Diamond Ring

About a month ago I had Chinese food and received a fortune cookie that read : You will soon gain something that you have always wanted.  A few days later I was engaged. I thought ecstatically, maybe fortune cookies are (somewhat) true! 

From the moment that ring was slipped on my finger, I felt amazing. I felt so lucky, special, beautiful, wonderful, and above all loved.  I thought that everything was going to be better from now on, because I had this pretty little token on my left hand.

It was a beautiful ring. I never would have picked it out myself, but it was classic and timeless. I simply fell in love with it. It sparkled in the sun the way my pond does on a very sunny day.  It was bright and light, and made me feel like the happiest girl in the world. 

However, after arguing on the phone and being made to feel like I was a silly child, I started to see the ring in a different light. It felt like it was my reward for listening and following direction.  Did I really want to do that? Was I really willing to give up my thoughts and opinions for a ring?  Did I really want to become a Mrs. after I had so long defended my want of keeping my last name? Is this really wanted?

The answer, truthfully was no.  However, I didn't realize it at the time.

Yet, I did not break off the engagement. Instead, I trudged along, planning a wedding for October; buying flowers, talking to a caterer, planning to move to North Carolina.  Maj called it off in true Maj (or is it man) fashion. 

I took my pretty ring off and placed it in the box on my vanity.  And there it sat, for nearly 3 weeks.  I refused to really notice it's presence among my other jewelry boxes.  I didn't want to think about it. I had many other things that were making my emotions feel mangled, that the ring was the last thing on my mind.

I spoke with Maj, who expressed the sentiment that he felt as thought he would never receive the rings back from me so that he could return them to the jewelers in North Carolina.  Grudgingly, I made the effort to look at the box. Then, to open the box. Next, to look at my ring one last time. 

I pulled it out and slipped it on my finger.  It had lost it. The spark, the beauty, the splendor of emotion that I had felt only 3 weeks previous had vanished from the rock.  It looked dull and lifeless. Dead. Was this the same ring, I wondered. 

It was then that I knew, I had to send it back to him. No sense paying for a ring that neither of us wanted. No sense holding on to the thought of a life that neither of us really wanted either.  Yes, we had dreamed and hoped about being married, but when reality struck, when the fantasy was gone, it was true that neither one of us wanted that life together. 

So I mailed the once beautiful and whole ring back to his North Carolina P.O Box.  I bawled my eyes out the entire way to the post office.  I believe it was the shattering reality of lost dreams and lost love that led me to cry those tears.  Or perhaps it was the loss of Maj in my life forever.  The sweeping him into my past.