Ex-Girlfriends

One thing I have always been insecure and anxious about are ex-girlfriends. I have never been able to be comfortable with the idea that my boyfriend is friends with his ex.

Now, in a perfect world, that does sounds great, right? They couldn't work it out romantically, but the bond was still there and its strictly platonic.  Hell, there have been time I'd have killed to be friends with my exes.  Well, some of them anyhow. 

But the truth is, I don't talk to any of the guys who were my serious boyfriends.  In fact, I only talk to one guy that I ever even dated and its not on a regular basis.  Even when I want to be friends with them, they don't want to be friends with me.  So that's why I feel I am partially anxious about the whole relationship. 

I mean, where, when, and how do you separate the fact that you used to sleep with this person and love this person, and now you are just able to talk to them as though they were always the girl next door who you used to pull pranks with?! How do you do it? From personal experience I think it might be easier to separate Siamese twins that are conjoined at the skull with a dental pick.  That sounds much easier than being friends with an ex!

Another part of why it is so hard for me to wrap my head around the whole concept and be ok with it is my insecurities. As women we are nearly trained to view other women as threats. And I see this woman as a threat. She has slept with my boyfriend. She knows intimate details about him. She has memories with him. It would be like Lee and McClellan being bffs at West Point before the Battle of Bull Run.  They know all these secrets and weaknesses about each other. 

Wouldn't it sometimes be easier to deal with the comfort of an ex than deal with the newness of a new girlfriend? Moreover, how does the family see you versus her? Do they like her better? Do they wish you were her? Or his friends. Did they like her better because she'd always bring them beer on poker nights? 

I know that these are insecure thoughts, but I also know I am not alone in feeling this way about a boyfriend being friends with his exes.  Women worry that they aren't good enough.  And having a boyfriend chat up his ex in the most friendliest of manners, definitely can make you feel as though you might not be able to ever measure up.  It's not like she is the ex he never talks to and you know you are much better than.

Nope, you're just sitting there, biting at your nails, wondering how it all works.  And contemplating about those Siamese twins.