18 Year Old Girls

As we get older, women are told, "the younger version of ourselves are coming. Coming to take our jobs. Coming to take our husbands."  I always thought that it was something that was said on Sex and the City.  I didn't believe this really happened in real life. 


Until it did. Until I was replaced by a newly graduated high school senior.  


I was amazed. Enraged. Upset. Confused. Baffled. Taken Aback.  Hurt. 


I couldn't understand how this little girl with limited life experience had gone in and swooped up this guy who I thought was a man who valued experience and knowledge in the women he was dating.  A guy who has had his fair share of experiences.  What the hell could they possibly have in common? What the hell could they talk about?


What I think hurt the most is that he never was forthcoming about it all. I had to find out from someone else. I had to find out that I was being phased out.  Because he wasn't man enough, or mature enough to tell me himself, even though he was given multiple opportunities.  


Then again, maybe in this instance it isn't the 18 year old girls who are the enemy.  Maybe it's the guys we are dating. They are the enemy because they choose to be immature. They choose to play with our feelings. They choose to act like they are 18 year boys who don't know any better and don't care to.  Maybe the enemy isn't the little girl who thinks she is charming with her stupidity; maybe it's really the guy who choosing her young stupidity over a woman who has a clue and knows her worth.  


I knew my worth. I knew I was exhausted of the dating game we were playing and even if that 18 year old hadn't stumbled in, I was throwing in the towel if he wasn't going to make our relationship official.  


She just gave me a better out. She gave me a better reason to see the guy for who he really was (or was trying to be again) and I was able to walk away without feeling like I had made a rash decision to end things.  


Maybe 18 year old girls are good for something. 


Maybe they are like these big road block signs, with the flashing lights that line highways during the summer. Maybe the 18 year old girls who come in and swoop up the men we are dating show us that we aren't with someone who is serious, committed, or interested in true worth and value.  Those 18 year old girls show us what we've really been dealing with all along and what has been hidden beneath an experienced facade of a boy posing as a man.  

My Version of Happy

I am guilty of being jealous. Honestly, I am typically jealous of something or someone at least once every single day. Sometimes it is another girl, sometimes it's someone's past, sometimes it's someone's new opportunity that I love love to have.  As much as I try to not be jealous, to think about the good things in my own life, I struggle.

However, today, as I was rearranging things in my room at my parents' house I stumbled upon perhaps the truth and core of my jealousy.  I'm jealous of how another person's life LOOKS...but do I realize how my own looks?

It's tough to look at your own life objectively; to stare at it through another person's eyes because you are so personally connected to the innermost workings in your own life.

Just because I don't have what someone else has, is that bad? Does it mean my own life is not worthy or celebration, joy, or praise?

As I stand on the cusp of my quarter-life crisis, I wonder...do I really need those things that I am jealous of? Do I need those things to be happy?  Other women might, but do I?

Would an engagement make me happy? Would buying a house make me happy? Would having my dream job make me happy? Would having that new Jeep Wrangler delight me [probably]?

I am certain that at some point in my life those things will come into my life to make me happy. They will arrive just when they need to.  But for right now, I don't need them.

What do I need? I need excitement, craziness, new experiences that differ from my friends/family, adventure, a stirring of new emotions, and a chance to do something I NEVER dreamed of doing up until a few months ago.  That's what I need right now to make me happy...and guess what?


I have those things. 

It Has To Be Great

This afternoon I attended my cousin Saucy's bridal shower up in Duluth.  It was a fun, new experience for me. None of my close friends have gotten engaged yet, so Saucy is the first of my wedding experiences as a grown woman.

While at the shower I was introduced to her future mother-in-law. She was a wonderful woman who was so nice to me instantly when I explained to her that I was in the Air Force.  She apparently has a very close friend who is a commander at one of the bases in Iowa. Anyways, apparently I came across to this Southern woman as a "lovely" girl [see Yankees do have charm!].

After the opening of the presents and posing for photographs, my Aunt J asked me what I thought about all the wedding hoopla and chaos- insinuating if I would one day like it too.  I replied that it seemed fun, and that yes, maybe one day; but first I actually need the man!  Well Saucy's future MIL overheard and was shocked that I didn't have a boyfriend.  "You're really not dating anyone? You're darling." Nope. Single Gal.

She then turned to me and said, "The best piece of advice I ever received from my mother was: 'if you're dating and it's not great...then it's never going to be great.'"  The future MIL continued: "Think about it. You want it to be great during the initial dating stages because eventually you will become more comfortable with one another, and you'll relax on the way you interact together.  But if it's not something you are enjoying or happy with from the beginning, it is never going to get any better the longer you are together."

Such a simple word of advice: "It has to be great in the beginning. If it's not, then get out."

Why had I never heard that before? It seems to me that in today's world, women are told that if a man acts like this, or like that, then you should take one course of action or another [He's Just Not That Into You, for instance].  But this was different. This wasn't a woman looking for signs or action, instead this came from the woman herself.

It translates to: If you don't feel like you are getting love and affection that satisfies your needs early on, honey it ain't never gonna happen.  So dump the fool. You need to make yourself happy by having a relationship you think is great from the start.


So ladies, please take note. I know I did. I thought about it all the way on the drive home.  Is your relationship at the beginning stages? Are you happy? Are your love/affection needs being met? That's the great thing about this piece of advice: it depends on you. You are the key. You are the person evaluating your own needs and assessing whether or not they are being met.  Empowering to say the least.

My Mr. Right

I'm in love with Luke Bryan.  If you've read previous blog entries or know me personally you already know this undeniable fact about me.  Whenever I get out of a relationship I fall back on him, and he catches me every time.  To me, he is the ideal man; my perfect mate; my Mr. Right.

Now, I realize I do not personally know Luke Bryan, but the "Luke Bryan" that I do know, I am madly in love with as he personifies the attributes I would like to find in a man.

"Luke" grew up on his family peanut farm in Leesburg, Georgia.  I love Georgia and Leesburg is very country.  He has wanted to be a singer since he was young and planned to go to Nashville after high school graduation.  However, his brother unexpectedly passed away and he changed his plans to stay near his family.  Instead, he enrolled at Georgia Southern and became a brother of Sigma Chi.  Afterwards he went back to his family's farm and helped out.  Eventually he chose to pursue his dream of music and moved to Nashville. He worked for nearly 10 years trying to achieve his dream of a record label and hit songs.  But he didn't give up. He kept chasing his dream, even though it didn't happen over night [which is crazy. Why wouldn't you sign a voice like his?!] Personally, I hope to have the same story in a few years. Go from being the farmer's daughter to having a successful career in a big city.  He is also into fishing, camping, and all those outdoorsy-country man activities.  His songs, tell me a lot about him too.  He has many party songs- songs about drinking beer and having a great time.  He has songs about falling in love; so he has a sweet side to him.  He has songs about family and where he grew up.  He has break up songs; so he has been hurt before too.  He isn't defined by one emotion or one attitude. He has many different and exciting facets of his personality.

Yes, I sound crazy. And I promise I am well aware that he is married and completely unattainable. However, a Single Gal needs some comfort in her life. Someone to rely on when the depths of loneliness haunt her nights.  That's where "Luke" comes in. Not only can I go to his music and listen as he comforts me, but he also helps me think that there is a guy out there for me...somewhere. And right now my goal is to figure out the check list I need to help me find My Mr. Right.

Cold Hard Fact

There comes a point in every woman's life where she comes to accept some very real and true cold hard facts about herself.  This morning, I accepted one very cold hard fact about myself: I am no longer in college and therefore can no longer drink like I am in college.


Yes, I am a woman. I am no longer that cute 22 year old Senior who can go out Wednesday night for $1 Long Islands, Thursday night for 25cent drafts, and dance on the speakers on Friday and Saturday night at Sportsgarden.  Nope, it's official. I am old and I have to learn to drink as though I am old.


Last night I went out with a sister from college and one of her co-workers.  We talked the big game about how we three Yankees were going to spend our first big night out in Atlanta looking to charm a new Southern gentlemen.  We were just going to be ourselves; what Southern man couldn't resist our blunt Northern "charm?"


Needlesstosay there were very few gentlemen who were charmed by our Yankee-ness. Or perhaps the mixing of beer, liquor, and jello shots created a night that I can not fully recall. Regardless of the male company we kept or lacked, last night was a very fun night with two women who I am glad live near me in the South.  Us Yankees need to stick together sometimes and I stumbled upon a very fun night.  


So cold hard facts.  When you're nearing 25, it's all right that you can no longer mix your alcohol like you are 21.  And it's also right to go out and just be you...even if at the end of the night you're going home with your girlfriends. 

Deciding to be a Single Gal

After much deliberation…err... actually, more like  recently some mild heartbreak, I have   rethought the possibility of remaining single…for the rest of my life.  Why would I want to do that, you ask? What would be the benefit to doing such a thing? Don't you want to get married, have someone by your side, and children?  

Of course, I want all those things. I dream of having a man who truly cares about me, who tries to take care of me, while I try my best to care for him.  I would like a family, children, and that caring man to grow old with. You know, someone to nag me about taking my pills and someone who will be there to call the hospital after I keel over. 

But guy after guy, I wonder if that if I took the approach "I'm going to be a Single Gal forever" that I might fair better in this game called love.  Perhaps if I ONLY focus on me, perhaps if I not concerned about screwing up potential relationships, then Mr. Right could come walking through the door.

Maybe if Im not looking or thinking about him than maybe he will be drawn to me.  

So I've decided. L.G. is going to be single from now on. I'm speaking with Samantha Jones right now to complete my "Never Getting Married" file.  

And then, if I don't ever get married, if my happily ever after is a solo show, then I'll be content with that fact. I wont be harboring the desire for something else. I wont be looking for something else or someone else to make me feel like I'm a complete adult.  Then maybe I'll be happy being alone. 

After all, as Charlotte asked, "Would it really be such a terrible thing [to be single for the rest of my life]?"

I certainly like myself more than I have ever loved a man, so maybe I'll just be content on being that forever Single Gal who works on herself, who creates a better world for more than just one person, or a few children.  Maybe by being a Single Gal I can truly do something that is worth being remembered for.  Maybe by being single I can bring more hope to my students. Maybe I can further my education without feeling guilty. Maybe I can teach in Italy for a semester like I've always dreamed of. Maybe I can go to Officer School and get deployed without feeling bad about leaving my significant other.  Maybe by being a single gal I can do me and in the process become much better than if I had ever been attached to a man in the first place….

Lesson Learned

When we break up with someone, women are typically the ones who ask, "What did you learn? How did you grow?"


My answer is always: "I didn't learn anything."


This might only be partially true; I don't fully acknowledge that I have "learned" something from a failed relationship.  But the question I like to ask is: "Why do I have to learn something?"


Why is it that women search for meaning in failed relationships? Is it because we hope that if we learn something that we won't date another wrong man? Or that we will magically grow more as women because we have found a deeper, more meaningful lesson in heartbreak than love could ever give us in a lifetime?


I have to come to believe that if we women state that we have learned this or that than we justify spending time with that person. If we have learned something through our heartache than we have grown as women and ultimately into a better person who more deeply understands human nature.  Perhaps if we learned something we won't repeat the same mistake again.  


Even if you "learn something," why must you admit it? Why must you point out that you had to go through this relationship's failing in order to better understand something about yourself, how you act in relationships, etc.?  Or could you have learned that something on your own or without the relationship crumbling to bits?


Mostly, what I have learned from my failed relationship is how to be insecure. Every time I break up with a man he tells me how I screwed it up, or how I wasn't good enough, or what I did wrong.   While I'm already aware that I am not a perfect individual, having my flaws constantly pointed out to me as I exit a relationship does nothing to aide my confidence.  Which is why I remain insecure about my shortcomings to this day.  


This time around, however, I am trying not to listen to what he said to me on that day that I walked away. What I am trying to do instead is evaluate and analyze from my perspective, taking bits and pieces of his, to conclude what sort of "lesson" I might take away from this F relationship.  Moreover, I am trying to figure out how I might fix those shortcomings myself.    How can I be less insecure?  How can I demonstrate that I care without coming off as needy? How can I be less impatient? 


I let you know when I've learned my lesson and when I come up with answers to create a healthy and successful relationship.