him and his memory because it was all I had left anymore. 

Yet this week I made powerful life decisions that brought me out of the darkness.  I was pulled to the surface this week.  And I did it all on my own. 

This week I had my physical fitness test.  I scored a 93%.  I completed 50 real push ups in 1 minute.  I felt strong and invincible. 

This week I realized I needed to be selfish, a trait I had diligently worked hard to push away since the start of my relationship with Maj.  I decided that self-sacrifice would not bring ultimate happiness to my future.  I needed to dig deep for what I really wanted in my life at the age of 23.  How did I want to see my future unfolding?  Moving south of the Mason Dixon line with Carina. Taking hold on my teaching career.  A deployment to Afghanistan. Researching and writing.  Visiting Bouton, Simpson, and Parrish in Europe. 

This week I returned the engagement ring and wedding bands.  Letting go of the past and my past dreams to make room for future dreams. 

This week I went to Barnes and Nobles. I bought books, like I normally do during a period of transformation in my life.  Books that would help guide me through the journey onward.  The Purpose Driven Life; Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert; Last One Down the Aisle Wins: 10 Keys to a Fabulous Single Life Now and an Even Better Marriage Later.

This week I went to school and volunteered at the Modified Football game.  Seeing students and being in a place where I feel needed has filled in the void of my desire to be needed by Maj. 

This week I realized that my life was not so different from what it had been.  Maj had been deployed, he was not around, so I had a separate life from him.  That meant I could continue with my life without feeling too much of a catastrophe. 

This week I decided to spend time in Georgia with my cousin.  I decided to take time for what was important to me.  A Luke Bryan concert. Oktoberfest.  Driving 15hours to Atlanta. 

This week I went back to Allegheny.  Back to the place where I was rejuvenated after my first real breakup; where I became part of something that had nothing to do with him and my past. Delta Delta Delta.

I feel strong. I feel powerful. I feel happy and content.  I feel like I am doing what is best for me, my health, and my happiness. 

Yes, it is true; I still have moments where I am sad.  However, I take those moments, seal them in an envelope, and send them up to the sky.  There they will stay, until the day I can fully face the feelings and memories with nostalgia, rather than sadness.