A Recruitment Story

It's that time of year again on the Allegheny College campus-- RECRUITMENT!!! A week of events, major planning throughout much of winter break, skits, singing, cheering, matching outfits, talking & getting to know new women. 

Stress levels can run high. You want the right women for your sorority.  Women that will believe and be true to the values and the ideas set forth by the sorority way back in the late 1800s.

For me, when I was in college, I loved the planning behind recruitment.  For one whole week it was sorority-sorority-sorority over everything else in my life. And I loved it. I loved the late nights of staying in the suite to set up for the next round of parties. The chats with women I will never forget as we created table covers for Philanthropy Round, chair covers for Preference Round.

I liked brushing our feathers and showing to young women what we had to offer them, what we stood for, and who we were as individuals. It is a magical thing when you see all the stress, blood, sweat, and tears you put into creating the perfect night for these prospective women. It all pays off when the women walk in and their eyes light up and they no longer look afraid. When they feel comfortable and you can tell they can imagine themselves being part of this organization full time. 

The best part? Handing them a pearl, telling them the story of the girl who was lost in the woods, who dropped her pearl into a pool of water and watched the ripples spread away from the center. As the women leave, hushed singing in the background, they are told to make a wish on the pearl and drop it in our "pool" of water.  This is one of the only times I wished I was a fairy godmother and could make every single one of those women's wishes come true. It was in that moment I didn't care which sorority those women wanted to call home. All I wished for was the ability to get them to where they knew they could call home. 

Revisit Fat Talk Free Week

I've already mentioned Fat Talk Free Week, which was established by Delta Delta Delta in 2008.  Only 2 years, but this past October 35 college campuses took part in the Reflections program, to help women recognize that they need to love and be proud of their bodies. 

Why is this so important?

Because as an educator I hear young girls in the hallway, as young as 7th grade, talking about how they don't like this or that about their bodies.  In 7th grade girls should not be worried about how they look to boys. They should be worried about their homework, playing a sport, what movie they are going to watch with their friends that weekend, and understanding what a healthy life style means. 

What it definitely does not mean is only salads for every meal a month before spring break. It does not mean spending 3+ hours at the gym every day in order to get slim. 

Ladies, we need to be health conscious, not weight and size conscious!  Do I eat my 5 required fruits and veggies everyday? Am I taking a multivitamin for women? Am I getting enough calcium? Is my heart healthy? These are things we should be concerned about when we are younger. 

We need to be conscious of how we are taking care of our bodies, and only after full examination, decided whether or not that 21hour gym week is actually necessary to our over all health; mentally and physically.

Until then, Tri Delta to the rescue.  Good thing Deltas look good in Sara Blakely's Spanx.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leslie-goldman/do-i-look-fat-in-this-don_b_767565.html?ref=fb&src=sp

Zero-Sum Game

When you are in a relationship, you are aware that it might end. You might grow apart, find someone else, simply fall out of love. But a friendship isn’t a zero-sum game, and as such, you assume that its will last forever, especially an old friendship. You take its permanence for granted, which might be the very thing so dear about it.”-- Something Borrowed

I've had my share of relationships that have ended. But the worst relationships that end are the ones who that I've had with girl friends. Like it says above, you never imagine it will end. They are your friends, you plan on always having one another's back, and being in one another's life.  You don't foresee ever "breaking up," especially when they have been part of so many memories and important times in your life.

But then there is a fight you get into. Words that shouldn't be said are.  Feelings are hurt. And forgiveness doesn't come easily from either side. 

I got into a fight with my two best friends two days before I graduated from college. I ended up not taking any photos after the ceremony. I just wanted to get out of that town.

What did we fight about? Good question, and after being out of college for 2 years I don't have a real answer to that anymore. I know the subject that surrounded the fight, but I don't remember what words or arguments were exchanged anymore.

I didn't talk to either of them until this past April, when Carina called truce. We admitted we had both been stupid and told each other there had been so many times when we wished we could have told the other some piece of news.  But we had been stupid and let this fight get in the way of our friendship.

Cait was harder to reach. She was much more stubborn than Carina and I.  I figured she'd go to her grave hating me from the taste of the fight that night. But it changed when we saw each other at Homecoming this year. We were both prepared, and knew that the other was going to be hanging out with our group of friends. But it was good. We actually were able to forgive one another and bond over new heart stresses. Neither one of us know if we will ever be as close as we once were. I'd like to be, but I know it will take time if that's to happen. 

Bottom line, friendships are just as fragile as a relationship. There is more malleability but they definitely can fall on the floor, crack or be completely broken. From the awful fight that was brought to Cait, Carina, and I, I have learned to take my friendships more seriously and treat them with as much love and kindness as I would a relationship.  In fact, they probably should receive a little more, because like it says you are aware it might end.

Before I'm 30 List

People always refer to their Bucket List. The things in life they want to do before they die. Me, on the other hand, I'm a bit more ambitious. I want to have as many adventures and things crossed off my list by the time I'm 30. Why wait until I am old, have decaying bones, poor health, mortgage, possible spouse, children, grandchildren, and medical bills to worry about? More responsibility. The only things I have to worry about these days are my career, paying back student loans, and my car note. Just me. These are minimal in comparison. These are the days to conquer my list!

So my list:
1. Backpack/travel to England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, France, Germany, Italy (again), Greece, Denmark, Sweden, Russia, Mexico, Peru....Quebec....maybe a few others!
2. Get deployed to the Middle East.
3. Live overseas for at least 3 months.
4. Drive through all 48 continental United States.
5. Get published.
6. Research.
7. Join an alumna chapter & be involved.
8. Visit Nashville & see St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.
9. Go on an amazing vacation with my best friends.
10. Get tenure! (Wooo! Go me!)
11. Live in another state for at least a year.
12. Purchase a(nother) Jeep Wrangler.
13. Go deer hunting.
14. Make a palpable difference in a student's life.
15. Spoil my nephew and little cousins.
16. Take way too many pictures.
17. Fall in love (again).
18. Meet a celebrity. Preferably Luke Bryan.
19. Give back to Epsilon Iota & Allegheny College.
20. Visit NYC.
21. Throw my parent's an anniversary party.
22. Speak fluent Italian.

As for what I plan to do after I'm 30...well, I haven't really thought about it much.  I figure once I start crossing things off this list I'll think of more things I want to tackle. Let's face it, what I tackle, I conquer.

Ideas for the After I'm 30 List: jump out of an airplane; get married? maybe?; kids? maybe?; house? maybe? ehhh guess I'll figure that list out after this one is finished!

Soul Mates

Maybe our girlfriends are our SOUL MATES and guys are just people to have fun with. --Sex and the City ♥

My recent breakup has had me really thinking about my friends. Not just the women I talk with, but my true, deep friendships that I formed in college with some of the most amazing, strong, inspiring, and supportive women I have ever met. This recent string of heartbreaking events has given me a new appreciation of their love and warmth, as well as given me the push to ask for help from them when I really need it (even though we are all separated by hundreds of miles).

Alisha has been one of my very best friends since Preference Night when we were seeking a spot in the newest sorority on Allegheny's campus.  I have a multitude of photographs of her and I from Bid Day, already best friends, joined at the hip.  I instantly felt comfortable around her; she knew who she was and she wasn't afraid to show it. I accepted her for exactly who she was. I was awe-struck by her. I was still learning who I really was. I was trying to carve out a separate identity for myself that semester.  Alisha definitely helped me on my journey to do so.  We had each other's shoulder to cry on over our high school loves.  Those tears helped to seal our friendship forever.

Carina and I became very close friends during my senior year of college.  We had met in Tri Delta the previous semester and grew closer and closer with the time we spent together. I supported her events in the sorority; growing close in sisterly solidarity that both of us lacked in our biological life.  She became my sister through and through. Carina has always made me feel as though I was worth it; that I should be an advocate for myself. She has always helped to believe in me, even when I was blinded by the hurtful things that had been said to me.  She encouraged me to eat. She encouraged my creativity.  She was like sunshine on a rainy day.  In return, I have tried to help her remain in the loop as she works crazy hours in Manhattan.  I have tried to help her remain grounded and hopeful. 

Theresa and I grew closer and closer as my time at Allegheny drew to a close.  I had met her through Tri Delta and I knew that I desperately wanted to be her friend. She was so much fun. She laughed and was a joy to be around. It was always eventful with Theresa. But she was also serious. She worried. She cared about things working out.  I saw so many things of myself within Theresa; I think that is why I became best friends with her.  It was a similar reflection of myself, similar problems and issues, and I wanted to reassure her that everything would work out, even if that detailed plan wasn't drawn up yet.  Maybe I said that to her because I wanted to believe the same thing for my own ideas and plans.  Or maybe I told her that because it was the truth and I was still grappling with accepting it as such.  I always tried to show my undying support for her. To lead by example, that changing your mind frequently really wasn't detrimental to life. 

Kristen and I started out as going-out friends during the last semester of my senior year.  But how could you not love Kristen? She was down to earth, gentle, humble, gracious, and I thought perfect. She represented many of the qualities I wanted to have more of in my life.  Kristen is like a warm hug.  She comforts, uses endearments, and genuinely cares about her friends.  I always tried to have as big of a heart as her.  I have always tried to love her back completely.  I think she is such a brave and smart woman. She isn't (too) afraid to follow her heart and dreams.

Audra is my newest best friend. In fact, Audra and I were not friends in college. We became friends during Kristen and Theresa's senior year when I would visit them.  When I started to hang out with Audra and the rest of the girls I thought to myself, why were we not friends in college?!?! We would have had a ball!!!  It was through Audra that I saw what was really part of my deepest friendships:  No judgement.  We loved each other, but we did not judge one another's actions.  We were reflections of the truth, but harsh words of judgement about our actions or characters were never part of the friendship role we lived in. 

It was also through Audra that I realized that friendship did not know a distance.  It really didn't matter how long it had been since we last spoke or saw one another. We had each other's back. We shared in one another's hopes, dreams, and aspirations. We would be a constant in each other's lives. 

Why are they my soul mates? Because they have helped shape me. Helped peel back the layers to allow me to understand my true self better. The girl that I used to know back in middle school, who got swallowed up in high school, and who was trying to figure it all out in college.  And the woman, now, who is still learning more about herself every day. Impressing herself everyday with her fortitude, optimism, and spirit.  I can only hope that I am helping them do the very same thing. 

"You haven’t found the right man, but I'll love you forever! So you found the right friends at least."

This is why my best friends Alisha, Carina, Theresa, Kristen, and Audra are my soul mates.

This Week

This week there has been a fundamental change in my emotions and outlook.  For weeks since the engagement and my relationship with Maj forever ended I walked around, feeling mangled and destroyed.  I knew I'd eventually be able to pull myself out of the depressed state, but during those weeks I didn't want to be pulled. I was trying to hang on to him and his memory because it was all I had left anymore. 

Yet this week I made powerful life decisions that brought me out of the darkness.  I was pulled to the surface this week.  And I did it all on my own. 

This week I had my physical fitness test.  I scored a 93%.  I completed 50 real push ups in 1 minute.  I felt strong and invincible. 

This week I realized I needed to be selfish, a trait I had diligently worked hard to push away since the start of my relationship with Maj.  I decided that self-sacrifice would not bring ultimate happiness to my future.  I needed to dig deep for what I really wanted in my life at the age of 23.  How did I want to see my future unfolding?  Moving south of the Mason Dixon line with Carina. Taking hold on my teaching career.  A deployment to Afghanistan. Researching and writing.  Visiting Bouton, Simpson, and Parrish in Europe. 

This week I returned the engagement ring and wedding bands.  Letting go of the past and my past dreams to make room for future dreams. 

This week I went to Barnes and Nobles. I bought books, like I normally do during a period of transformation in my life.  Books that would help guide me through the journey onward.  The Purpose Driven Life; Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert; Last One Down the Aisle Wins: 10 Keys to a Fabulous Single Life Now and an Even Better Marriage Later.

This week I went to school and volunteered at the Modified Football game.  Seeing students and being in a place where I feel needed has filled in the void of my desire to be needed by Maj. 

This week I realized that my life was not so different from what it had been.  Maj had been deployed, he was not around, so I had a separate life from him.  That meant I could continue with my life without feeling too much of a catastrophe. 

This week I decided to spend time in Georgia with my cousin.  I decided to take time for what was important to me.  A Luke Bryan concert. Oktoberfest.  Driving 15hours to Atlanta. 

This week I went back to Allegheny.  Back to the place where I was rejuvenated after my first real breakup; where I became part of something that had nothing to do with him and my past. Delta Delta Delta.

I feel strong. I feel powerful. I feel happy and content.  I feel like I am doing what is best for me, my health, and my happiness. 

Yes, it is true; I still have moments where I am sad.  However, I take those moments, seal them in an envelope, and send them up to the sky.  There they will stay, until the day I can fully face the feelings and memories with nostalgia, rather than sadness.

Fat Talk Free Week

In college I was in an amazing sorority. Not only do I qualify it as amazing because of the women who were part of my chapter, but nationally it was awe-inspiring with its dedicated commitment to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital & women's body image.

As a woman, I look at myself constantly in the mirror.  I can tell that in the early morning, right after I get out of bed, I am at my skinniest. I look sexy, slim, trim, and every other great 4-lettered word.  I can tell if I'm looking bloated or have gained water weight, even when the scale won't tell me so. I have had boyfriends tell me that I should eat more and that they can't tell the difference on my body if I have eaten during the day or if I have abstained from food particles passing through my mouth today. 

But I need to treat my body better. I need to give it food. My body is beautiful. It is strong. My calves and ankles let me wear my sexy red high heels (inspired by Kellie Pickler's song) with confidence.  My body lets me run- sometimes with a little difficulty.  My arms are strong and help me lift things that guys don't normally believe I'd be able to because of my small size.

In chapter one Monday night we wrote down 5 things that we LOVE about our body. LOVE. Not nit-picking. Not picking apart. What do you LOVE about your body.  This vessel that protects your thoughts, emotions, and soul.

So as such, what do I LOVE about my body tonight?
1. I love the way my legs look in my red high heels.
2. I love that I can do 50 REAL push ups in a minute with my arms.
3. I love how little my hands are. They're cute.
4. I love being short; I can date men of all heights.
5. I love that I have a skull to protect my brain and my ideas & a rib cage to help protect my heart.

What do you love about your body? What do you love about yourself?

Take the Fat Talk Free Week Challenge with Tri Deltas and other college women all over the country.  This week, do not say a negative thing about your body or your shape. Take pride in the way you look. Love your body and yourself. Do not wish that you could change this or that about your body. You're beautiful the way that God made you. You have to look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself so.

If you aren't convinced, think on this: Have you ever gotten naked with a man, who made you put your clothes back on because you didn't have a body like a Victoria's Secret model? He was probably thinking he just scored majorly because he had a naked girl in a room with him.