Lesson Learned

When we break up with someone, women are typically the ones who ask, "What did you learn? How did you grow?"


My answer is always: "I didn't learn anything."


This might only be partially true; I don't fully acknowledge that I have "learned" something from a failed relationship.  But the question I like to ask is: "Why do I have to learn something?"


Why is it that women search for meaning in failed relationships? Is it because we hope that if we learn something that we won't date another wrong man? Or that we will magically grow more as women because we have found a deeper, more meaningful lesson in heartbreak than love could ever give us in a lifetime?


I have to come to believe that if we women state that we have learned this or that than we justify spending time with that person. If we have learned something through our heartache than we have grown as women and ultimately into a better person who more deeply understands human nature.  Perhaps if we learned something we won't repeat the same mistake again.  


Even if you "learn something," why must you admit it? Why must you point out that you had to go through this relationship's failing in order to better understand something about yourself, how you act in relationships, etc.?  Or could you have learned that something on your own or without the relationship crumbling to bits?


Mostly, what I have learned from my failed relationship is how to be insecure. Every time I break up with a man he tells me how I screwed it up, or how I wasn't good enough, or what I did wrong.   While I'm already aware that I am not a perfect individual, having my flaws constantly pointed out to me as I exit a relationship does nothing to aide my confidence.  Which is why I remain insecure about my shortcomings to this day.  


This time around, however, I am trying not to listen to what he said to me on that day that I walked away. What I am trying to do instead is evaluate and analyze from my perspective, taking bits and pieces of his, to conclude what sort of "lesson" I might take away from this F relationship.  Moreover, I am trying to figure out how I might fix those shortcomings myself.    How can I be less insecure?  How can I demonstrate that I care without coming off as needy? How can I be less impatient? 


I let you know when I've learned my lesson and when I come up with answers to create a healthy and successful relationship.