"Regular Joe," by Ashton Shepherd is one of my favorite songs. In the last few months I have been dating a man who fits the description of Ashton's "Regular Joe." He is a very good man. He is honest with me; more importantly he seems to be honest with himself & know himself. He is fun, educated, interesting, driven, and quite caring.
I met Joe about two years ago, but it wasn't until this past December that I started to see what he had to offer. He is all those things I have dreamed of and wanted to find in a man. You know the man you dream up as Mr. Right? Well maybe he isn't exactly Mr. Right, but Joe has certainly checked off many of the boxes I always wanted to be filled, but never were with any of the other guys I dated.
I have finally begun to see what real happiness might be with another person. Our time together is limited but when we are together I experience this calm happiness. My mind quiets, I laugh even more than I normally do, and I feel myself growing as a person. It just feels "right." It feels good.
I feel very comfortable around him. While I still try to impress him by getting dolled up, etc. to me, being with Joe is like slipping on my Allegheny College sweatpants after being in a pencil skirt all day at work. I can get around him and just slip into my "real" self.
I don't know if Joe and I will ever officially be a couple. There are many reasons for that. But what Joe has given me is some assurance. There is another person out there who can check off most of the boxes I have for "Mr. Right." There is a person out there, besides my best friends, who I can be myself with, while I still try to impress him a little. Joe knows the "real me" and luckily he hasn't run for the hills yet.
http://youtu.be/go-VeP4A2m8 Check out "Regular Joe"
A 20-somethings' musings on life, friendships, relationships, love, and becoming a woman.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Look at These Photographs
As I look at the photographs that I shoved in my closet back in September, I do not feel anything. In fact, I don't recognize that girl or that boy who stood there smiling together. I know that one point my heart overflowed with love for him. But now, I can't even call up a small amount of that feeling. Or even a feeling of missing him.
When I drove to Georgia two weeks ago, I realized I have transformed so much of myself in the last several months. It started back last May and it has continued. The woman I am today is not the same girl I was last May, or June, or even September. So much loss, commotion, and grief has been felt by my heart in the last year. On account of that, when I look at those photographs of Maj and I, don't recognize him and I seriously don't recognize myself. I feel like I am looking at pictures of myself from high school; that's how changed I feel I have become in the last year.
When I drove to Georgia two weeks ago, I realized I have transformed so much of myself in the last several months. It started back last May and it has continued. The woman I am today is not the same girl I was last May, or June, or even September. So much loss, commotion, and grief has been felt by my heart in the last year. On account of that, when I look at those photographs of Maj and I, don't recognize him and I seriously don't recognize myself. I feel like I am looking at pictures of myself from high school; that's how changed I feel I have become in the last year.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
24 Goals Update
So it is now March...3 months into my 24th year on this Earth. Figured I'd update you on what I have accomplished in the last 90ish days.
1. Rock my student teaching semester. Conquer it. Learn. Become a better teacher.This is definitely happening! I start my next placement on Wednesday but I rocked my first student teaching placement. Both my cooperating teachers agreed I have chosen the right profession. My supervisor even said I am well on her [my] way to having her [my] own classroom." :)
15. Gain a more professional demeanor.
Still in progress, but I have certainly come into my own professional demeanor. This was specifically pointed out to me when I presented at a Social Studies conference this past Friday to veteran teachers. Yes, a student presented to teachers.
On an unprofessional note, I'm totally bad ass & def got sawg.
17. Try 24 new beers, rather than the old standbys
Ok, I haven't gotten to 24 yet, but I'm working on it. What I've tried:
Ithica Smoked Porterhouse- tastes burnt/smoked. No thanks!
Sweetwater Brew 420- ehh it's all right
Sierra Nevada- LT said the draft was old, so I don't think I got the real flavor. Definitely have to try it again.
Brickyard Porter- pretty nice, I'd drink it every once and a while
Sam Adam's Pildsilfjdfj- I can't remember the name, but it's new & I don't like it. Too much after flavor.
Smithwycks- Had this on St. Patty's Day...definitely better than that first Irish beer I had that night!
I know I've tried a few others, but seriously I haven't been impressed. Molson Canadian is still #1 in my book.
22. See Luke, Lady A, and Dierks in concert.
Well I saw one of them- LUKE!! Actually won the concert tickets at the end of January! Freaking awesome experience! Read: Meeting & Greeting Luke Bryan blog post.
24. Bring my 1.5mile time down from 13:30 to 12:00.I have brought my time down at the gym when I time myself on my sweet Ironman 30 Lap watch. Currently running about a 12:05 1.5mile and a 16:25 2 mile. Go me!
1. Rock my student teaching semester. Conquer it. Learn. Become a better teacher.This is definitely happening! I start my next placement on Wednesday but I rocked my first student teaching placement. Both my cooperating teachers agreed I have chosen the right profession. My supervisor even said I am well on her [my] way to having her [my] own classroom." :)
15. Gain a more professional demeanor.
Still in progress, but I have certainly come into my own professional demeanor. This was specifically pointed out to me when I presented at a Social Studies conference this past Friday to veteran teachers. Yes, a student presented to teachers.
On an unprofessional note, I'm totally bad ass & def got sawg.
17. Try 24 new beers, rather than the old standbys
Ok, I haven't gotten to 24 yet, but I'm working on it. What I've tried:
Ithica Smoked Porterhouse- tastes burnt/smoked. No thanks!
Sweetwater Brew 420- ehh it's all right
Sierra Nevada- LT said the draft was old, so I don't think I got the real flavor. Definitely have to try it again.
Brickyard Porter- pretty nice, I'd drink it every once and a while
Sam Adam's Pildsilfjdfj- I can't remember the name, but it's new & I don't like it. Too much after flavor.
Smithwycks- Had this on St. Patty's Day...definitely better than that first Irish beer I had that night!
I know I've tried a few others, but seriously I haven't been impressed. Molson Canadian is still #1 in my book.
22. See Luke, Lady A, and Dierks in concert.
Well I saw one of them- LUKE!! Actually won the concert tickets at the end of January! Freaking awesome experience! Read: Meeting & Greeting Luke Bryan blog post.
24. Bring my 1.5mile time down from 13:30 to 12:00.I have brought my time down at the gym when I time myself on my sweet Ironman 30 Lap watch. Currently running about a 12:05 1.5mile and a 16:25 2 mile. Go me!
Pearl Kind of Girl
Being single has made me realize just what a great woman I am. Most guys like cubic zirconia, but honey I'm a pearl. I'm real & I keep growing more and more fabulous everyday. If you want a fake, cheap girl, you can have her. I'll wait for the man who understands how rare and precious pearls really are. Until then, I'll be growing more fabulous, reaching my goals, creating bigger dreams, and helping the world. Don't worry, her shine will wear off soon. ~ L.G.
Actions > Words...Right?
Every girl loves compliments. We love it when guys we are dating or crushing on are cutesy with us. Girls eat that stuff up. We want to feel special. I am no different, I'll admit it.
However, after dating several guys who would pack on the compliments & the cutesy stuff heavy and from the start...who ended up several weeks later, basically cutting me down with their comments and forgetting they ever thought I was "beautiful," "amazing," "the perfect girl," "exactly what I've been waiting for"... I decided that what I wanted was a guy to be real with me. To not think of me as this special girl to be put on a pedestal [because I kept falling every time I was placed there]. I didn't want anymore cutesy "baby" crap after every sentence uttered to me. No, I wanted to be seen as an equal.
Well ladies & gentlemen, I have finally gotten my wish!
The downside to my wish that I didn't realize when I made it: All that cutesy crap helped me to identify that a guy was into me. Without it I have been struggling to know whether or not a guy is into me. It's not so clear when you are treated like an equal. Now it is all about him showing me, demonstrating to me that he cares. And since I see the good in people, I tend to believe he does these sorts of things for everyone in his life that he doesn't hate. What can I say, sometimes L.G. is a complicated woman!
I'm not saying that cutesy stuff isn't uttered...but it isn't the constant bombardment of those words anymore. Which in my head [somehow] translates now to: << He only likes me sometimes.>>
Although it has caused more complications...more speculation, I think I might be on the right track. As we all know, actions speak louder than words. Often times words are simply the thing we say to get what we want. Actions are what we do to prove, to explain, to declare our true feelings.
However, after dating several guys who would pack on the compliments & the cutesy stuff heavy and from the start...who ended up several weeks later, basically cutting me down with their comments and forgetting they ever thought I was "beautiful," "amazing," "the perfect girl," "exactly what I've been waiting for"... I decided that what I wanted was a guy to be real with me. To not think of me as this special girl to be put on a pedestal [because I kept falling every time I was placed there]. I didn't want anymore cutesy "baby" crap after every sentence uttered to me. No, I wanted to be seen as an equal.
Well ladies & gentlemen, I have finally gotten my wish!
The downside to my wish that I didn't realize when I made it: All that cutesy crap helped me to identify that a guy was into me. Without it I have been struggling to know whether or not a guy is into me. It's not so clear when you are treated like an equal. Now it is all about him showing me, demonstrating to me that he cares. And since I see the good in people, I tend to believe he does these sorts of things for everyone in his life that he doesn't hate. What can I say, sometimes L.G. is a complicated woman!
I'm not saying that cutesy stuff isn't uttered...but it isn't the constant bombardment of those words anymore. Which in my head [somehow] translates now to: << He only likes me sometimes.>>
Although it has caused more complications...more speculation, I think I might be on the right track. As we all know, actions speak louder than words. Often times words are simply the thing we say to get what we want. Actions are what we do to prove, to explain, to declare our true feelings.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Right Where I am Meant to Be
And when you slammed the front door shut, a lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see that you never were the best for me ~Daughtry
I have now become a true believer in "everything happens for a reason." Why you ask? Because finally, when the front door was slammed shut in my face, I ended up right where I know I am meant to be.
If I had gotten married this past October, I would not be student teaching now. I wouldn't have this calm happiness that spills out of my pores.
Am I stressed? A little. Am I busy? Most certainly. But do I feel nervous, do I feel out of place, or do I feel uneasy? Negative. Not one bit.
I feel like I am doing exactly what I was put here in this world to do. I am so happy. I am confident (most moments of the day, anyway). And I wouldn't be in this place if that door wasn't slammed in my face. Other doors have opened up for me, the doors that are directing me to where I am supposed to be and to the woman I am meant to be.
Even though it is what I wanted, it's not what was best for me. I am definitely seeing that now, thankfully.
So did my eyes so I could see that you never were the best for me ~Daughtry
I have now become a true believer in "everything happens for a reason." Why you ask? Because finally, when the front door was slammed shut in my face, I ended up right where I know I am meant to be.
If I had gotten married this past October, I would not be student teaching now. I wouldn't have this calm happiness that spills out of my pores.
Am I stressed? A little. Am I busy? Most certainly. But do I feel nervous, do I feel out of place, or do I feel uneasy? Negative. Not one bit.
I feel like I am doing exactly what I was put here in this world to do. I am so happy. I am confident (most moments of the day, anyway). And I wouldn't be in this place if that door wasn't slammed in my face. Other doors have opened up for me, the doors that are directing me to where I am supposed to be and to the woman I am meant to be.
Even though it is what I wanted, it's not what was best for me. I am definitely seeing that now, thankfully.
I Got Over You
Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left, just left me cold and out of breath
I felt if I was in way to deep, guess I let you get the best of me
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you ~Daughtry
If you have been reading along for the last few months you know that I went through a terrible, messy, and emotional breakup with Maj this September. I was a mess, I'm not going to lie. I felt like I never was going to be able to feel happy or whole again. I felt like everything I had dreamt of, longed for, would always be out of reach.
However, I was able to heal. I feel whole again. I actually think I feel more whole now that I ever did when Maj and I were together. I am not sad. I don't miss him. I don't worry about what's happening in the world constantly. I feel like I can do whatever I want. I can make myself happy, without consulting a soul.
Part of my healing process was certainly the many road trips I took this fall. Partly it was the concerts I went to and sung my heart out at. Part of it was putting my heart into school and learning all I could about how to create effective learning experiences for students. I wanted nothing more than to feel needed by a student. Part of it was spending countless hours with my best friends, laughing, crying, griping about men, and sharing my experiences with them. Part of it was trying to date again so that I didn't end up hating men.
But there was one night, one night I thought I would never get through. One night where I could not shake the lonely feeling that brewed inside of me, despite being surrounded by people all night long.
And that is when I called LT. It was 2am and I have no idea what possessed me to choose him out of all the guy friends I have, but I did. After talking to him on the phone until about 7am, I finally felt happy. The night I thought I'd never get through, I did with LT's help. However, LT has no idea that the night I called him was the night I thought I'd never get through. He could tell I was upset about something and when I told him I didn't want to talk about it, he was all right with it. He didn't pressure me to open up about it.
Then next morning, I felt so much better. I don't know what kind of salve LT put on my wounded heart, but it felt so much better. In the following few days I came to the revelation that it was over. That I was over Maj. I didn't talk about him, I didn't think about him, I didn't care about him. I had had my experience with him, wished perhaps I had used a little better judgment when it came to our whole relationship, but it was over and I was over the saddness and the emotional baggage.
To build me up and tear me down like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left, just left me cold and out of breath
I felt if I was in way to deep, guess I let you get the best of me
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you ~Daughtry
If you have been reading along for the last few months you know that I went through a terrible, messy, and emotional breakup with Maj this September. I was a mess, I'm not going to lie. I felt like I never was going to be able to feel happy or whole again. I felt like everything I had dreamt of, longed for, would always be out of reach.
However, I was able to heal. I feel whole again. I actually think I feel more whole now that I ever did when Maj and I were together. I am not sad. I don't miss him. I don't worry about what's happening in the world constantly. I feel like I can do whatever I want. I can make myself happy, without consulting a soul.
Part of my healing process was certainly the many road trips I took this fall. Partly it was the concerts I went to and sung my heart out at. Part of it was putting my heart into school and learning all I could about how to create effective learning experiences for students. I wanted nothing more than to feel needed by a student. Part of it was spending countless hours with my best friends, laughing, crying, griping about men, and sharing my experiences with them. Part of it was trying to date again so that I didn't end up hating men.
But there was one night, one night I thought I would never get through. One night where I could not shake the lonely feeling that brewed inside of me, despite being surrounded by people all night long.
And that is when I called LT. It was 2am and I have no idea what possessed me to choose him out of all the guy friends I have, but I did. After talking to him on the phone until about 7am, I finally felt happy. The night I thought I'd never get through, I did with LT's help. However, LT has no idea that the night I called him was the night I thought I'd never get through. He could tell I was upset about something and when I told him I didn't want to talk about it, he was all right with it. He didn't pressure me to open up about it.
Then next morning, I felt so much better. I don't know what kind of salve LT put on my wounded heart, but it felt so much better. In the following few days I came to the revelation that it was over. That I was over Maj. I didn't talk about him, I didn't think about him, I didn't care about him. I had had my experience with him, wished perhaps I had used a little better judgment when it came to our whole relationship, but it was over and I was over the saddness and the emotional baggage.
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