Upcoming Nuptuals

My very favorite and dearest cousin is getting married! She and her fiance Ben got engaged in April and now the planning has begun!


 My cousin is about 7 months older than me so I was, at first, a little hesitant when she told me that Ben popped the question.  I was worried that in the midst of her "growing up" she and I would grow apart-- we've only started to grow closer as we've gotten older, seen each other more often (we lived 15 hours apart when we were younger), and I was really enjoying our friendship [especially since I was making plans to move south and would ultimately be much closer - distance wise- than we had been our entire lives]. 


Apparently she was a little concerned as well. Not so much that we might grow apart as she moved to a new and exciting stage in her life, but that she was talking about the wedding/marriage stuff too much.  Now, I am known to be cynical about weddings, love, marriage, and related jazz.  However, as I explained to my cousin, with her it was different.  I felt included in the journey to her new life, which is why I think I was so happy for her. I was reassured that I wasn't getting left behind. She asked me to be in the bridal party, she bounced ideas off of me about stuff for the wedding (which I loved to indulge in), she explained that I would be invited to many dinner parties at her new place with the hubby, and that she would try to find me a nice Southern gentleman from Atlanta.  


Yes, she was getting married, but her relationships [at least as far as I was concerned] were not going to change drastically. 


Since I felt included in her new life, I was welcoming when she wanted to talk about it. I know she is excited about the wedding; I understand that she is a little stressed about budgeting for the wedding; and I understand that she is nervous about getting married. She loves Ben very much and she doesn't want to end up divorced,  like her parents and our grandmother.  Who can blame her? I don't believe any of us want that and we all hope that that day never follows the "I dos."  


So this bridesmaid is not unwelcoming of wedding talk, shop, and activities. At this moment in time, at least for my cousin's wedding, L.G. is pro-marriage. 


Plus, my bridesmaid dress is hot. And I won't even need to shorten it in order to wear it again! ;-) [27 Dresses, anyone?!?]

#1

Sometimes I wonder if I am too selfless. If I have been beaten down so much during the times when I was selfish, that I ceased to be that way, and am from now on too selfless when it comes to dating.  So my question tonight...when dating, do I, the woman, have to be #1 in her man's life?

Is it essential to be the most important thing in a man's life? Do I have to be the #1 priority, every day, all day, from day one in order to feel as though I matter to him?

Life is made up of so many more things than that one relationship you have with a significant other. There are jobs, school, family obligations, bills, personal goals/dreams, fears...just LIFE. So out of all those things that make up a person's life...if we are together, do I have to be #1?

Some of my friends would argue, yes. You need to be #1 in a relationship with a man, from the very beginning. If you aren't #1, and he doesn't treat you like it, than you should move on and find someone who will.

But...I argue this. Actually my brain and heart have been duking it out all day, mulling over this question. 

My mother and father have been married for over 25 years. My parents are not the lovey-dovey couples you see on TV. They fight, they get mad at each other, but they talk to one another. My parents respect each other. They care about one another. But they are not a perfect couple either. However, they are my example of a mostly-good relationship. 

My mother is not #1. She was definitely not #1 when my dad was farming when my parents first got married. The farm was #1.  There are moments when my mother is #1. My dad will change the floor in the kitchen to the design she wants. He will pick her flowers and bring them in the house for her. He will fix her car for her.

So does being #1, the most important and focal point of a man's life, really need be my #1 priority when assessing my relationship? Am I naive when I am understanding about a man's prior commitments and more important priorities?

Or am I just too selfless? Do I not give my self enough credit? Do I project the image of a woman lacking self worth if I let a man prioritize other things in his life over me?

Is it ok, not to be #1 24/7?

Goal #2

2. Make a palpable difference in a student's life. [off my Before I'm 30 blog list]

While I have yet to establish my teaching career, I am certain that there were a few students that I actually was able to make a difference in their life. 

During my second placement (perhaps my first placement had been a huge rough draft when it came to connecting with students), I know I made a difference. I know that the 7th graders in my class really liked me (maybe not 100%, but I'd say 95% without a doubt!).

One of my students told me about how upset she had been the last few weeks because her sister, a person she considered to be one of her best friends, had moved out of the house. She hadn't spoken to her sister in weeks and had found, via Facebook that her sister was in a new relationship and apparently doing well for her self.  She was devastated.  She told me she had a stomach ache every day because she was so upset over the loss of her sister's companionship and feared she'd never come home and that their relationship would never be like it was before. 

One of my male students took to me instantly.  He had been having some trouble in school, academically, but appeared to be starting to flourish just as I arrived.  While he didn't go from a 70 to a 90, he did however come to class every morning with a happy demeanor, as though he was just happy with himself and how he was doing.  Other teachers could tell he definitely took to me and was interested in class now that I was there.

There were other instances that I could reminisce about, demonstrating that I achieved Goal #2 of my 24th year, but the one that speaks volumes was a letter I received from one female student on my last day.  It read:

"You are awesome. Now I actually care about Social Studies! You teach in a special way that really lets me understand. You aren't too strict, or too laid back. You are as close to perfect as any student teacher I have ever had the pleasure to meet. THANK YOU!" :)

I think that's palpable.

My Grandfather's Lesson

A month ago, my grandfather died. He was one of my most favorite persons in my life.  There are very few times in my life that I ever remember him being mad at me. My grandfather adored me; and I adored him back.  He was very proud of me, always bragging about my going to college down in "Alleghenia" as he called it.

I admired him: my Papa had been born in Italy during the Great Depression, he had been in the Italian army before WWII broke out, and then was forced to continue serving during the war.  He left Italy, seeing it as a place where there were limited opportunities.  After receiving a letter from relatives in Canada, he traveled by boat from Naples to Hailifax, Nova Scotia, with, as he told me, $10 in his pocket.  Most of that money was gone by the time he paid for train passage and food to Niagara Falls, Ontario.  He worked at the Gerber Baby Food factory and met my grandmother at a dance.  In 1960 he, my grandmother, mother, and uncle moved to the states and took up residence in Niagara Falls, New York.  He and my grandmother traveled- to California, to Atlantic City, to my great-uncle's cottage up on Lake George.  At 65, 6 months after I was born, he retired from the Brick Layer's Union and with my grandmother took care of me most days while my mother was at work. 

He liked to give me phases of advice, such as: "You gotta marry the President's son" and "You gotta go to college, you can't wash the dishes."  Quite the forward feminist thinker, yet conservative mindset my grandfather had there.  He told me some stories about growing up in Italy and some about the war- never the ones I asked about, however.  The war stories were minimal and usually full of jokes.  As though it was a time he had blocked out of his memory.  I however, I wanted to know as much as I could. I wanted to know in what battles my grandfather had been engaged in.  Yet, I never will know the answer to those questions now. 

He told me of loss. The loss of his cousin/best friend during the war.  When I came to him with a broken heart over a boy, he made it seem like he understood- always telling me that there is someone better out there. Many other boys.  That it would happen for me.  [I just wish he could have seen it come true.]

So many conversations; so many afternoons spent in the summer sun or in the front room;  Chauffering him to Canada to see his sister; Getting him something to drink; Hearing him call me "dollie."

I learned so much from him. I didn't think I was like him at all (except for maybe my temper at times), but as he was lying in the hospital this past March, barely saying a word, I realized that I was very much like him. 

I saw that there was nothing for me where I had grown up.  Yes, Western New York was a great place to live; just like Rome had been for him, but there wasn't anything there for me.  The only thing that was keeping me there was my family and I was an adult now and needed to make my own way.  A different way. 

While his leaving and journey were probably more leaps of faith than mine were, the reason behind the leap was the same: the chance at a better life for myself and my future.  I like to imagine the life I'm forging here in Georgia will be the place where I meet my future husband and have my children...I wonder if my grandfather thought the same way about being in Canada.

And hopefully, just like my grandfather, the leap of faith, the chance I am taking so far away from home will bring me a greater and more grander life than I could only dream of when I was living in Western New York. 

One Year Later

They always say, you never know what can happen. You never know where your life will take you.  This year/ the past 2 years, those sentiments are ringing true.

June 1, 2010- I was a week into taking my first semester of classes for my Master of Science in Secondary Education.  I was going to be a teacher. Or at least...that was the plan.  I was still a little unsure that this was what I wanted to do.  I wasn't sure I would be a good teacher.

June 1, 2010- I was back to living with my family as I attended grad school.

June 1, 2010- Maj and I were dating. I was on the cusp of deciding that I didn't want to move down to North Carolina to be with him in September. This is where the hardcore fighting began. 

** One Year Later**

I feel like, if this were a movie, there would be this great instrumental number in the background. The scene would fade to black with the writing, centered at the bottom of the screen, telling the audience that a year has passed since those aforementioned scenes occurred.  Sending the subliminal message that much has changed in the main character's path.

June 1, 2011- 11 days ago I graduated from the Masters program.  Today, I received notification from the state that my application for Teacher Certification has been accepted.  I am legally certified to be a professional teacher.  I can now get paid to do what I thoroughly enjoy! (Just have to find that job!)

June 1, 2011- 10 days ago I moved from my parent's house to an apartment in Georgia.  If you've read any of my blog posts from last fall you might notice that I fell in love with this place back in late September- early October when I came to see a Luke Bryan concert and visit with my cousin.  I knew then that this was where I wanted to start the next phase in my life.  So here I am! Trying to start that next phase!! Trying to shape my dreams into reality!

June 1, 2011- Maj and the drama is a distant memory. I feel like a completely different woman- mostly because I am.  I won't settle. I won't let someone put down my dreams and goals. I don't want someone who just wants me to be with them and not strive for my own personal satisfactions in life.  The girl I was back in June 2010 has left the room.  She has grown up. She knows what she wants. She is doing the best she can at getting it and she only wants people in her life who are supportive and loving.

So what has the main character learned from all this, besides, "a lot can happen in a year?" A lot can happen in a year only if you listen to your heart, go with your gut, and JUMP. Life is about taking chances.  Life can't change in a year if chances aren't taken. 

Regular Joe

"Regular Joe," by Ashton Shepherd is one of my favorite songs.  In the last few months I have been dating a man who fits the description of Ashton's "Regular Joe." He is a very good man.  He is honest with me; more importantly he seems to be honest with himself & know himself.  He is fun, educated, interesting, driven, and quite caring.

I met Joe about two years ago, but it wasn't until this past December that I started to see what he had to offer. He is all those things I have dreamed of and wanted to find in a man.  You know the man you dream up as Mr. Right? Well maybe he isn't exactly Mr. Right, but Joe has certainly checked off many of the boxes I always wanted to be filled, but never were with any of the other guys I dated. 

I have finally begun to see what real happiness might be with another person. Our time together is limited but when we are together I experience this calm happiness. My mind quiets, I laugh even more than I normally do, and I feel myself growing as a person.  It just feels "right." It feels good.

I feel very comfortable around him. While I still try to impress him by getting dolled up, etc. to me, being with Joe is like slipping on my Allegheny College sweatpants after being in a pencil skirt all day at work.  I can get around him and just slip into my "real" self. 

I don't know if Joe and I will ever officially be a couple.  There are many reasons for that. But what Joe has given me is some assurance.  There is another person out there who can check off most of the boxes I have for "Mr. Right." There is a person out there, besides my best friends, who I can be myself with, while I still try to impress him a little.  Joe knows the "real me" and luckily he hasn't run for the hills yet. 

http://youtu.be/go-VeP4A2m8 Check out "Regular Joe"

Look at These Photographs

As I look at the photographs that I shoved in my closet back in September, I do not feel anything. In fact, I don't recognize that girl or that boy who stood there smiling together.  I know that one point my heart overflowed with love for him. But now, I can't even call up a small amount of that feeling.  Or even a feeling of missing him.

When I drove to Georgia two weeks ago, I realized I have transformed so much of myself in the last several months. It started back last May and it has continued. The woman I am today is not the same girl I was last May, or June, or even September.  So much loss, commotion, and grief has been felt by my heart in the last year. On account of that, when I look at those photographs of Maj and I, don't recognize him and I seriously don't recognize myself. I feel like I am looking at pictures of myself from high school; that's how changed I feel I have become in the last year.