#1

Sometimes I wonder if I am too selfless. If I have been beaten down so much during the times when I was selfish, that I ceased to be that way, and am from now on too selfless when it comes to dating.  So my question tonight...when dating, do I, the woman, have to be #1 in her man's life?

Is it essential to be the most important thing in a man's life? Do I have to be the #1 priority, every day, all day, from day one in order to feel as though I matter to him?

Life is made up of so many more things than that one relationship you have with a significant other. There are jobs, school, family obligations, bills, personal goals/dreams, fears...just LIFE. So out of all those things that make up a person's life...if we are together, do I have to be #1?

Some of my friends would argue, yes. You need to be #1 in a relationship with a man, from the very beginning. If you aren't #1, and he doesn't treat you like it, than you should move on and find someone who will.

But...I argue this. Actually my brain and heart have been duking it out all day, mulling over this question. 

My mother and father have been married for over 25 years. My parents are not the lovey-dovey couples you see on TV. They fight, they get mad at each other, but they talk to one another. My parents respect each other. They care about one another. But they are not a perfect couple either. However, they are my example of a mostly-good relationship. 

My mother is not #1. She was definitely not #1 when my dad was farming when my parents first got married. The farm was #1.  There are moments when my mother is #1. My dad will change the floor in the kitchen to the design she wants. He will pick her flowers and bring them in the house for her. He will fix her car for her.

So does being #1, the most important and focal point of a man's life, really need be my #1 priority when assessing my relationship? Am I naive when I am understanding about a man's prior commitments and more important priorities?

Or am I just too selfless? Do I not give my self enough credit? Do I project the image of a woman lacking self worth if I let a man prioritize other things in his life over me?

Is it ok, not to be #1 24/7?