Going through Barnes & Nobles yesterday I stumbled upon a realization as I walked into the "Relationship" section of the store. What was the realization?! That all these books are telling us how we are supposed to play the dating game; how we are supposed to act in order to land a man; who is going to be our Mr. Right. I even picked up one of these books [Why Men Loves Bitches to be exact, because Kim always tells me I need to read it].
What I also realized is that even within one book there is conflicting information. Moreover, many of these guidelines that are floating out there in "relationship-wanted" space differ from how I would view you are supposed to treat someone once you are in a relationship. Is it really that difficult? Do we really need this much guidance? Should we really analyze and scrutinize every moment, word, gesture, and deed that occurs when you are just starting to date someone?
Simply, I don't think it is all so necessary.
While I definitely think some of the points made in the books are valid and should be something that both men and women follow when they are dating someone, I also feel like these things shouldn't only occur at the outset of dating.
For instance, having your own life and your own hobbies is a valid thing to come from these books. Its important to stress to women to create their own identity and keep it; before, during, and after a man comes into their life. This I have not always done, I will admit. But I have definitely gotten much better at it as I have gotten older. It's even caused a breakup.
Treating an asshole the way he deserves to be treated, ditto. Give him hell if the situation warrants it and never talk to him again!
However, the advice that tells you not to be nice to the guy you are seeing- to be a bitch to him, I really don't think it is going to make men like you anymore. Yea, maybe not be a doormat, but if the guy asks you to pick something up on your way over, are you being taken advantage of if you do it, or are you simply being yourself and doing a kind gesture for someone you like? [I think the latter.] If it was a girlfriend that asked you to do this favor, no one would have a problem with it, but when it comes to a man, apparently the rules [in some books] are completely flip-flopped. [Yet if you notice in the article about the 5 secrets, one of the "secrets" is to treat your man as though he was a friend...see no consensus.]
Perhaps this is just my justification. What do I know?! I'm single, so apparently something isn't working perfectly. I am nice to the guy I am seeing. I'm a kind person in general, but I guess I am a bit nicer to the guy I'm seeing. Or at the very least I try to make it obvious that he is getting treated a little differently then how I treat some random guy on the street that I'm not spending my time with. I don't [typically, but have on occasion] do anything for him that I wouldn't do for a friend. According to Why Men Love Bitches, I am failing on some aspects, but passing in others.
Oi vie! As Scarlett O'Hara gripped, "Why does a girl have to be so silly to catch a husband?"
Showing posts with label Single Ladies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Single Ladies. Show all posts
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sorbet
I don't know if any of ya'll have ever read The Between Boyfriends Book by Cindy Chupack, but it is an amusing collection of essays about that time between boyfriend A & B [see: Take It]. In one of her essays, Chupack talks about the "Sexual Sorbet," who is a guy that you sleep with after a breakup...in order to cleanse your palate.
Her argument is that you need to put some distance between yourself and your failed realtionship. Now, hopefully none of you are appalled or shocked by this entry yet. I mean, let's face it, men do it...and we shouldn't be all virginal about the whole concept either.
Now, neither Chupack or I am advocating sleeping around. First off, protect yourself and be smart about this. Second, there is always old standbys that many women keep around for when they are lonely [fact of life, people, just move on, and accept this entry!]. Use one of them if the prospect of putting another notch in your bed post makes you cringe.
And this isn't a means to enter into a relationship either. No, no, that's rebound and we are self-aware women and we know that we are not ready for that yet, emotionally. This is stickly a cleanser. Sorbet. Like one of those crazy cleanser-fasting diets that women go on to clean out the system. That's all we are talking about here.
You need to put some distance between you and your ex. You need it, believe me. I'm not saying it has to happen that very night. I am simply saying that when you think you are ready to cleanse the palate, when you are ready to leave that taste in your mouth behind, get some sorbet!
Sorbet is better than Listerine...trust me.
Her argument is that you need to put some distance between yourself and your failed realtionship. Now, hopefully none of you are appalled or shocked by this entry yet. I mean, let's face it, men do it...and we shouldn't be all virginal about the whole concept either.
Now, neither Chupack or I am advocating sleeping around. First off, protect yourself and be smart about this. Second, there is always old standbys that many women keep around for when they are lonely [fact of life, people, just move on, and accept this entry!]. Use one of them if the prospect of putting another notch in your bed post makes you cringe.
And this isn't a means to enter into a relationship either. No, no, that's rebound and we are self-aware women and we know that we are not ready for that yet, emotionally. This is stickly a cleanser. Sorbet. Like one of those crazy cleanser-fasting diets that women go on to clean out the system. That's all we are talking about here.
You need to put some distance between you and your ex. You need it, believe me. I'm not saying it has to happen that very night. I am simply saying that when you think you are ready to cleanse the palate, when you are ready to leave that taste in your mouth behind, get some sorbet!
Sorbet is better than Listerine...trust me.
Take It
I've learned that as I age, it is not emotionally healthy for a woman to enter into a rebound relationship; to trade her feelings for one man, and give them to another. I've learned that not only is it not nice to the new guy, but it is not very nice to yourself. Yes, you are hurt after a relationship, but giving your affection to a new one, isn't something the Surgeon General would suggest.
So how long before a break up do you start getting back in the saddle or sitting on the bench so that the coach will put you back in the game? Well, it depends. It depends on how the previous relationship ended. It depends on how long the two of you were together. It depends on how serious your feelings were and how serious your lives were intertwined. In other words, I've learned that while Charlotte may have claimed to shed some light on the subject ["It takes half as long as you were dating a man to get over him."], that might not always be the case.
It is something that each woman needs to feel out. When does the sight of pictures or thoughts of this previous suitor not make you cry? When do you feel like yourself again? When do you feel whole, not battered and bruised?
It might be difficult for many women to judge just how far along they have come in the moving on game in order to shy away from rebound. My suggestion? After you've taken a few weeks to yourself, go on a few dates. Meet some new guys. Consciously tell yourself to not get attached. I don't care if you tell yourself every minute of the day that you just want to focus on your career in order for you not to become attached to dates 1, 2, or 3. You'll be able to tell at the very least after 3 dates how far you have progressed (assuming you are somewhat self-aware to begin with).
However, let me lay down the law. Unless you dated the guy a month or less, 2 weeks is not enough time that you aren't trading your feelings in. Even if you were in an abusive relationship, 2 weeks is not enough. You need time to heal yourself, even if you aren't upset about the void of that certain man in your life.
Take it from a girl who never wanted any time between relationship A & B...take it. It is seriously the best thing in the world. I realize it now that I've had time to experience it.
Take a breath. Being on your own can feel amazing. Yes, its lonely. However, you have friends, and inform them that you will be using them to full capacity in the next few weeks, but that you will gladly reciprocate if that comes to pass on their end in the future. Do things for you. Treat yourself to dessert, a movie, a weekend getaway, all your guilty pleasures.
During this time think about you. Who you are, who you want to be, what you need to change or could improve on. Not what you did wrong, but just things you would like to see manifest differently in your next relationship. Self-awareness and self-evaluation are key. Reflection is a good thing.
I promise you, only good things can come of not jumping into being called "girlfriend" again.
So how long before a break up do you start getting back in the saddle or sitting on the bench so that the coach will put you back in the game? Well, it depends. It depends on how the previous relationship ended. It depends on how long the two of you were together. It depends on how serious your feelings were and how serious your lives were intertwined. In other words, I've learned that while Charlotte may have claimed to shed some light on the subject ["It takes half as long as you were dating a man to get over him."], that might not always be the case.
It is something that each woman needs to feel out. When does the sight of pictures or thoughts of this previous suitor not make you cry? When do you feel like yourself again? When do you feel whole, not battered and bruised?
It might be difficult for many women to judge just how far along they have come in the moving on game in order to shy away from rebound. My suggestion? After you've taken a few weeks to yourself, go on a few dates. Meet some new guys. Consciously tell yourself to not get attached. I don't care if you tell yourself every minute of the day that you just want to focus on your career in order for you not to become attached to dates 1, 2, or 3. You'll be able to tell at the very least after 3 dates how far you have progressed (assuming you are somewhat self-aware to begin with).
However, let me lay down the law. Unless you dated the guy a month or less, 2 weeks is not enough time that you aren't trading your feelings in. Even if you were in an abusive relationship, 2 weeks is not enough. You need time to heal yourself, even if you aren't upset about the void of that certain man in your life.
Take it from a girl who never wanted any time between relationship A & B...take it. It is seriously the best thing in the world. I realize it now that I've had time to experience it.
Take a breath. Being on your own can feel amazing. Yes, its lonely. However, you have friends, and inform them that you will be using them to full capacity in the next few weeks, but that you will gladly reciprocate if that comes to pass on their end in the future. Do things for you. Treat yourself to dessert, a movie, a weekend getaway, all your guilty pleasures.
During this time think about you. Who you are, who you want to be, what you need to change or could improve on. Not what you did wrong, but just things you would like to see manifest differently in your next relationship. Self-awareness and self-evaluation are key. Reflection is a good thing.
I promise you, only good things can come of not jumping into being called "girlfriend" again.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
All Righty, Cupid!
My friend Dani lives and works in a big east coast city. Working crazy long hours in the city and not really knowing many people in the area has made it difficult to meet men, let alone get to go on a date with a man. As a way to meet men, she joined, what we like to call "the virtual bar" of online dating. There are cute guys, weirdo, creepers, and just plain nice guys who just want to meet a sane, normal woman.
At the virtual bar she has become acquainted with all sorts of men. Up until recently she has had a rather pleasant experience at the bar. Creepers were at a minimum. However, lately, she wonders whether or not the full moon is out, because the weirdness is coming out of the woodwork!
One potential noticed that she spoke another language. He then proceeded to write her nearly a page long message in Hungarian. While on the phone, explaining this situation to me, she exclaimed, "What if I write him a message in ancient Egyptian because I notice that he is of Egyptian decent. Here is some ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics for you honey! You're ancestors can read them, don't worry!"
At the virtual bar, the server asks you what age range you want your potential dates to fall between. Dani's limit is 31. She received a message from a man that started out... "I know I'm a little older than your range is..." So Dani, trying to keep an open mind, thinking she could probably date someone who was about 35. Nope. He was 52 years old. A little older?!?! Sorry, grandpa, but you should probably move your butt over to eHarmony before you dieeeeeee!
While these two are examples of amusing dating antidotes, there are also the more sinister and Jersey Shore-like offerings that are made during what appears at first to be a normal conversation.
One potential date started talking about football with her. The conversation then turned to what he thought about her looks. He thought she was really good looking...but he didn't stop there with the compliments. He then proceeded to compliment her body in detail, admitting what he liked about each tiny facet of her body...and that he'd hit that. Had they been dating and knew each other better, maybe this could have been laughed off or even served as foreplay. However, this was the first time they were meeting. The worse part was that he didn't understand that she wasn't being a prude about the situation, but rather was just trying to be a respected woman.
The second potential flop was a similar scenario. She was talking with this guy about how she liked working out, going to the gym, and doing yoga. He too enjoyed going to the gym. Great something in common------------Screeeeccch. "So if you're into fitness, can you "fit" my d*** in your mouth?" Excuse me?!?! Are you kidding me? The worse part was he tried to apologize over and over again for it, saying sometimes he says the wrong things, but he had always wanted to use that line before. Sorry, bud, but you aren't 16, you should be socially aware that it would be inappropriate to use that sort of "line" the first time you talk to a woman.
So, needless to say Dani is starting to get a little frustrated. She isn't looking to find Prince Charming today, tomorrow, or even next week...but she would like a decent, caring man to spend some of her time with. However, after some experiences like this, Dani looks up to the sky and screams, "all righty, Cupid, where is Prince Charming? I fold!"
At the virtual bar she has become acquainted with all sorts of men. Up until recently she has had a rather pleasant experience at the bar. Creepers were at a minimum. However, lately, she wonders whether or not the full moon is out, because the weirdness is coming out of the woodwork!
One potential noticed that she spoke another language. He then proceeded to write her nearly a page long message in Hungarian. While on the phone, explaining this situation to me, she exclaimed, "What if I write him a message in ancient Egyptian because I notice that he is of Egyptian decent. Here is some ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics for you honey! You're ancestors can read them, don't worry!"
At the virtual bar, the server asks you what age range you want your potential dates to fall between. Dani's limit is 31. She received a message from a man that started out... "I know I'm a little older than your range is..." So Dani, trying to keep an open mind, thinking she could probably date someone who was about 35. Nope. He was 52 years old. A little older?!?! Sorry, grandpa, but you should probably move your butt over to eHarmony before you dieeeeeee!
While these two are examples of amusing dating antidotes, there are also the more sinister and Jersey Shore-like offerings that are made during what appears at first to be a normal conversation.
One potential date started talking about football with her. The conversation then turned to what he thought about her looks. He thought she was really good looking...but he didn't stop there with the compliments. He then proceeded to compliment her body in detail, admitting what he liked about each tiny facet of her body...and that he'd hit that. Had they been dating and knew each other better, maybe this could have been laughed off or even served as foreplay. However, this was the first time they were meeting. The worse part was that he didn't understand that she wasn't being a prude about the situation, but rather was just trying to be a respected woman.
The second potential flop was a similar scenario. She was talking with this guy about how she liked working out, going to the gym, and doing yoga. He too enjoyed going to the gym. Great something in common------------Screeeeccch. "So if you're into fitness, can you "fit" my d*** in your mouth?" Excuse me?!?! Are you kidding me? The worse part was he tried to apologize over and over again for it, saying sometimes he says the wrong things, but he had always wanted to use that line before. Sorry, bud, but you aren't 16, you should be socially aware that it would be inappropriate to use that sort of "line" the first time you talk to a woman.
So, needless to say Dani is starting to get a little frustrated. She isn't looking to find Prince Charming today, tomorrow, or even next week...but she would like a decent, caring man to spend some of her time with. However, after some experiences like this, Dani looks up to the sky and screams, "all righty, Cupid, where is Prince Charming? I fold!"
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Qualities
Do you see yourself the way other people see you? When I think about myself, I see all these amazing qualities; qualities that my best friends point out; qualities I'm told men would want.
But then I look around. I'm alone. I'm single. I come to the realization that I have had a very hard time in dating and relationships. And if I really am all these amazing qualities, if those are what are shinning through, then why is that the case? Shouldn't it be the opposite, even if at the moment I am single?
Is it me? Or is it the men I'm dating? I am not advertising the best of me? Or am I advertising the best so well, that when I reveal a part that is not-so-great, they want out immediately because I'm not what they expected?
I wish I had an answer or something that I understood to be true. So if you have one, let me know please!
But then I look around. I'm alone. I'm single. I come to the realization that I have had a very hard time in dating and relationships. And if I really am all these amazing qualities, if those are what are shinning through, then why is that the case? Shouldn't it be the opposite, even if at the moment I am single?
Is it me? Or is it the men I'm dating? I am not advertising the best of me? Or am I advertising the best so well, that when I reveal a part that is not-so-great, they want out immediately because I'm not what they expected?
I wish I had an answer or something that I understood to be true. So if you have one, let me know please!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
On My Highway
There is an all too familiar saying that states that "everything happens for a reason." It is followed by a statement that declares, "sometimes something good has to fall apart, so that something better can fall together."
While I do occasionally subscribe to the fact that better things can fall together after something falls apart, I often have time believing that everything happens for a reason. Mostly it is hard to believe that line because then I am searching for a reason why my dreams did not work out. An obvious sign that says, "well if that would have happened, this couldn't have." Oftentimes it is too hard to see that clear cut event.
However, for once, I see that "everything happens for a reason."
If I had still been with Maj, dating or married, these last 8 weeks or so would not occurred. At least, not the way in which they did.
I have been out on the highway for the last several weekends. I have traveled to cities that I have only ever really read or heard about. I have been able to see my best friends, who I haven't seen in months. I have gone to 2 amazing concerts that have helped healed my heart with passion, excitement, and adventure.
If Maj and I had been together I would have been spending my weekends in Fayetteville. I wouldn't have been able to go to my college's homecoming weekend with friends, gone to the Luke Bryan concert in Carrollton, rock the dance floor on Broadway St. in Nashville with Kristen, or randomly take a drive down to Gatlinburg.
In a way he was limiting my experiences and adventures. I just didn't realize it until I was forced to go alone on my highway.
Maybe things do happen for a reason...
While I do occasionally subscribe to the fact that better things can fall together after something falls apart, I often have time believing that everything happens for a reason. Mostly it is hard to believe that line because then I am searching for a reason why my dreams did not work out. An obvious sign that says, "well if that would have happened, this couldn't have." Oftentimes it is too hard to see that clear cut event.
However, for once, I see that "everything happens for a reason."
If I had still been with Maj, dating or married, these last 8 weeks or so would not occurred. At least, not the way in which they did.
I have been out on the highway for the last several weekends. I have traveled to cities that I have only ever really read or heard about. I have been able to see my best friends, who I haven't seen in months. I have gone to 2 amazing concerts that have helped healed my heart with passion, excitement, and adventure.
If Maj and I had been together I would have been spending my weekends in Fayetteville. I wouldn't have been able to go to my college's homecoming weekend with friends, gone to the Luke Bryan concert in Carrollton, rock the dance floor on Broadway St. in Nashville with Kristen, or randomly take a drive down to Gatlinburg.
In a way he was limiting my experiences and adventures. I just didn't realize it until I was forced to go alone on my highway.
Maybe things do happen for a reason...
Friday, October 29, 2010
Ideal Man
When you're single you are told two pieces of advice:
1. Figure out what you really want in a man and don't settle for less.
2. No one is going to fit your ideal mold.
Uhhh, so what is a single gal really supposed to do? Those two doctrines contradict themselves. This isn't religion here. So what is the easy answer here about how I am supposed to go about single life?
Regardless, I know what I want in my ideal man...who probably does not exist. Here he is:
1. Figure out what you really want in a man and don't settle for less.
2. No one is going to fit your ideal mold.
Uhhh, so what is a single gal really supposed to do? Those two doctrines contradict themselves. This isn't religion here. So what is the easy answer here about how I am supposed to go about single life?
Regardless, I know what I want in my ideal man...who probably does not exist. Here he is:
- I'm thinking brown hair and brown eyes. That's typically what I am attracted to.
- Tall. I like guys that are about 6 feet despite the fact that I only reach 5'1".
- He has to make me laugh...a lot. He has to laugh at my jokes and sarcastic comments, too.
- He has to be interesting. Have ideas. Have goals. Have opinions.
- He must listen to country music. I've come to realize that vastly different musical tastes can make car rides unenjoyable when you just have anything interesting to really talk about. Doesn't have to only be interested in country, just have it be one of the listened to genres.
- He works out. Not a juice head or anything, but a guy who enjoys being active and tries to lead a healthy lifestyle. He must be able to do more push ups than me in 60 seconds as well.
- He won't make me watch scary movies. He won't try to scare me. I don't like creepy, scary TV shows or movies. If he can respect that, we will get along.
- He has that rugged, country, military, all-American look and attitude; that certain je ne sais quoi about him that is hard to put into words or describe fully. But when you see it, you know he's got it.
- He likes to travel and see new places, have new experiences. I'm all for hanging out and watching a movie on a Saturday night at home, but he has to want to see and learn new things in his life. I'm talking continental US & Europe here.
- He has to understand himself. He has to be comfortable with who he is. He has to be proud of himself and his accomplishments. If he doesn't like something about himself, then he has to be cognizant about that and work towards changing it.
- He has to be my cheerleader too. I'm all for cheering someone on, but it needs to be reciprocated.
- He has to know what is going on in the world. I'm not asking for a politico or a stringent advocate of something, just have a good idea of what social, economic, political, and military events are happening in the world and be able to talk about what he thinks about them.
- He has to be close to his family. If there are issues there I want him to acknowledge them, not hide from them. He has to be his own man though and not depend on his family's ideals as a crutch.
- Have a good job. I don't have credentials of what a "good job" really means, but he has to be responsible.
- Does he have to like football?? Good question. I'm not sure yet. Does he have to have been in a fraternity in college? Another good question. Hmmm. Be a beer drinker? Yes.
- Look like this? YES!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Last One Down the Aisle Wins
Yes, I went there. I went to Barnes & Nobles and went to the Relationship section. Yes, I went there. I bought a book. But it is a really good book. It's titled: Last One Down the Aisle Wins by Shannon Fox and Celeste Liversidge. It is about the "10 keys to a fabulous single life now and an even better marriage later." It is aimed at women in their 20s, demonstrating that their 20s are not a time to wait- for a man, marriage, better job, for life to really start happening. It is about taking time to become the best, strongest whole person you can be-- at least that's what the back cover says.
Anyways, here are Fox & Liversidge's 10 Keys....
1. Get a connected life by investing in friendships
2. Get a peaceful family life and make peace with your difficult family dynamics
3. Get a fulfilling work life and figure out what you want to be when you grow up
4. Get a smart financial life and take charge of your money
5. Get an emotionally stable life and manage your emotions
6. Get a self-accepting life and appreciate your body
7. Get an independent life and establish yourself away from your parents
8. Get a spiritual life and clarify your beliefs
9. Get a sexy life and honor your sexuality
10. Get an exciting life and pursue adventure
It actually is a pretty decent book, filled with quizzes and assessments. Like Cosmo, only less sex-obsessed and more self-focused.
Anyways, here are Fox & Liversidge's 10 Keys....
1. Get a connected life by investing in friendships
2. Get a peaceful family life and make peace with your difficult family dynamics
3. Get a fulfilling work life and figure out what you want to be when you grow up
4. Get a smart financial life and take charge of your money
5. Get an emotionally stable life and manage your emotions
6. Get a self-accepting life and appreciate your body
7. Get an independent life and establish yourself away from your parents
8. Get a spiritual life and clarify your beliefs
9. Get a sexy life and honor your sexuality
10. Get an exciting life and pursue adventure
It actually is a pretty decent book, filled with quizzes and assessments. Like Cosmo, only less sex-obsessed and more self-focused.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Bryanites
I find solace, inspiration, and my true emotions in music. The lyrics, the beat, the tempo, the instruments, the voice. Certain songs pull on my heartstrings the way nothing else can. (Hence the "troubadours" part of the blog.)
Less than a week ago I drove down to Georgia for a concert. Now normally this wouldn't be a big deal, going to a concert. However, this concert, I HAD to go. I was attempting to find peace and happiness, while attempting not to feel heartache and sadness. I stumbled upon the answer, or what I thought was the answer, after class. I was online and happened to go on the Luke Bryan website. There it was! My ticket to happiness-- 4 concerts in Georgia around the very same time I planned to visit my cousin in Atlanta. DONE DEAL. I bought the ticket for the Thursday night concert in Carrollton, a town I had never been to before in my life, packed up my car, and made the estimated trip of 15hours 22minutes in 14hours.
Luke Bryan entered the stage around 9:30pm. It was amazing. He came out fire blazing. The entire night was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I felt alive again. I felt invigorated. I felt like ME. I felt whole.
Less than a week ago I drove down to Georgia for a concert. Now normally this wouldn't be a big deal, going to a concert. However, this concert, I HAD to go. I was attempting to find peace and happiness, while attempting not to feel heartache and sadness. I stumbled upon the answer, or what I thought was the answer, after class. I was online and happened to go on the Luke Bryan website. There it was! My ticket to happiness-- 4 concerts in Georgia around the very same time I planned to visit my cousin in Atlanta. DONE DEAL. I bought the ticket for the Thursday night concert in Carrollton, a town I had never been to before in my life, packed up my car, and made the estimated trip of 15hours 22minutes in 14hours.
Luke Bryan entered the stage around 9:30pm. It was amazing. He came out fire blazing. The entire night was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I felt alive again. I felt invigorated. I felt like ME. I felt whole.
Since the concert I have become more thoroughly obsessed with this country star. I haven't felt this way since I was in 5th grade, my room plastered with Backstreet Boys posters and fan club merchandise. I was gushing and blushing as I retold Thursday nights events to Carina. She laughed and said I was smitten. It was true! I was absolutely smitten with this image of Luke Bryan- his words, his smile, his boots, his jeans, his voice. I guess its probably a more safer rebound relationship!
I think what I'm so smitten with is his way wording everything and the way it spoke to me in my desperate hour. I've seen him in concert before, which was amazing as well, but not in the way in which it was this past Thursday. His last concert, the one I drove 14hours to see, was akin to a religious experience for me. I felt passion, life, and contentment flowing through my veins. I felt safe, as though I could find protection from his lyrics of wisdom.
Yes, I realize how goofy all this sounds, and I promise I am a sane woman. However, to take my smitten-ness further Carina and I have decided to become religious followers of Luke Bryan, calling ourselves Bryanites. We plan to make a statue in his likeness, take a pilgrimage to see him and hear his word, and celebrate him and his mantras with feast days. To add to the silliness I have organized some Bryanite mantras, in case you readers are interested in following the new found religious order.
1. Rain makes corn. Corn makes whiskey.
2. Wish this high noon Georgia sun could melt what's been done, make it disappear.
3. There's only one thing you can do. Don't worry about nothing. Let it go see what tomorrow brings. Don't worry about nothing. Pray about everything.
4. You're like a early morning Monday, bringing me down, messing with my mood.
5. Some folks aren't happy the way they are. Some just wanna take things just a little too far. I am just what I am. I'm just what you see. So I'll make it easy, I'll stay me.
6. You need hands, rough not soft, to come and warm you up in that cold hayloft. Let me hold you little darling, in my big strong arms, can't get these kind of muscles anywhere but a farm.
7. Love is blind. Fate don't care.
8. All I know is we went out and done it up right.
9. Well I worked all week, so I could come here, and have a nice cold beer. But 1 turned to 10 and 10 turned to 20, and 20 plus an empty bottle is too damn many.
10. I ain't got a clue what went down, so I started calling around. And all my friends say...
Sunday, September 26, 2010
3 Capital Letters
When you have been in a serious relationship for quite some time, the world of singledom can seem like a fun place to be again. You go from having one option, to having as many as you'd like. However, being out of the single world, can also put you in a dangerous position once you reintroduce yourself to that world.
I went down to my old college town this past weekend to visit one of my very best friends who is now a senior. As per our tradition, we headed down to MSG to play some pool and dance on the speakers. MSG was not as crowded as I fondly remember it being, however we managed to have a good time and meet some new guys.
One guy, Josh from Pitt Greensburg, was particularly attentive towards me for the evening. He was a blond, good looking Business-majoring junior from the Pittsburgh area who liked to work out. Josh was funny, making goofy faces as he would tell his jokes. We talked for awhile before I convinced him to join me out on the dance floor.
As MSG closed, Josh asked me for my number.
Alisha and I made our way back to her apartment for the night. After we had arrived I received a text from Josh, asking me where I was staying. I replied and then he texted back, "You DTF?"
I wasn't sure what I had just read. DTF. I looked at Alisha and asked her whether or not she knew what that meant. She said she didn't but could probably take a stab at it.
I answered Josh, questioning what the acronym stood for. "You know what it means." "Shut up. Get down here." Needlesstosay, I declined the so-eloquently made offer.
Had there been a change in the booty call text repertoire? I had only been in a serious relationship for a year; had it all changed so much? No more were the ways of asking to hook up with actual words. Rather, the booty call had been reduced to 3 capital letters in a text message.
According to a few friends it has been referenced in Jersey Shore. If this is the way singledom has evolved in the last year, maybe I should get a cat and learn to knit on the weekends.
I went down to my old college town this past weekend to visit one of my very best friends who is now a senior. As per our tradition, we headed down to MSG to play some pool and dance on the speakers. MSG was not as crowded as I fondly remember it being, however we managed to have a good time and meet some new guys.
One guy, Josh from Pitt Greensburg, was particularly attentive towards me for the evening. He was a blond, good looking Business-majoring junior from the Pittsburgh area who liked to work out. Josh was funny, making goofy faces as he would tell his jokes. We talked for awhile before I convinced him to join me out on the dance floor.
As MSG closed, Josh asked me for my number.
Alisha and I made our way back to her apartment for the night. After we had arrived I received a text from Josh, asking me where I was staying. I replied and then he texted back, "You DTF?"
I wasn't sure what I had just read. DTF. I looked at Alisha and asked her whether or not she knew what that meant. She said she didn't but could probably take a stab at it.
I answered Josh, questioning what the acronym stood for. "You know what it means." "Shut up. Get down here." Needlesstosay, I declined the so-eloquently made offer.
Had there been a change in the booty call text repertoire? I had only been in a serious relationship for a year; had it all changed so much? No more were the ways of asking to hook up with actual words. Rather, the booty call had been reduced to 3 capital letters in a text message.
According to a few friends it has been referenced in Jersey Shore. If this is the way singledom has evolved in the last year, maybe I should get a cat and learn to knit on the weekends.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Dating vs. dating
Sometimes, I'm afraid that the male species is de-evolving. Maybe there is something that the water is messing with in the XY (or is it XX) chromosome that make modern men a bit more challenged than previous generations.
My friends and I have had countless discussions on men's phobia and misinterpretation of "dating." Now, to clarify just exactly the jargon used to discuss relationships with men:
a date- one singular event, in which the male should take it upon himself to cover. This is particularly important if it is one of the first in a series of dates.
to date- to go on planned outings
dating- 1. to go on multiple dates with a singular person. 2. to go on multiple dates with multiple people. 3. to not be in a serious committed relationship with a singular person.
Dating- to be in a serious or committed relationship in which you only go on dates with one person, and that person only goes on dates with you.
Relationship- to be in a serious or committed relationship in which you only go on dates with one person, and that person only goes on dates with you.
To clarify, "hanging out," "talking to," and late night texts or meetings at bars do not qualify as a date.
Maybe now there won't be so much confusion. Or at least, we women can only hope!
My friends and I have had countless discussions on men's phobia and misinterpretation of "dating." Now, to clarify just exactly the jargon used to discuss relationships with men:
a date- one singular event, in which the male should take it upon himself to cover. This is particularly important if it is one of the first in a series of dates.
to date- to go on planned outings
dating- 1. to go on multiple dates with a singular person. 2. to go on multiple dates with multiple people. 3. to not be in a serious committed relationship with a singular person.
Dating- to be in a serious or committed relationship in which you only go on dates with one person, and that person only goes on dates with you.
Relationship- to be in a serious or committed relationship in which you only go on dates with one person, and that person only goes on dates with you.
To clarify, "hanging out," "talking to," and late night texts or meetings at bars do not qualify as a date.
Maybe now there won't be so much confusion. Or at least, we women can only hope!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Number
Why are we fascinated with numbers? Why do we care how many partners our new partner has had in the past? Does it matter? Do you really want to know what the real number is?
Wouldn't you RATHER know that he is clean? That he gets tested regularly?
I don't like giving out my number- even to guy friends who ask me when the subject is the topic of the conversation. Not because I think it is too large or too small, but for the simple fact that everyone has a different interpretation of what the correct number for a female in her 20s is.
If you tell a guy friend what your number is, he might be ok with it. However, if you let your boyfriend in on what your number is, he may not agree with your friend.
Why don't we just start asking this question: "Are you still a virgin?"
When the answer is, no, you simply reply: "Ok, good. Me either."
End conversation.
Wouldn't you RATHER know that he is clean? That he gets tested regularly?
I don't like giving out my number- even to guy friends who ask me when the subject is the topic of the conversation. Not because I think it is too large or too small, but for the simple fact that everyone has a different interpretation of what the correct number for a female in her 20s is.
If you tell a guy friend what your number is, he might be ok with it. However, if you let your boyfriend in on what your number is, he may not agree with your friend.
Why don't we just start asking this question: "Are you still a virgin?"
When the answer is, no, you simply reply: "Ok, good. Me either."
End conversation.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Hard to Handle
I went to my friend Kim's the other day. On her coffee table was a souvenir from a bachelorette party she had recently participated in. It was a hot pink Mardi Gras beaded necklace with a badge/sticker attached to it that read "Hard to Handle." I laughed and told her that perfectly described her.
Dierks Bentley, one of my favorite country singers has a song entitled "Lot of Leavin' Left To Do." In this fabulous song is a line that cries, "I guess the Lord made me hard to handle/ So lovin' me might be a long shot gamble."
In many of our single days, Kim and I would tote around this song & lyric as a badge of honor. I'm far too hard for you to handle. You're not man enough. I'm too good for you. It made us feel sexy and confident in our singlehood when we hit the bars.
However, it wasn't until one summer when it was used against me. My ex-boyfriend Zach sent me a message, weeks after breaking up with me, that in sum said "you're too hard to handle."
I was floored. I was too hard to handle? How was that possible? I did everything I could to be a "good" girlfriend. I made dinner for him. I didn't pick fights over silly little things. I didn't text or call constantly. I thought I gave him enough space. How could he justify saying that to me?
I desperately sought to understand myself and how I was hard to handle. Break up, after break up, I find myself being told in some capacity that I am hard to handle. That something about me is difficult to handle....but what exactly about me is hard to handle?
That question still has yet to be answered in a capacity that an educated woman feels is adequate. I get 3rd grade boy responses; boys who have yet to discover that a human being can think critically. "Because you are." "You just are, ok?"
Apparently a complete, complex thought and argument is too much for them to handle as well.
If that is the case, then I will, once again, try to relish in my hard to handle-ness. I need a man who understands that my hard to handle-ness is a wonderful part of me; if it is even a true facet of my personality.
Dierks Bentley, one of my favorite country singers has a song entitled "Lot of Leavin' Left To Do." In this fabulous song is a line that cries, "I guess the Lord made me hard to handle/ So lovin' me might be a long shot gamble."
In many of our single days, Kim and I would tote around this song & lyric as a badge of honor. I'm far too hard for you to handle. You're not man enough. I'm too good for you. It made us feel sexy and confident in our singlehood when we hit the bars.
However, it wasn't until one summer when it was used against me. My ex-boyfriend Zach sent me a message, weeks after breaking up with me, that in sum said "you're too hard to handle."
I was floored. I was too hard to handle? How was that possible? I did everything I could to be a "good" girlfriend. I made dinner for him. I didn't pick fights over silly little things. I didn't text or call constantly. I thought I gave him enough space. How could he justify saying that to me?
I desperately sought to understand myself and how I was hard to handle. Break up, after break up, I find myself being told in some capacity that I am hard to handle. That something about me is difficult to handle....but what exactly about me is hard to handle?
That question still has yet to be answered in a capacity that an educated woman feels is adequate. I get 3rd grade boy responses; boys who have yet to discover that a human being can think critically. "Because you are." "You just are, ok?"
Apparently a complete, complex thought and argument is too much for them to handle as well.
If that is the case, then I will, once again, try to relish in my hard to handle-ness. I need a man who understands that my hard to handle-ness is a wonderful part of me; if it is even a true facet of my personality.
A Keeper
My best friend lives in NYC. She is a grunt worker at a big company in the city that never sleeps--and sometimes I wonder if she ever does!
A few weeks ago she was in a coffee shop, picking up orders for her bosses. In the drink holder she had 4 cups of coffee and as she was walking out the door a young man kept insisting that she took one of the wrong drinks. While my best friend insisted that no, she had the correct drinks, the guy was relentless. Finally, she conceded and checked. Oopps! She had taken one of the wrong drinks. He proceeded to chit chat with her and they agreed to meet for coffee on her lunch break the following day.
At coffee, during her hour long lunch, this young man appeared to make quite the connection with my best friend. They found that they had a good deal in common and that he actually worked for the legal part of the same company. She gives him her number and 6 days later he calls her for a dinner date. (Note: He did not text, and even tells her that he thinks a call is more personal for a date.)
Enter the dinner date meeting at 8:30pm. My best friend arrives and sees her date at the bar. He had arrived a few minutes previous to her arrival and he tells her that he has already ordered her a cocktail. The minutes pass and she politely asks him what time the dinner reservation is for. He responds with 10:30pm. My best friend is now ready to eat her own hand and asks why he made it so late if they were meeting at 8:30pm.
His response: "Well I was hoping that I would be able to get you drunk enough to sleep with me before actually having to pay for your meal."
Does that battle strategy really work on young women these days?!?!
A few weeks ago she was in a coffee shop, picking up orders for her bosses. In the drink holder she had 4 cups of coffee and as she was walking out the door a young man kept insisting that she took one of the wrong drinks. While my best friend insisted that no, she had the correct drinks, the guy was relentless. Finally, she conceded and checked. Oopps! She had taken one of the wrong drinks. He proceeded to chit chat with her and they agreed to meet for coffee on her lunch break the following day.
At coffee, during her hour long lunch, this young man appeared to make quite the connection with my best friend. They found that they had a good deal in common and that he actually worked for the legal part of the same company. She gives him her number and 6 days later he calls her for a dinner date. (Note: He did not text, and even tells her that he thinks a call is more personal for a date.)
Enter the dinner date meeting at 8:30pm. My best friend arrives and sees her date at the bar. He had arrived a few minutes previous to her arrival and he tells her that he has already ordered her a cocktail. The minutes pass and she politely asks him what time the dinner reservation is for. He responds with 10:30pm. My best friend is now ready to eat her own hand and asks why he made it so late if they were meeting at 8:30pm.
His response: "Well I was hoping that I would be able to get you drunk enough to sleep with me before actually having to pay for your meal."
Does that battle strategy really work on young women these days?!?!
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