Going through Barnes & Nobles yesterday I stumbled upon a realization as I walked into the "Relationship" section of the store. What was the realization?! That all these books are telling us how we are supposed to play the dating game; how we are supposed to act in order to land a man; who is going to be our Mr. Right. I even picked up one of these books [Why Men Loves Bitches to be exact, because Kim always tells me I need to read it].
What I also realized is that even within one book there is conflicting information. Moreover, many of these guidelines that are floating out there in "relationship-wanted" space differ from how I would view you are supposed to treat someone once you are in a relationship. Is it really that difficult? Do we really need this much guidance? Should we really analyze and scrutinize every moment, word, gesture, and deed that occurs when you are just starting to date someone?
Simply, I don't think it is all so necessary.
While I definitely think some of the points made in the books are valid and should be something that both men and women follow when they are dating someone, I also feel like these things shouldn't only occur at the outset of dating.
For instance, having your own life and your own hobbies is a valid thing to come from these books. Its important to stress to women to create their own identity and keep it; before, during, and after a man comes into their life. This I have not always done, I will admit. But I have definitely gotten much better at it as I have gotten older. It's even caused a breakup.
Treating an asshole the way he deserves to be treated, ditto. Give him hell if the situation warrants it and never talk to him again!
However, the advice that tells you not to be nice to the guy you are seeing- to be a bitch to him, I really don't think it is going to make men like you anymore. Yea, maybe not be a doormat, but if the guy asks you to pick something up on your way over, are you being taken advantage of if you do it, or are you simply being yourself and doing a kind gesture for someone you like? [I think the latter.] If it was a girlfriend that asked you to do this favor, no one would have a problem with it, but when it comes to a man, apparently the rules [in some books] are completely flip-flopped. [Yet if you notice in the article about the 5 secrets, one of the "secrets" is to treat your man as though he was a friend...see no consensus.]
Perhaps this is just my justification. What do I know?! I'm single, so apparently something isn't working perfectly. I am nice to the guy I am seeing. I'm a kind person in general, but I guess I am a bit nicer to the guy I'm seeing. Or at the very least I try to make it obvious that he is getting treated a little differently then how I treat some random guy on the street that I'm not spending my time with. I don't [typically, but have on occasion] do anything for him that I wouldn't do for a friend. According to Why Men Love Bitches, I am failing on some aspects, but passing in others.
Oi vie! As Scarlett O'Hara gripped, "Why does a girl have to be so silly to catch a husband?"
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