Wednesday, December 1, 2010

All Righty, Cupid!

My friend Dani lives and works in a big east coast city.  Working crazy long hours in the city and not really knowing many people in the area has made it difficult to meet men, let alone get to go on a date with a man.  As a way to meet men, she joined, what we like to call "the virtual bar" of online dating.  There are cute guys, weirdo, creepers, and just plain nice guys who just want to meet a sane, normal woman. 

At the virtual bar she has become acquainted with all sorts of men.  Up until recently she has had a rather pleasant experience at the bar.  Creepers were at a minimum. However, lately, she wonders whether or not the full moon is out, because the weirdness is coming out of the woodwork!

One potential noticed that she spoke another language.  He then proceeded to write her nearly a page long message in Hungarian.  While on the phone, explaining this situation to me, she exclaimed, "What if I write him a message in ancient Egyptian because I notice that he is of Egyptian decent. Here is some ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics for you honey! You're ancestors can read them, don't worry!"

At the virtual bar, the server asks you what age range you want your potential dates to fall between.  Dani's limit is 31.  She received a message from a man that started out... "I know I'm a little older than your range is..." So Dani, trying to keep an open mind, thinking she could probably date someone who was about 35. Nope. He was 52 years old. A little older?!?! Sorry, grandpa, but you should probably move your butt over to eHarmony before you dieeeeeee!

While these two are examples of amusing dating antidotes, there are also the more sinister and Jersey Shore-like offerings that are made during what appears at first to be a normal conversation.

One potential date started talking about football with her. The conversation then turned to what he thought about her looks. He thought she was really good looking...but he didn't stop there with the compliments. He then proceeded to compliment her body in detail, admitting what he liked about each tiny facet of her body...and that he'd hit that.  Had they been dating and knew each other better, maybe this could have been laughed off or even served as foreplay. However, this was the first time they were meeting.  The worse part was that he didn't understand that she wasn't being a prude about the situation, but rather was just trying to be a respected woman. 

The second potential flop was a similar scenario.  She was talking with this guy about how she liked working out, going to the gym, and doing yoga.  He too enjoyed going to the gym. Great something in common------------Screeeeccch. "So if you're into fitness, can you "fit" my d*** in your mouth?" Excuse me?!?! Are you kidding me? The worse part was he tried to apologize over and over again for it, saying sometimes he says the wrong things, but he had always wanted to use that line before.  Sorry, bud, but you aren't 16, you should be socially aware that it would be inappropriate to use that sort of "line" the first time you talk to a woman. 

So, needless to say Dani is starting to get a little frustrated.  She isn't looking to find Prince Charming today, tomorrow, or even next week...but she would like a decent, caring man to spend some of her time with.  However, after some experiences like this, Dani looks up to the sky and screams, "all righty, Cupid, where is Prince Charming?  I fold!"

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