24 Goals Update

So it is now March...3 months into my 24th year on this Earth.  Figured I'd update you on what I have accomplished in the last 90ish days.

1. Rock my student teaching semester. Conquer it. Learn. Become a better teacher.This is definitely happening! I start my next placement on Wednesday but I rocked my first student teaching placement.  Both my cooperating teachers agreed I have chosen the right profession. My supervisor even said I am well on her [my] way to having her [my] own classroom." :)

15. Gain a more professional demeanor.
Still in progress, but I have certainly come into my own professional demeanor. This was specifically pointed out to me when I presented at a Social Studies conference this past Friday to veteran teachers.  Yes, a student presented to teachers.

On an unprofessional note, I'm totally bad ass & def got sawg.

17. Try 24 new beers, rather than the old standbys
Ok, I haven't gotten to 24 yet, but I'm working on it. What I've tried:
Ithica Smoked Porterhouse- tastes burnt/smoked. No thanks!
Sweetwater Brew 420- ehh it's all right
Sierra Nevada- LT said the draft was old, so I don't think I got the real flavor. Definitely have to try it again.
Brickyard Porter- pretty nice, I'd drink it every once and a while
Sam Adam's Pildsilfjdfj- I can't remember the name, but it's new & I don't like it. Too much after flavor.
Smithwycks- Had this on St. Patty's Day...definitely better than that first Irish beer I had that night!

I know I've tried a few others, but seriously I haven't been impressed. Molson Canadian is still #1 in my book.

22. See Luke, Lady A, and Dierks in concert.
Well I saw one of them- LUKE!! Actually won the concert tickets at the end of January! Freaking awesome experience! Read: Meeting  & Greeting Luke Bryan blog post.

24. Bring my 1.5mile time down from 13:30 to 12:00.I have brought my time down at the gym when I time myself on my sweet Ironman 30 Lap watch.  Currently running about a 12:05 1.5mile and a 16:25 2 mile. Go me!

Wingman

I used to think I was strong enough to handle things on my own. I used to think I could deal with all my issues and emotions on my own. I didn't need to burden my friends with asking them for help.  I never used to ask for help.

But this year I have learned and started to recognize how awesome it is when you have someone out there to watch your back. 

One of the first examples of it, that I really noticed was during my littlest brother's wrestling tournament.  Vic and Brian have been best friends since they were in first grade together.  They play football and wrestle together for our high school.  They take care of each other. If you've ever been to a wrestling tournament with a dozen different schools, with at least 4 mats for matches, you know how chaotic the atmosphere is.  Yet through it all, Vic and Brian have each other's back.  Vic will stand behind the coaches and watch Brian's matches.  He will grab Brian's iPod, Gatorade, and shirt that he threw down before the match started and bring it to him.  Brian does the same thing for him. It has always been like that between the two of them during wrestling season.  They are the only two on the team that I see do this so diligently.  They are attuned to each other's needs.

I experienced it for myself when I was at Basic Training.  D'Aprile was my bunk mate and from the very first day we were starting to watch each other's backs. Honestly, at BMT two heads and eyes were better than one. You got your stuff together more efficiently. You got in trouble less because you and your stuff was squared away.  This was most closely seen when our first locker inspection occurred and both of us received demerits for the same way we rolled our tan t-shirts. There was no way I was going to let her fall, and she wasn't going to let me.

I think it's important to have one person in your life that is your Wingman, battle buddy. Even though you don't use them all the time and for every crisis, you know that if you need them, they have your back. It's an inexplicable bond that you can't fully understand until it happens to you.  In a way, I think they come into your life when you are in desperate need of them.  And once they are in your life, they won't ever leave. 

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

I am going to talk a little politics mixed with some sociology in this post, so you've been warned.

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell," the military policy about gays serving has been repealed in the last few days.  Now, what I'm going to be writing about has nothing to do with what side I am on.  This isn't what my discussion is about.  My point about the repeal is how the military and US government is going to work in marriage into the whole repeal.

Now, I know many of you are thinking "the repeal has nothing to do with gay marriage." Ok, you're right. On the surface it does not. I guess what I'm talking about is the possibility of an even larger outcry for legalizing gay marriage within the country. 

Here's where I am coming from. When you are in the military, if you are married you receive BAH, which pays for your housing expenses.  Your spouse is allowed to take part in your health care through the military. You are allowed to live on base housing together.  Your spouse is recognized as your legal dependent.

Now that gays are allowed to openly serve (openly being the key word) I have a feeling that there is a good chance that in the next couple of years they will be clamoring for rights for their partners to be included in the rights that heterosexual military couples share. 

Why? Well, I think that many gay service members will begin to see the injustice of the system.  At least more so than they already do. They may have a long term partner, one they have been committed to for years (and probably longer than many privates have been to their spouses....), yet they are not capable of receiving the same benefits simply because they do not have a piece of paper that you pay $60 to file and $20 to register for down at the courthouse. 

I think that with the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" there will be a greater push for gay marriage to be legalized, so that these men and women, who sacrifice their lives for their country, are able to provide for the one they love.

Let's face it, the institute of marriage, as far as control by the government is concerned is a reactive policy.  People have been living together and separating for thousands of years.  It is only under government that it becomes part of the jurisdiction of the law. Really, marriage and commitment is a matter of the human heart and its emotions.  Government has sought to control it throughout the centuries.  I think it is only a matter of time before gay marriage is part of the law and I believe that the repeal of this act will be a stepping stone for gay rights activists. 

Feel free to react.

Suicide

I have always seemed to be a little bit more on the melancholy side of happiness. Maybe it is the perfectionist in me that knows my life is far from perfect feeling deep sadness. I'm not really sure.

What I am sure is that I lost two men from my brother flight (265) from BMT within a week.  Both men, committed suicide. 

I've never known anyone to commit suicide before.  Now I know two. We have these events called "Safety Down Days" where we are forced to watch videos telling us to watch for signs within our fellow airmen who might be contemplating ending their lives. They all advise us to have them speak with a Chaplin...but the joke is that, once they do, they'll want to commit suicide even more because they'll be getting a discharge.

I don't know what was happening with Green & Alvarez that the both felt that ending their lives was the answer. I don't know why they felt that this could be the answer.  I don't know that they really vocalized these feelings to anyone from back home or at their duty stations.

What I do know is that I feel a great sense of loss.  Loss of two wonderful young men who were doing something very meaningful with their life, yet still felt an emptiness inside that couldn't be silenced.  They were heroes, didn't they know that?!?! Wasn't there anyone they could have talked to in order to convince them that this wasn't the answer? They were doing a great thing for themselves and their family...and now their families must mourn the loss of their young sons. 

I wish that they would have found solace here on earth....
R.I.P. Airman Green
R.I.P. Airman Alvarez

High Crawl

“If nothing else, one day you can look someone straight in the eyes and say, ‘But I lived through it. And it made me who I am today.’”- I Wrote This For You

Those 8 weeks at boot camp were some of the longest days of my life. They were some of the most challenging times, mentally and physically. I thought that I was prepared, but I know now, no amount of preparation could have prepared me ever. 

It's not that I was out of shape. I was in really good shape. It's not that I couldn't take being yelled at. I could, but I did hate it. It's not that I couldn't take being away from my family. I had been on my own in North Carolina before hand. It's not that I couldn't stand being in a bay of 59 other women. It definitely wasn't an ideal situation, but I have come out with some amazing women for friends.

Ok, so if I could handle all that stuff, what was so challenging?

Can you say Beast Week's Obstacle Course, high crawling up a hill? This is one of the things that sticks out in my mind. Many of the other times have blended together to just become a time in my life that I didn't really love, but this...this hill was a challenge. 

I was so scared. I literally started crying as I stood in line with Wirdges and Bouton. I had a helmet & ballistic vest on with an M16 in my hand and there I was as the rain was starting to come down (very picturesque). I was so afraid that I would not actually be able to high crawl up that damn hill, at a 45 degree angle, at least 200 feet, probably more I just can't fathom how many feet would really be in a hill that size. Wirdges told me it would be all right; that she'd be right there by my side. 

She was. She high crawled up that damn hill beside me and encouraged me as the sand got in my eyes, as my helmet fell over my face, as I became exhausted, as I got soaked from the rain, as I got sand in places where no one should get sand...

I have no idea how I really made it up that hill. I don't even know how long it all took. It felt like it was never going to happen, but there I was, getting over the hump in the hill and I was seeing 265/266 building temper tents together.

Since, I have come to the conclusion that the hill should be a metaphor for life and life's many challenges.  Sometimes I am scared to death about doing something.  But, with determination, encouragement, and strong will, I am able to get to struggle up the hill and eventually reach the easier place in the plateau. 

While I might have hated it; While  I might have feared it; I can say that I lived through that...and it has definitely helped to shape who I am.

Before I'm 30 List

People always refer to their Bucket List. The things in life they want to do before they die. Me, on the other hand, I'm a bit more ambitious. I want to have as many adventures and things crossed off my list by the time I'm 30. Why wait until I am old, have decaying bones, poor health, mortgage, possible spouse, children, grandchildren, and medical bills to worry about? More responsibility. The only things I have to worry about these days are my career, paying back student loans, and my car note. Just me. These are minimal in comparison. These are the days to conquer my list!

So my list:
1. Backpack/travel to England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, France, Germany, Italy (again), Greece, Denmark, Sweden, Russia, Mexico, Peru....Quebec....maybe a few others!
2. Get deployed to the Middle East.
3. Live overseas for at least 3 months.
4. Drive through all 48 continental United States.
5. Get published.
6. Research.
7. Join an alumna chapter & be involved.
8. Visit Nashville & see St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.
9. Go on an amazing vacation with my best friends.
10. Get tenure! (Wooo! Go me!)
11. Live in another state for at least a year.
12. Purchase a(nother) Jeep Wrangler.
13. Go deer hunting.
14. Make a palpable difference in a student's life.
15. Spoil my nephew and little cousins.
16. Take way too many pictures.
17. Fall in love (again).
18. Meet a celebrity. Preferably Luke Bryan.
19. Give back to Epsilon Iota & Allegheny College.
20. Visit NYC.
21. Throw my parent's an anniversary party.
22. Speak fluent Italian.

As for what I plan to do after I'm 30...well, I haven't really thought about it much.  I figure once I start crossing things off this list I'll think of more things I want to tackle. Let's face it, what I tackle, I conquer.

Ideas for the After I'm 30 List: jump out of an airplane; get married? maybe?; kids? maybe?; house? maybe? ehhh guess I'll figure that list out after this one is finished!

My Last Name

I have often declared to my boyfriends and my friends that I love my last name.  That I do not want to change it when (...should I say and if?...) I get married.  Men tend to shrink away when I state this declaration of near independence. 

The  "What about when you have kids? You'll have a different last name from them!" argument:
Yes. Thank you for noticing. Parents who have been divorced and are remarried typically have a different last name than their children from a previous union do as well. Sometimes single mothers give their children the father's last name.  In today's society, this is not something that is too much of a problem. In fact some colleagues actually have students write their parent's home/work phone number down with what they should be addressed as. 


The "You should take the husband's last name, that's what everyone else does. It's tradition" argument:
Ahh the tradition argument. Yes, you're right, it is tradition.  It is a custom we [those of us who are of European decent] have adopted since taking on last names in the Middle Ages. I get that; the men were the breadwinners of the day, they ruled the house, they were the only ones who had a true legal identity, so yes, it makes sense that women would take on their husband's last name upon marriage. Perhaps it is even romantic to think about your identity being merged with your love's.

But we no longer take on the other part of the original custom; women have a legal identity in today's society here in the U.S. Remember, that little thing called the 19th Amendment? It gave women the right to vote and made us separate citizens in legal terms from our fathers (after 18) and our husbands.  (Why do you think divorce is so messy these days? If we weren't legal citizens we wouldn't be able to sue for divorce -unless on the grounds of adultery- and we'd have no assets to fight to regain. It would all be our husband's since the moment our hand passed from our father's to his.)

Now I understand it is partially a sentimental tradition. But so is having a big, fancy, 19th century inspired wedding gown & a groom in a tux.  Think Queen Victoria's wedding.  Doesn't mean it is necessary.  Customs change. In colonial times, women wore yellow wedding dresses to symbolize constancy.  And there is nothing in the Bible that mandates wedding dresses, last names, etc.

My Last Name argument:
My last name is important to me. It sounds right with my first name. 

I am in the reserves.  I went to basic training. One of the most exciting moments of those 8 weeks was finally getting my name tape sewn onto my ABU jacket.  I felt as though I had earned the right to my last name.  Now, I haven't gone on a deployment yet, but I know that when I do, I will come home with even more pride in the name I wear across my chest.
My grandfather was in the Army in WWII.  He and I share the same last name.  Now that I too am in the military I feel a connection to him that I was unable to make when he was alive. 

I use my last name in my professional career outside of the military as well.  My certifications are in my last name. I am called by my last name.  I claim authorship to my writing and research with my last name.

My last name is part of who I am. It is a symbol of who I am and I do not want to let go of it, simply because I decide to spend my life with a single person. I do not see myself as only my first name. I am that weird Latin/Italian/Germanic mix that is represented in my namesakes.  Just like I am a country girl and city lover co-mingling within the same being.


I do not fault or judge women who change their last name when they get married. I think that in the 21st century it is a personal choice driven out of the 1970s feminist movement; just like birth control.  I choose to keep mine.

I don't see why I can't be referred to as Mrs. Bryan in my personal life. Why can't I call up the pizza shop and tell them that the pick up order is under Mrs. Bryan instead of Ms. Gilmore? Why can't I let my son's friends call me Mrs. Bryan? It's only legally that I'm trying to preserve my name, not necessarily socially. 

Hopefully Mr. Right will understand. If not, maybe I can give up something else. Perhaps I'll offer him a den with big comfy couches, big screen TV, bar, and pool table where he can watch football games all season if I can legally keep my last name.

When we walk into the wedding reception, they can even say "Introducing Mr & Mrs Bryan." I promise I won't mind.