Road Trips

When I was younger our family vacations started with a road trip; all 5 of us and our stuff piled up in our garnet and grey van.  When I was in high school I never went on the road trips that my cousin & I or my friends & I dreamed of finally being able to go on when we turned 16. But my sense of adventure, or rather, burning desire for adventure has never subsided.

I first started conducting my solo road trips when I was a freshman in college. I drove from Brockport to Allegheny nearly every other weekend to visit my high school boyfriend.  During the summer of my junior year I would travel to Pittsburgh to see a boyfriend.  Later in my senior year of college I drove to North Carolina to see Zach who was stationed in Fayetteville. 

I guess I started falling in love with driving.  I bought a new car that got better gas mileage so that it wouldn't cost so much.  I remembered the fun I would have as a kid, cruising along the road, seeing what was out there, listening to the radio (which is how I can sing along to all the Oldies songs my parents listen to). I was out there on the road by myself. I controlled my own destination.  I felt free.

There is something that makes me feel alive when I'm out there on the road. I love feeling the sun beat in through the windshield. I love the sound of the wind gushing through the open windows.  I love turning the radio up as loud as I can make it when I find a station with one of my favorites. I love the way I can scan the radio and hear a song that I haven't heard in awhile, years perhaps, that immediately puts a smile on my face. I love not having a GPS system guide me. Yes, I have the directions written down, but the way "going with your gut" when it comes to directions gives the instant gratification of strength and courage that nothing else has ever compared to in my life. I love stopping in new places to get gasoline.

I think that the road trips I have been on are a mirror of my life.  Obviously they are moments in my life, but more than that the road trip itself is a mirror of my inner being and situation.  I have had my share of boyfriends, but all for one trip, it has been a solo journey.    I have made wrong turns. I have stopped and asked for directions.  I have nearly run out of gasoline.  I have had the anxiety of whether or not I actually took the correct exit.  I have discovered a place I had only heard of in books.  I have taken pictures. I have seen battlefields. I have crossed over plains and rivers. I have felt alone and scared. I have journeyed through mountains. I have felt happy and exhilarated.  I am always the driver.  I am in control.  I look forward to the drive to my destination, but typically dread the return home. I have felt like a pioneer. 

For those reasons above, it only seemed appropriate that after my recent heartache I take a road trip. However, this was no ordinary breakup. This was not some boy I just needed to get over.  This was a man I thought I was going to spend forever with.  So, I decided I needed, my soul needed, my heart needed more than one road trip. 4 to be precise. In the span of 5 weeks. To help me, my soul, and my heart to move forward and forget the past with new, bright, and happy moments. 

Maybe then, I'll find peace. Or at least the start of it.