My Bible

I have tried in my life to become closer with God. I was raised Lutheran, went to church, Sunday school, and all that jazz growing up. However I've never been able to really entrench myself in having complete faith in God. I was never able to turn to the Bible for help or guidance when I was going through a rough time-- including Basic Training. If there ever was a time when I was seeking extra strength and perseverance it was then. Yet, I couldn't find what I was looking for.  I've bought and tried to read The Purpose Driven Life. But I can't relate to it. I feel like a fake reading it. 

I feel that I need to understand the here and now. Eternity, I don't have to try to understand. I get it. It's going to be more love and joy that I've ever experienced. I don't have to worry about that. What I do need to concern myself with, at least I feel, is making sense and making calm with the here and now.

So my "Bible" has become Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love. She doesn't have all the answers. And I don't go to her, looking to find the answers or solutions to my problems. But I read this book over and over again because she makes me feel like I am not alone in my search for more. She makes me feel as though I am not the only "normal" person who has all these different facets of her personality, who can go through 500 emotions in one day, and still live a "normal" life. Reading this book, I am not alone. I have her words, her struggles, her thoughts and emotions that mirror many of mine to find solace in. 

I keep her book on the table beside my bed. There are underlined passages. I pick it up and turn to certain parts when I need something to comfort me.  I don't read the book cover to cover. I just read it now for what I need. 

Gilbert talks about so many different things in this book. Love, friendships, understanding your relationships, divorce, breaking up, searching for God in any form, seeking balance, not being able to shut off her mind, family, work, culture, traveling the world, prayer...

For me, it is easier to relate to Eat Pray Love than it is the Bible. Yes, they encompass many of the same areas, but Gilbert writes about it in a way that makes sense to me.  Her words touch my heart. Her words about God and prayer touch my heart.

So maybe I am sacrilegious.  Maybe I shouldn't say that Eat Pray Love is my Bible. But I don't know what else to call it.

Like Gilbert I firmly believe that God dwells within you, as you. I have a close relationship with God.  We talk. He knows me [I'm still trying to fully understand myself]. And if it were truly necessary for me to find the solace and guidance I need in order to understand myself and the world I live in within the text of His Book, then I think He would bless me with that ability. However, He hasn't [yet?].  Instead, I feel He is blessing me by allowing me to find it through the words of someone else.

As Gilbert writes, "...If God wanted me to be a shy girl with thick, dark hair, He would have made me that way, but He didn't. Useful, then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein." (192)