Hurt Little Girl

I recently went out for coffee with someone who used to be my closest friend in the entire world.  He used to know everything about me. He used to understand me. However, time and circumstance have separated us in nearly every manner possible, yet I attempted to get together with him to catch up, as he was always asking me to every time he was in the area. 

He said he had been keeping up with me by reading my blog posts.  I was shocked to even hear that he cared that much.  But then he went on to tell me that I sounded like a "hurt little girl" in my entries.  I didn't get angry when he told me this, but I did get a bit defensive. 

I am not a hurt little girl.

Yes, I have been hurt in the past, and especially hurt a few months ago.  However, I am good. I feel stronger and more independent than I ever have. I stood up for myself and my beliefs in this past relationship and even though I did desperately want it to work out, it didn't. I grieved [as you have read], I've thought deeply about everything that occurred, tried to make sense of it all, and to be honest I really do feel good about it all. I thought things would turn out differently, but really I do feel great.

Sometimes I feel lonely, but I was lonely even when I was dating Maj. So nothing has changed there. But I have put all my energies into creating a better self that the hurt little girl within me has disappeared.  She might be still lingering...a mere 3-5% left within me, but I think that is normal now that I am 24.

I mean let's face it. If you're in your mid-20s and you are still single there is a pretty good chance you have been hurt at least once before by someone you loved [or thought you loved].  Scars, some of them at least, never heal permanently.  That scar tissue is always present. You're not like Wolverine- your injuries don't disappear and seem as though they never occurred. 

Yet, there is a big difference between 3-5% and being characterized as a "hurt little girl." And if he still thinks I am after my defense at coffee and reading this...then I can't help him. I simply know how I feel. And I feel wonderful.