I Got Over You

Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left, just left me cold and out of breath
I felt if I was in way to deep, guess I let you get the best of me
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you ~Daughtry

If you have been reading along for the last few months you know that I went through a terrible, messy, and emotional breakup with Maj this September.  I was a mess, I'm not going to lie. I felt like I never was going to be able to feel happy or whole again. I felt like everything I had dreamt of, longed for, would always be out of reach.

However, I was able to heal. I feel whole again. I actually think I feel more whole now that I ever did when Maj and I were together. I am not sad. I don't miss him. I don't worry about what's happening in the world constantly. I feel like I can do whatever I want. I can make myself happy, without consulting a soul. 

Part of my healing process was certainly the many road trips I took this fall. Partly it was the concerts I went to and sung my heart out at.  Part of it was putting my heart into school and learning all I could about how to create effective learning experiences for students.  I wanted nothing more than to feel needed by a student.  Part of it was spending countless hours with my best friends, laughing, crying, griping about men, and sharing my experiences with them.  Part of it was trying to date again so that I didn't end up hating men. 

But there was one night, one night I thought I would never get through. One night where I could not shake the lonely feeling that brewed inside of me, despite being surrounded by people all night long.

And that is when I called LT.  It was 2am and I have no idea what possessed me to choose him out of all the guy friends I have, but I did. After talking to him on the phone until about 7am, I finally felt happy. The night I thought I'd never get through, I did with LT's help. However, LT has no idea that the night I called him was the night I thought I'd never get through. He could tell I was upset about something and when I told him I didn't want to talk about it, he was all right with it. He didn't pressure me to open up about it.

Then next morning, I felt so much better. I don't know what kind of salve LT put on my wounded heart, but it felt so much better. In the following few days I came to the revelation that it was over. That I was over Maj.  I didn't talk about him, I didn't think about him, I didn't care about him. I had had my experience with him, wished perhaps I had used a little better judgment when it came to our whole relationship, but it was over and I was over the saddness and the emotional baggage.