I turn 24 in a few days. New Years Eve to be exact. So since I'll be turning one year shy of my mid-life crisis, I feel like I should have some amazing before I turn 25. I don't know if they are amazing but these are my goals for my birthday.
1. Rock my student teaching semester. Conquer it. Learn. Become a better teacher.
2. Make a palpable difference in a student's life. [off my Before I'm 30 blog list]
3. Spoil my nephew and little cousins. [off my Before I'm 30 blog list]
4. Take way too many pictures. [off my Before I'm 30 blog list]
5. Reseach. [off my Before I'm 30 blog list]
6. Finish my novel that I just started to really work on.
7. Apply! Apply! Apply! for teaching jobs & land one! :-)
8. Try to be less needy. [Although I am the world's most affectionate creature, akin to a golden retriever or a barnacle]
9. Take more me time to devote to things I love, like reading and my other guilty pleasures.
10. Treat my mom to something really fabulous. [Not sure what yet, but something awesome. She deserves it.]
11. Cook/bake at least 10 new recipes that I have in my recipe scrapbook.
12. Do at least one random act of kindness each week. Shoot for day, but at the minimum it should be week.
13. Try to let my friends talk to me about their issues. Don't always feel like I need to dominate the conversation with my concerns.
14. Become a better listener. Stop interrupting people when they are speaking.
15. Gain a more professional demeanor.
16. Read at least 5 new historical works. Read at least 5 chick lit/books-for-me.
17. Try 24 new beers, rather than the old standbys.
18. Keep my room organized. Consistently.
19. Reduce spending money for beverages and shakes at coffee shops or the gym to once a month. This will be a treat only!
20. Keep my car cleaner. Inside and outside.
21. Gain more confidence in myself in every aspect of my life. It couldn't hurt.
22. See Luke, Lady A, and Dierks in concert.
23. Trust my gut.
24. Bring my 1.5mile time down from 13:30 to 12:00.
In Teacher College we're told that if a student verbalizes their goals to at least one person they are more likely to accomplish these goals. Here I am, verbalizing my goals to my readers. Better hold me accountable!
A 20-somethings' musings on life, friendships, relationships, love, and becoming a woman.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
5 Secrets
Apparently there are only 5 key things to making a man fall in love with you.
1. Share an activity
2. Cheer him on
3. Let him be himself
4. Tell him what you think
5. Give him his space
Now the full article can be found at: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=6057&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=722004
1. Cooking, going to the gym, hiking, etc. I've tried to do these things with previous boyfriends. They didn't want to do something new with me. I've asked. I've tried. They want me to cook for them. They don't want to be part of the process. They don't want to go to the gym with me, because that means they have to wait for me to finish with my cardio and weights. I've never been able to work towards a common goal with any of these guys I've been with.
2. Cheer him on? I used to go to almost every single game my ex boyfriend played. I encouraged Maj before he went to Soldier of the Month Board. I knew he could do it, and I told him so. I love telling the guys I'm dating what I think they look good in, because then they will wear it more [which is a good thing for me, right?].
3. I have never tried to change a man. In fact I told Maj's mother that I do not take on projects. I don't want to change you. I don't want you to change me. I want to accept you for who you are, and I want you to accept me for who I am [your typical, type A, organized, anal, personality, that likes to plan things days in advance].
4. You're not a mind reader. Neither am I. Got it. Please don't read my mind...its better that way!
5. Space. Ok, I got it. But at what point do you draw the line on space? This is the one I have the most issue with. I have had boyfriends who wanted to attach themselves at my hip and it drove me crazy. I had others where I wouldn't hear from them for days, which drove me crazy. How much space is space? How much space is signaling that "He's just not that into you?"
I really have no conclusion that I have been able to reach and share with you on this one. I am conflicted. It only take 5 things? Really?!?
If it only takes these 5 things to make him fall in love with you, then how many secrets are there to get him to notice you, date you, and become your boyfriend?
1. Share an activity
2. Cheer him on
3. Let him be himself
4. Tell him what you think
5. Give him his space
Now the full article can be found at: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=6057&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=722004
1. Cooking, going to the gym, hiking, etc. I've tried to do these things with previous boyfriends. They didn't want to do something new with me. I've asked. I've tried. They want me to cook for them. They don't want to be part of the process. They don't want to go to the gym with me, because that means they have to wait for me to finish with my cardio and weights. I've never been able to work towards a common goal with any of these guys I've been with.
2. Cheer him on? I used to go to almost every single game my ex boyfriend played. I encouraged Maj before he went to Soldier of the Month Board. I knew he could do it, and I told him so. I love telling the guys I'm dating what I think they look good in, because then they will wear it more [which is a good thing for me, right?].
3. I have never tried to change a man. In fact I told Maj's mother that I do not take on projects. I don't want to change you. I don't want you to change me. I want to accept you for who you are, and I want you to accept me for who I am [your typical, type A, organized, anal, personality, that likes to plan things days in advance].
4. You're not a mind reader. Neither am I. Got it. Please don't read my mind...its better that way!
5. Space. Ok, I got it. But at what point do you draw the line on space? This is the one I have the most issue with. I have had boyfriends who wanted to attach themselves at my hip and it drove me crazy. I had others where I wouldn't hear from them for days, which drove me crazy. How much space is space? How much space is signaling that "He's just not that into you?"
I really have no conclusion that I have been able to reach and share with you on this one. I am conflicted. It only take 5 things? Really?!?
If it only takes these 5 things to make him fall in love with you, then how many secrets are there to get him to notice you, date you, and become your boyfriend?
Labels:
Love,
Men,
Relationships
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wingman
I used to think I was strong enough to handle things on my own. I used to think I could deal with all my issues and emotions on my own. I didn't need to burden my friends with asking them for help. I never used to ask for help.
But this year I have learned and started to recognize how awesome it is when you have someone out there to watch your back.
One of the first examples of it, that I really noticed was during my littlest brother's wrestling tournament. Vic and Brian have been best friends since they were in first grade together. They play football and wrestle together for our high school. They take care of each other. If you've ever been to a wrestling tournament with a dozen different schools, with at least 4 mats for matches, you know how chaotic the atmosphere is. Yet through it all, Vic and Brian have each other's back. Vic will stand behind the coaches and watch Brian's matches. He will grab Brian's iPod, Gatorade, and shirt that he threw down before the match started and bring it to him. Brian does the same thing for him. It has always been like that between the two of them during wrestling season. They are the only two on the team that I see do this so diligently. They are attuned to each other's needs.
I experienced it for myself when I was at Basic Training. D'Aprile was my bunk mate and from the very first day we were starting to watch each other's backs. Honestly, at BMT two heads and eyes were better than one. You got your stuff together more efficiently. You got in trouble less because you and your stuff was squared away. This was most closely seen when our first locker inspection occurred and both of us received demerits for the same way we rolled our tan t-shirts. There was no way I was going to let her fall, and she wasn't going to let me.
I think it's important to have one person in your life that is your Wingman, battle buddy. Even though you don't use them all the time and for every crisis, you know that if you need them, they have your back. It's an inexplicable bond that you can't fully understand until it happens to you. In a way, I think they come into your life when you are in desperate need of them. And once they are in your life, they won't ever leave.
But this year I have learned and started to recognize how awesome it is when you have someone out there to watch your back.
One of the first examples of it, that I really noticed was during my littlest brother's wrestling tournament. Vic and Brian have been best friends since they were in first grade together. They play football and wrestle together for our high school. They take care of each other. If you've ever been to a wrestling tournament with a dozen different schools, with at least 4 mats for matches, you know how chaotic the atmosphere is. Yet through it all, Vic and Brian have each other's back. Vic will stand behind the coaches and watch Brian's matches. He will grab Brian's iPod, Gatorade, and shirt that he threw down before the match started and bring it to him. Brian does the same thing for him. It has always been like that between the two of them during wrestling season. They are the only two on the team that I see do this so diligently. They are attuned to each other's needs.
I experienced it for myself when I was at Basic Training. D'Aprile was my bunk mate and from the very first day we were starting to watch each other's backs. Honestly, at BMT two heads and eyes were better than one. You got your stuff together more efficiently. You got in trouble less because you and your stuff was squared away. This was most closely seen when our first locker inspection occurred and both of us received demerits for the same way we rolled our tan t-shirts. There was no way I was going to let her fall, and she wasn't going to let me.
I think it's important to have one person in your life that is your Wingman, battle buddy. Even though you don't use them all the time and for every crisis, you know that if you need them, they have your back. It's an inexplicable bond that you can't fully understand until it happens to you. In a way, I think they come into your life when you are in desperate need of them. And once they are in your life, they won't ever leave.
Kind Of Pretty I Like
As you are probably already aware, I am in love with Luke Bryan! I think he is an amazing country artist. He writes almost every single song on his albums. I think his voice is beautifully charming. His music sooths my soul, no matter what kind of mood I am in.
This is one of my new favorite songs from him. I am hoping it is on his new album in 2011! It's called "Kind of Pretty I Like."
This is one of my new favorite songs from him. I am hoping it is on his new album in 2011! It's called "Kind of Pretty I Like."
The reason I love this song so much is because its something I have always wanted. I am not the most beautiful woman in the world...I wish, but I wanna be the kind of pretty my man likes.
What woman doesn't want to know that her man still thinks she is sexy no matter what she is wearing? How can you not want a guy to fall in love with you while you are messing with the radio in his truck?
I'm a simple girl. I like simple things. Luke's song is about a guy still being crazy about his girl when she is doing normal, everyday, simple things. It makes me smile. :-)
Labels:
Love,
Luke Bryan
My Bible
I have tried in my life to become closer with God. I was raised Lutheran, went to church, Sunday school, and all that jazz growing up. However I've never been able to really entrench myself in having complete faith in God. I was never able to turn to the Bible for help or guidance when I was going through a rough time-- including Basic Training. If there ever was a time when I was seeking extra strength and perseverance it was then. Yet, I couldn't find what I was looking for. I've bought and tried to read The Purpose Driven Life. But I can't relate to it. I feel like a fake reading it.
I feel that I need to understand the here and now. Eternity, I don't have to try to understand. I get it. It's going to be more love and joy that I've ever experienced. I don't have to worry about that. What I do need to concern myself with, at least I feel, is making sense and making calm with the here and now.
So my "Bible" has become Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love. She doesn't have all the answers. And I don't go to her, looking to find the answers or solutions to my problems. But I read this book over and over again because she makes me feel like I am not alone in my search for more. She makes me feel as though I am not the only "normal" person who has all these different facets of her personality, who can go through 500 emotions in one day, and still live a "normal" life. Reading this book, I am not alone. I have her words, her struggles, her thoughts and emotions that mirror many of mine to find solace in.
I keep her book on the table beside my bed. There are underlined passages. I pick it up and turn to certain parts when I need something to comfort me. I don't read the book cover to cover. I just read it now for what I need.
Gilbert talks about so many different things in this book. Love, friendships, understanding your relationships, divorce, breaking up, searching for God in any form, seeking balance, not being able to shut off her mind, family, work, culture, traveling the world, prayer...
For me, it is easier to relate to Eat Pray Love than it is the Bible. Yes, they encompass many of the same areas, but Gilbert writes about it in a way that makes sense to me. Her words touch my heart. Her words about God and prayer touch my heart.
So maybe I am sacrilegious. Maybe I shouldn't say that Eat Pray Love is my Bible. But I don't know what else to call it.
Like Gilbert I firmly believe that God dwells within you, as you. I have a close relationship with God. We talk. He knows me [I'm still trying to fully understand myself]. And if it were truly necessary for me to find the solace and guidance I need in order to understand myself and the world I live in within the text of His Book, then I think He would bless me with that ability. However, He hasn't [yet?]. Instead, I feel He is blessing me by allowing me to find it through the words of someone else.
As Gilbert writes, "...If God wanted me to be a shy girl with thick, dark hair, He would have made me that way, but He didn't. Useful, then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein." (192)
I feel that I need to understand the here and now. Eternity, I don't have to try to understand. I get it. It's going to be more love and joy that I've ever experienced. I don't have to worry about that. What I do need to concern myself with, at least I feel, is making sense and making calm with the here and now.
So my "Bible" has become Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love. She doesn't have all the answers. And I don't go to her, looking to find the answers or solutions to my problems. But I read this book over and over again because she makes me feel like I am not alone in my search for more. She makes me feel as though I am not the only "normal" person who has all these different facets of her personality, who can go through 500 emotions in one day, and still live a "normal" life. Reading this book, I am not alone. I have her words, her struggles, her thoughts and emotions that mirror many of mine to find solace in.
I keep her book on the table beside my bed. There are underlined passages. I pick it up and turn to certain parts when I need something to comfort me. I don't read the book cover to cover. I just read it now for what I need.
Gilbert talks about so many different things in this book. Love, friendships, understanding your relationships, divorce, breaking up, searching for God in any form, seeking balance, not being able to shut off her mind, family, work, culture, traveling the world, prayer...
For me, it is easier to relate to Eat Pray Love than it is the Bible. Yes, they encompass many of the same areas, but Gilbert writes about it in a way that makes sense to me. Her words touch my heart. Her words about God and prayer touch my heart.
So maybe I am sacrilegious. Maybe I shouldn't say that Eat Pray Love is my Bible. But I don't know what else to call it.
Like Gilbert I firmly believe that God dwells within you, as you. I have a close relationship with God. We talk. He knows me [I'm still trying to fully understand myself]. And if it were truly necessary for me to find the solace and guidance I need in order to understand myself and the world I live in within the text of His Book, then I think He would bless me with that ability. However, He hasn't [yet?]. Instead, I feel He is blessing me by allowing me to find it through the words of someone else.
As Gilbert writes, "...If God wanted me to be a shy girl with thick, dark hair, He would have made me that way, but He didn't. Useful, then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein." (192)
What I've Learned...
I have learned that it is important to get things back from exes...immediately after breaking up. Like STAT. Time now. You might think its not a big deal or its too much of a hassle to have to deal with them and their attitude (and yours) at that current moment when the feelings of being broken up are still fresh, but do it.
If you don't this is what might happen to you:
You know that senior thesis you worked sooooo hard on in undergrad. The one you spent over a year doing research on, traveling all over the east coast to do research on in archives. The one you defended doctorate style to your two professors. The one that earned you an A. The one that you lent to your significant other while he was in Iraq because he said he wanted to read it. The bound and print-shop copy that you had of your senior thesis...
Yea, he threw it out after you broke up.
And only had the balls to tell you that when you asked for it back a few months later, because you thought it would be best if you let tensions cool between the two of you before you asked for him to mail you your things back.
Interestingly enough he didn't throw away the clothes that you bought him for when he returned from Iraq. Nope, Facebook pictures prove that those he still wears quite frequently. Including on Christmas. Funny, I thought he hated me. Why would he wear anything that I ever touched? Probably should have burned that stuff with lighter fluid.
But your senior thesis, something [I would think] a normal person might see and be like, "this isn't mine, she probably would want this back. I know she worked extremely hard on it" despite all the anger and hatred they have for you might have set it aside or sent it back.
For the record, if the tables had been turned I would have sent his senior thesis back, no matter how much I hated him. Somewhere along the line I learned empathy.
So get your stuff back ASAP. Because that ladder, target, DVDs, etc. might not have a long shelf life after your relationship expires. It's the principle of getting your belongings back...not gifts. Just what is yours.
If you don't this is what might happen to you:
You know that senior thesis you worked sooooo hard on in undergrad. The one you spent over a year doing research on, traveling all over the east coast to do research on in archives. The one you defended doctorate style to your two professors. The one that earned you an A. The one that you lent to your significant other while he was in Iraq because he said he wanted to read it. The bound and print-shop copy that you had of your senior thesis...
Yea, he threw it out after you broke up.
And only had the balls to tell you that when you asked for it back a few months later, because you thought it would be best if you let tensions cool between the two of you before you asked for him to mail you your things back.
Interestingly enough he didn't throw away the clothes that you bought him for when he returned from Iraq. Nope, Facebook pictures prove that those he still wears quite frequently. Including on Christmas. Funny, I thought he hated me. Why would he wear anything that I ever touched? Probably should have burned that stuff with lighter fluid.
But your senior thesis, something [I would think] a normal person might see and be like, "this isn't mine, she probably would want this back. I know she worked extremely hard on it" despite all the anger and hatred they have for you might have set it aside or sent it back.
For the record, if the tables had been turned I would have sent his senior thesis back, no matter how much I hated him. Somewhere along the line I learned empathy.
So get your stuff back ASAP. Because that ladder, target, DVDs, etc. might not have a long shelf life after your relationship expires. It's the principle of getting your belongings back...not gifts. Just what is yours.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Online Dating
I succumbed to online dating. I'll admit it. There were very few men in the gene pool of Western New York that I was meeting when I went out, so I was encouraged by my best friend to try online dating. So I did. I signed up on okcupid.com because I refused to pay for something before I tried it out; before I knew whether or not I was really interested in trying it out.
Turns out it wasn't an awful experience, but it wasn't a good one either. I think it has to do with me being old fashioned in dating still, not feeling completely hopeless [yet], and the fact that I wasn't seeing anyone I'd be interested in for more than a few hours.
The Good
Turns out, you aren't the only one in the world who is lonely, looking for love, not seeming to find it even though all your friends have. Apparently there are a whole bunch of us squirming around the city! And sometimes its a comforting thing to see that. Tangible evidence is always a plus.
Not every guy on there was a creeper. I did in fact meet a pretty decent guy. He wasn't right for me, but he was not psycho, nor did he have two heads. He was normal, laid back, liked football and beer, and had a job at Gieco. Pretty standard normal stuff, which is nice.
It's easier to reject someone online than it is at the bar. At least for me. If a guy has the courage to come up to me while I'm out feel a sense of obligation to give him my number [unless of course he is rude or perverted]. I mean, it takes a lot of gumption to come over and talk to a complete stranger. I don't do it often. Online, if I'm not interested and I don't show interest, I don't feel so bad. [Yes, I'm a little bit of a horrible person, I realize that.]
The Bad
From my experience some guys just want to use the dating site as a way to date you. I can be considered high maintenance; I like being taken out on dates. I like meeting people in person. I viewed Okcupid as a mutual friend or the virtual bar. You learn some quick facts about this person and weigh whether or not you want to go on a date- even just coffee! You don't stay at the bar for days on end trying to get to know the person inside and out before you decide whether or not you want to see this person [in the flesh]. I understand not wanting to take out every woman you talk to, but that's why you should know what you are looking for. Ask those questions; seek those answers out first. If those responses are acceptable to you, go get in line at Starbucks and have a real conversation!
The Ugly
Similar to The Bad is guys asking you why you don't list every detail or every thought about yourself online. Uhhh, because I prefer actual conversation. Because I like meeting people and spending time with them to see if there is chemistry. A profile can sound great. You can be Mr. Wonderful...but if I don't like your voice, or your teeth, or the way you smell [you get the idea] then it ain't gonna happen. I don't care how many of my Mr. Right boxes are checked off based on what you wrote on your profile. [Sometimes those antiquated ideas of chemistry and hygiene aren't just something George and Martha Washington were able to use to their advantage. Even in 2010, I think they are applicable and necessary to the start of any courtship.]
Then there were the even uglier comments that were made to me when I first started talking to some guys. The fitness comment that was written in the "All righty Cupid" entry about fitting his member in my mouth. Yeah, that was made to me. Not exactly happy about that ever being muttered to me...via text message.
So maybe others have luck finding love on the Internet. My cousin met her husband at an online dating site. I don't knock it. I tried it. It just isn't for me. At least not at this juncture in my life. I do, however think it would be a good way to meet people if you relocate to a place where you don't know anyone...and are tired of going to the movies alone.
I have, however, since deleted my profile.
Turns out it wasn't an awful experience, but it wasn't a good one either. I think it has to do with me being old fashioned in dating still, not feeling completely hopeless [yet], and the fact that I wasn't seeing anyone I'd be interested in for more than a few hours.
The Good
Turns out, you aren't the only one in the world who is lonely, looking for love, not seeming to find it even though all your friends have. Apparently there are a whole bunch of us squirming around the city! And sometimes its a comforting thing to see that. Tangible evidence is always a plus.
Not every guy on there was a creeper. I did in fact meet a pretty decent guy. He wasn't right for me, but he was not psycho, nor did he have two heads. He was normal, laid back, liked football and beer, and had a job at Gieco. Pretty standard normal stuff, which is nice.
It's easier to reject someone online than it is at the bar. At least for me. If a guy has the courage to come up to me while I'm out feel a sense of obligation to give him my number [unless of course he is rude or perverted]. I mean, it takes a lot of gumption to come over and talk to a complete stranger. I don't do it often. Online, if I'm not interested and I don't show interest, I don't feel so bad. [Yes, I'm a little bit of a horrible person, I realize that.]
The Bad
From my experience some guys just want to use the dating site as a way to date you. I can be considered high maintenance; I like being taken out on dates. I like meeting people in person. I viewed Okcupid as a mutual friend or the virtual bar. You learn some quick facts about this person and weigh whether or not you want to go on a date- even just coffee! You don't stay at the bar for days on end trying to get to know the person inside and out before you decide whether or not you want to see this person [in the flesh]. I understand not wanting to take out every woman you talk to, but that's why you should know what you are looking for. Ask those questions; seek those answers out first. If those responses are acceptable to you, go get in line at Starbucks and have a real conversation!
The Ugly
Similar to The Bad is guys asking you why you don't list every detail or every thought about yourself online. Uhhh, because I prefer actual conversation. Because I like meeting people and spending time with them to see if there is chemistry. A profile can sound great. You can be Mr. Wonderful...but if I don't like your voice, or your teeth, or the way you smell [you get the idea] then it ain't gonna happen. I don't care how many of my Mr. Right boxes are checked off based on what you wrote on your profile. [Sometimes those antiquated ideas of chemistry and hygiene aren't just something George and Martha Washington were able to use to their advantage. Even in 2010, I think they are applicable and necessary to the start of any courtship.]
Then there were the even uglier comments that were made to me when I first started talking to some guys. The fitness comment that was written in the "All righty Cupid" entry about fitting his member in my mouth. Yeah, that was made to me. Not exactly happy about that ever being muttered to me...via text message.
So maybe others have luck finding love on the Internet. My cousin met her husband at an online dating site. I don't knock it. I tried it. It just isn't for me. At least not at this juncture in my life. I do, however think it would be a good way to meet people if you relocate to a place where you don't know anyone...and are tired of going to the movies alone.
I have, however, since deleted my profile.
Labels:
Dating
Sunday, December 26, 2010
A Year In Review
Well 2010 sure has been an interesting year for me! It has many ups and down, many fond memories, many challenges, many new undertakings, many instances I'd like to forget. However rather than focus on the good, bad, or ugly of the year, I want to focus on what I have learned. Hopefully some of the knowledge I've learned, about myself and about people will stick and I'll be able to build upon it in 2011.
1. I learned that I like to feel needed. In fact, I feed off of this feeling. I never realized it before, but I think that is why I have long searched for a boyfriend in which I can feel I am a majorly important asset in their life. This is also, now why I think teaching is probably going to be a great profession for me. Who needs someone in their life more than middle-high school students? Who needs someone who they feel can relate to them, but offer some guidance based on their age (and the wisdom that accompanies that)? I have felt so happy when I am at school and I see that the students (even if it is just one of them) needs me in some capacity.
2. I have learned that I am strong. Emotionally and physically. The physical part is pretty surprising since I'm only 5'1" and weigh less than 115 pounds. But I am tough. I mean, I'm no guy, but I am strong for my stature. Emotionally, I'd have to thank two experiences this past year: Basic & Maj's deployment. I've learned how to handle my emotions better- not perfectly, just better. I've learned how to be strong, not let people's comments always bother me. "Brush it off and move on" is the best piece of advice my MTI ever gave me.
3. I am more self-less than I thought I was. I enjoy making people happy. I love traveling to see my friends because I know it means a lot to them.
4. I really am superstitious about certain things! But that my superstitions are my way of my gut trying to send a message to me.
5. Stress = L.G. L.G. = stress. That's what I do. I stress about things that are important to me. I stress about things I have put a lot of time, energy, dedication, and have been working towards. If someone can't accept that about me, that that is what I do, then they shouldn't try to date me. I mean who really wants to see that after years of hard work and steadfastness that your dreams don't actually come to fruition. Well, I guess someone who isn't as driven as me...moving on!
6. I learned that sometimes stress isn't necessary. Some things in life should be stressed about, but others should not. That paper for that grad class is only worth 10 points, get it done and hand it in. Don't stress about something that doesn't reflect your whole student persona (or whole persona in general). Prioritize the stress.
7. I realized that I am the definition of multi-faceted. I have an interesting story. I have varied interests. I am not just the girl next door. I am the girl next door who loves be front row at a Luke Bryan concert, who loves to travel, who loves to write, who loves to see new places and experience new things, who likes be different from every other girl, who can do 50 push ups in 60 seconds, who likes to weld and bake. Yeah, that's who I am. I'm all over the spectrum. I am what I call the jack-of-all-personality-traits. I am not boring. I am not a stock character. I'm all over the spectrum- and I love that about myself.
8. Canadians and Americans are very different people. We are similar, but we are very different. So anyone who claims that Canada is "little America" or the "51st state," needs to check themselves and hang out with some Canadians...for like 6 months...in grad school. You will learn how different we are.
I know there are more. But that's the major things I have learned this year. Think about all that you have done this year...what can you realize about yourself from those events and feelings in the past year.
New Years isn't just a time of setting new goals for the new year. It should be about looking at the past, so maybe it doesn't continue to repeat itself, and so that you can learn something about yourself.
Happy New Year!
1. I learned that I like to feel needed. In fact, I feed off of this feeling. I never realized it before, but I think that is why I have long searched for a boyfriend in which I can feel I am a majorly important asset in their life. This is also, now why I think teaching is probably going to be a great profession for me. Who needs someone in their life more than middle-high school students? Who needs someone who they feel can relate to them, but offer some guidance based on their age (and the wisdom that accompanies that)? I have felt so happy when I am at school and I see that the students (even if it is just one of them) needs me in some capacity.
2. I have learned that I am strong. Emotionally and physically. The physical part is pretty surprising since I'm only 5'1" and weigh less than 115 pounds. But I am tough. I mean, I'm no guy, but I am strong for my stature. Emotionally, I'd have to thank two experiences this past year: Basic & Maj's deployment. I've learned how to handle my emotions better- not perfectly, just better. I've learned how to be strong, not let people's comments always bother me. "Brush it off and move on" is the best piece of advice my MTI ever gave me.
3. I am more self-less than I thought I was. I enjoy making people happy. I love traveling to see my friends because I know it means a lot to them.
4. I really am superstitious about certain things! But that my superstitions are my way of my gut trying to send a message to me.
5. Stress = L.G. L.G. = stress. That's what I do. I stress about things that are important to me. I stress about things I have put a lot of time, energy, dedication, and have been working towards. If someone can't accept that about me, that that is what I do, then they shouldn't try to date me. I mean who really wants to see that after years of hard work and steadfastness that your dreams don't actually come to fruition. Well, I guess someone who isn't as driven as me...moving on!
6. I learned that sometimes stress isn't necessary. Some things in life should be stressed about, but others should not. That paper for that grad class is only worth 10 points, get it done and hand it in. Don't stress about something that doesn't reflect your whole student persona (or whole persona in general). Prioritize the stress.
7. I realized that I am the definition of multi-faceted. I have an interesting story. I have varied interests. I am not just the girl next door. I am the girl next door who loves be front row at a Luke Bryan concert, who loves to travel, who loves to write, who loves to see new places and experience new things, who likes be different from every other girl, who can do 50 push ups in 60 seconds, who likes to weld and bake. Yeah, that's who I am. I'm all over the spectrum. I am what I call the jack-of-all-personality-traits. I am not boring. I am not a stock character. I'm all over the spectrum- and I love that about myself.
8. Canadians and Americans are very different people. We are similar, but we are very different. So anyone who claims that Canada is "little America" or the "51st state," needs to check themselves and hang out with some Canadians...for like 6 months...in grad school. You will learn how different we are.
I know there are more. But that's the major things I have learned this year. Think about all that you have done this year...what can you realize about yourself from those events and feelings in the past year.
New Years isn't just a time of setting new goals for the new year. It should be about looking at the past, so maybe it doesn't continue to repeat itself, and so that you can learn something about yourself.
Happy New Year!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Ex-Girlfriends
One thing I have always been insecure and anxious about are ex-girlfriends. I have never been able to be comfortable with the idea that my boyfriend is friends with his ex.
Now, in a perfect world, that does sounds great, right? They couldn't work it out romantically, but the bond was still there and its strictly platonic. Hell, there have been time I'd have killed to be friends with my exes. Well, some of them anyhow.
But the truth is, I don't talk to any of the guys who were my serious boyfriends. In fact, I only talk to one guy that I ever even dated and its not on a regular basis. Even when I want to be friends with them, they don't want to be friends with me. So that's why I feel I am partially anxious about the whole relationship.
I mean, where, when, and how do you separate the fact that you used to sleep with this person and love this person, and now you are just able to talk to them as though they were always the girl next door who you used to pull pranks with?! How do you do it? From personal experience I think it might be easier to separate Siamese twins that are conjoined at the skull with a dental pick. That sounds much easier than being friends with an ex!
Another part of why it is so hard for me to wrap my head around the whole concept and be ok with it is my insecurities. As women we are nearly trained to view other women as threats. And I see this woman as a threat. She has slept with my boyfriend. She knows intimate details about him. She has memories with him. It would be like Lee and McClellan being bffs at West Point before the Battle of Bull Run. They know all these secrets and weaknesses about each other.
Wouldn't it sometimes be easier to deal with the comfort of an ex than deal with the newness of a new girlfriend? Moreover, how does the family see you versus her? Do they like her better? Do they wish you were her? Or his friends. Did they like her better because she'd always bring them beer on poker nights?
I know that these are insecure thoughts, but I also know I am not alone in feeling this way about a boyfriend being friends with his exes. Women worry that they aren't good enough. And having a boyfriend chat up his ex in the most friendliest of manners, definitely can make you feel as though you might not be able to ever measure up. It's not like she is the ex he never talks to and you know you are much better than.
Nope, you're just sitting there, biting at your nails, wondering how it all works. And contemplating about those Siamese twins.
Now, in a perfect world, that does sounds great, right? They couldn't work it out romantically, but the bond was still there and its strictly platonic. Hell, there have been time I'd have killed to be friends with my exes. Well, some of them anyhow.
But the truth is, I don't talk to any of the guys who were my serious boyfriends. In fact, I only talk to one guy that I ever even dated and its not on a regular basis. Even when I want to be friends with them, they don't want to be friends with me. So that's why I feel I am partially anxious about the whole relationship.
I mean, where, when, and how do you separate the fact that you used to sleep with this person and love this person, and now you are just able to talk to them as though they were always the girl next door who you used to pull pranks with?! How do you do it? From personal experience I think it might be easier to separate Siamese twins that are conjoined at the skull with a dental pick. That sounds much easier than being friends with an ex!
Another part of why it is so hard for me to wrap my head around the whole concept and be ok with it is my insecurities. As women we are nearly trained to view other women as threats. And I see this woman as a threat. She has slept with my boyfriend. She knows intimate details about him. She has memories with him. It would be like Lee and McClellan being bffs at West Point before the Battle of Bull Run. They know all these secrets and weaknesses about each other.
Wouldn't it sometimes be easier to deal with the comfort of an ex than deal with the newness of a new girlfriend? Moreover, how does the family see you versus her? Do they like her better? Do they wish you were her? Or his friends. Did they like her better because she'd always bring them beer on poker nights?
I know that these are insecure thoughts, but I also know I am not alone in feeling this way about a boyfriend being friends with his exes. Women worry that they aren't good enough. And having a boyfriend chat up his ex in the most friendliest of manners, definitely can make you feel as though you might not be able to ever measure up. It's not like she is the ex he never talks to and you know you are much better than.
Nope, you're just sitting there, biting at your nails, wondering how it all works. And contemplating about those Siamese twins.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
I am going to talk a little politics mixed with some sociology in this post, so you've been warned.
"Don't Ask, Don't Tell," the military policy about gays serving has been repealed in the last few days. Now, what I'm going to be writing about has nothing to do with what side I am on. This isn't what my discussion is about. My point about the repeal is how the military and US government is going to work in marriage into the whole repeal.
Now, I know many of you are thinking "the repeal has nothing to do with gay marriage." Ok, you're right. On the surface it does not. I guess what I'm talking about is the possibility of an even larger outcry for legalizing gay marriage within the country.
Here's where I am coming from. When you are in the military, if you are married you receive BAH, which pays for your housing expenses. Your spouse is allowed to take part in your health care through the military. You are allowed to live on base housing together. Your spouse is recognized as your legal dependent.
Now that gays are allowed to openly serve (openly being the key word) I have a feeling that there is a good chance that in the next couple of years they will be clamoring for rights for their partners to be included in the rights that heterosexual military couples share.
Why? Well, I think that many gay service members will begin to see the injustice of the system. At least more so than they already do. They may have a long term partner, one they have been committed to for years (and probably longer than many privates have been to their spouses....), yet they are not capable of receiving the same benefits simply because they do not have a piece of paper that you pay $60 to file and $20 to register for down at the courthouse.
I think that with the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" there will be a greater push for gay marriage to be legalized, so that these men and women, who sacrifice their lives for their country, are able to provide for the one they love.
Let's face it, the institute of marriage, as far as control by the government is concerned is a reactive policy. People have been living together and separating for thousands of years. It is only under government that it becomes part of the jurisdiction of the law. Really, marriage and commitment is a matter of the human heart and its emotions. Government has sought to control it throughout the centuries. I think it is only a matter of time before gay marriage is part of the law and I believe that the repeal of this act will be a stepping stone for gay rights activists.
Feel free to react.
"Don't Ask, Don't Tell," the military policy about gays serving has been repealed in the last few days. Now, what I'm going to be writing about has nothing to do with what side I am on. This isn't what my discussion is about. My point about the repeal is how the military and US government is going to work in marriage into the whole repeal.
Now, I know many of you are thinking "the repeal has nothing to do with gay marriage." Ok, you're right. On the surface it does not. I guess what I'm talking about is the possibility of an even larger outcry for legalizing gay marriage within the country.
Here's where I am coming from. When you are in the military, if you are married you receive BAH, which pays for your housing expenses. Your spouse is allowed to take part in your health care through the military. You are allowed to live on base housing together. Your spouse is recognized as your legal dependent.
Now that gays are allowed to openly serve (openly being the key word) I have a feeling that there is a good chance that in the next couple of years they will be clamoring for rights for their partners to be included in the rights that heterosexual military couples share.
Why? Well, I think that many gay service members will begin to see the injustice of the system. At least more so than they already do. They may have a long term partner, one they have been committed to for years (and probably longer than many privates have been to their spouses....), yet they are not capable of receiving the same benefits simply because they do not have a piece of paper that you pay $60 to file and $20 to register for down at the courthouse.
I think that with the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" there will be a greater push for gay marriage to be legalized, so that these men and women, who sacrifice their lives for their country, are able to provide for the one they love.
Let's face it, the institute of marriage, as far as control by the government is concerned is a reactive policy. People have been living together and separating for thousands of years. It is only under government that it becomes part of the jurisdiction of the law. Really, marriage and commitment is a matter of the human heart and its emotions. Government has sought to control it throughout the centuries. I think it is only a matter of time before gay marriage is part of the law and I believe that the repeal of this act will be a stepping stone for gay rights activists.
Feel free to react.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sorbet
I don't know if any of ya'll have ever read The Between Boyfriends Book by Cindy Chupack, but it is an amusing collection of essays about that time between boyfriend A & B [see: Take It]. In one of her essays, Chupack talks about the "Sexual Sorbet," who is a guy that you sleep with after a breakup...in order to cleanse your palate.
Her argument is that you need to put some distance between yourself and your failed realtionship. Now, hopefully none of you are appalled or shocked by this entry yet. I mean, let's face it, men do it...and we shouldn't be all virginal about the whole concept either.
Now, neither Chupack or I am advocating sleeping around. First off, protect yourself and be smart about this. Second, there is always old standbys that many women keep around for when they are lonely [fact of life, people, just move on, and accept this entry!]. Use one of them if the prospect of putting another notch in your bed post makes you cringe.
And this isn't a means to enter into a relationship either. No, no, that's rebound and we are self-aware women and we know that we are not ready for that yet, emotionally. This is stickly a cleanser. Sorbet. Like one of those crazy cleanser-fasting diets that women go on to clean out the system. That's all we are talking about here.
You need to put some distance between you and your ex. You need it, believe me. I'm not saying it has to happen that very night. I am simply saying that when you think you are ready to cleanse the palate, when you are ready to leave that taste in your mouth behind, get some sorbet!
Sorbet is better than Listerine...trust me.
Her argument is that you need to put some distance between yourself and your failed realtionship. Now, hopefully none of you are appalled or shocked by this entry yet. I mean, let's face it, men do it...and we shouldn't be all virginal about the whole concept either.
Now, neither Chupack or I am advocating sleeping around. First off, protect yourself and be smart about this. Second, there is always old standbys that many women keep around for when they are lonely [fact of life, people, just move on, and accept this entry!]. Use one of them if the prospect of putting another notch in your bed post makes you cringe.
And this isn't a means to enter into a relationship either. No, no, that's rebound and we are self-aware women and we know that we are not ready for that yet, emotionally. This is stickly a cleanser. Sorbet. Like one of those crazy cleanser-fasting diets that women go on to clean out the system. That's all we are talking about here.
You need to put some distance between you and your ex. You need it, believe me. I'm not saying it has to happen that very night. I am simply saying that when you think you are ready to cleanse the palate, when you are ready to leave that taste in your mouth behind, get some sorbet!
Sorbet is better than Listerine...trust me.
Take It
I've learned that as I age, it is not emotionally healthy for a woman to enter into a rebound relationship; to trade her feelings for one man, and give them to another. I've learned that not only is it not nice to the new guy, but it is not very nice to yourself. Yes, you are hurt after a relationship, but giving your affection to a new one, isn't something the Surgeon General would suggest.
So how long before a break up do you start getting back in the saddle or sitting on the bench so that the coach will put you back in the game? Well, it depends. It depends on how the previous relationship ended. It depends on how long the two of you were together. It depends on how serious your feelings were and how serious your lives were intertwined. In other words, I've learned that while Charlotte may have claimed to shed some light on the subject ["It takes half as long as you were dating a man to get over him."], that might not always be the case.
It is something that each woman needs to feel out. When does the sight of pictures or thoughts of this previous suitor not make you cry? When do you feel like yourself again? When do you feel whole, not battered and bruised?
It might be difficult for many women to judge just how far along they have come in the moving on game in order to shy away from rebound. My suggestion? After you've taken a few weeks to yourself, go on a few dates. Meet some new guys. Consciously tell yourself to not get attached. I don't care if you tell yourself every minute of the day that you just want to focus on your career in order for you not to become attached to dates 1, 2, or 3. You'll be able to tell at the very least after 3 dates how far you have progressed (assuming you are somewhat self-aware to begin with).
However, let me lay down the law. Unless you dated the guy a month or less, 2 weeks is not enough time that you aren't trading your feelings in. Even if you were in an abusive relationship, 2 weeks is not enough. You need time to heal yourself, even if you aren't upset about the void of that certain man in your life.
Take it from a girl who never wanted any time between relationship A & B...take it. It is seriously the best thing in the world. I realize it now that I've had time to experience it.
Take a breath. Being on your own can feel amazing. Yes, its lonely. However, you have friends, and inform them that you will be using them to full capacity in the next few weeks, but that you will gladly reciprocate if that comes to pass on their end in the future. Do things for you. Treat yourself to dessert, a movie, a weekend getaway, all your guilty pleasures.
During this time think about you. Who you are, who you want to be, what you need to change or could improve on. Not what you did wrong, but just things you would like to see manifest differently in your next relationship. Self-awareness and self-evaluation are key. Reflection is a good thing.
I promise you, only good things can come of not jumping into being called "girlfriend" again.
So how long before a break up do you start getting back in the saddle or sitting on the bench so that the coach will put you back in the game? Well, it depends. It depends on how the previous relationship ended. It depends on how long the two of you were together. It depends on how serious your feelings were and how serious your lives were intertwined. In other words, I've learned that while Charlotte may have claimed to shed some light on the subject ["It takes half as long as you were dating a man to get over him."], that might not always be the case.
It is something that each woman needs to feel out. When does the sight of pictures or thoughts of this previous suitor not make you cry? When do you feel like yourself again? When do you feel whole, not battered and bruised?
It might be difficult for many women to judge just how far along they have come in the moving on game in order to shy away from rebound. My suggestion? After you've taken a few weeks to yourself, go on a few dates. Meet some new guys. Consciously tell yourself to not get attached. I don't care if you tell yourself every minute of the day that you just want to focus on your career in order for you not to become attached to dates 1, 2, or 3. You'll be able to tell at the very least after 3 dates how far you have progressed (assuming you are somewhat self-aware to begin with).
However, let me lay down the law. Unless you dated the guy a month or less, 2 weeks is not enough time that you aren't trading your feelings in. Even if you were in an abusive relationship, 2 weeks is not enough. You need time to heal yourself, even if you aren't upset about the void of that certain man in your life.
Take it from a girl who never wanted any time between relationship A & B...take it. It is seriously the best thing in the world. I realize it now that I've had time to experience it.
Take a breath. Being on your own can feel amazing. Yes, its lonely. However, you have friends, and inform them that you will be using them to full capacity in the next few weeks, but that you will gladly reciprocate if that comes to pass on their end in the future. Do things for you. Treat yourself to dessert, a movie, a weekend getaway, all your guilty pleasures.
During this time think about you. Who you are, who you want to be, what you need to change or could improve on. Not what you did wrong, but just things you would like to see manifest differently in your next relationship. Self-awareness and self-evaluation are key. Reflection is a good thing.
I promise you, only good things can come of not jumping into being called "girlfriend" again.
Define "Man"
"Country Man" by Luke Bryan is one of my favorite country songs. Rather than give you the lyrics, I'm just going to talk about what a "man" is. Because I think I have finally realized a definition of "man" [in contrast to "boy" or "guy"].
A man is someone who can take care of himself. Not only is he capable of taking care of himself in an independent manner, but he is more than willing to help out his friends when they are in need. He will move them across the country. He will get them out of a bad situation. He will calm them down when they are raging mad. He will give them the shirt off his back.
A man is loyal. He will care for his lady. He will treat her like a precious stone, one that he feels he has been entrusted to care for. He will protect her, but if she needs it, he will give her her independence. He does not smother her. He does stuff just to make her happy, like take out the trash without being nagged.
A man is responsible. He works. He gets paid. He provides. He does it the best he can. He tries very hard. He doesn't bail. Ever.
A man is the one who deserves a beer sometimes after a long day or project. A man is someone who sometimes needs to be alone to be with his thoughts, it doesn't mean he is ignoring you or mad. He just needs alone time to forget about all that he is responsible for in the world.
A real man has emotions. He isn't afraid to acknowledge that they are present in his body, even if he doesn't outwardly show on the surface. A real man gets angry, but he forgives and lets you know everything is ok and that he's forgiven you. A real man tells you what is on his mind. He doesn't play games with a woman. He will tell you if he is angry (or some other emotion) at you. [Think Noah in The Notebook: "I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass."]
I think most males are capable of reaching this "man" definition. However, I think for many of them it is just easier to stay in the "guy" zone where they can be assholes, treat many people badly, not be responsible, not understand their emotions or thoughts, and isn't willing to change yet.
A man is someone who can take care of himself. Not only is he capable of taking care of himself in an independent manner, but he is more than willing to help out his friends when they are in need. He will move them across the country. He will get them out of a bad situation. He will calm them down when they are raging mad. He will give them the shirt off his back.
A man is loyal. He will care for his lady. He will treat her like a precious stone, one that he feels he has been entrusted to care for. He will protect her, but if she needs it, he will give her her independence. He does not smother her. He does stuff just to make her happy, like take out the trash without being nagged.
A man is responsible. He works. He gets paid. He provides. He does it the best he can. He tries very hard. He doesn't bail. Ever.
A man is the one who deserves a beer sometimes after a long day or project. A man is someone who sometimes needs to be alone to be with his thoughts, it doesn't mean he is ignoring you or mad. He just needs alone time to forget about all that he is responsible for in the world.
A real man has emotions. He isn't afraid to acknowledge that they are present in his body, even if he doesn't outwardly show on the surface. A real man gets angry, but he forgives and lets you know everything is ok and that he's forgiven you. A real man tells you what is on his mind. He doesn't play games with a woman. He will tell you if he is angry (or some other emotion) at you. [Think Noah in The Notebook: "I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass."]
I think most males are capable of reaching this "man" definition. However, I think for many of them it is just easier to stay in the "guy" zone where they can be assholes, treat many people badly, not be responsible, not understand their emotions or thoughts, and isn't willing to change yet.
Catharsis
Catharsis is seriously the best feeling in the world. The feeling of just letting all of a certain type of emotion drain out of your body is an amazing feeling. It's relief, pure joy, happiness, sadness, and tension relief all rolled into one moment [or series of moments].
In many cases, its an act of letting go. Letting go of the past. Letting go of anger. Letting go of something you have no power to change. It's release.
Sometimes it takes the form of ripping up old photographs. Other times its burning love letters. Recently it was deleted someone from my phone and all the photographs of us from Facebook.
It might seem like such a small and perhaps even petty act in the grand scheme of things but there is something that shouldn't be messed with when it comes to emotions. You feel the way you feel, and there are times when it makes you feel good to be a little petty. Especially when it comes to an ex.
It was a cathartic act. It was release. You shouldn't begrudge me for that; for wanting to let go of the past in order to be emotionally free for the future.
In many cases, its an act of letting go. Letting go of the past. Letting go of anger. Letting go of something you have no power to change. It's release.
Sometimes it takes the form of ripping up old photographs. Other times its burning love letters. Recently it was deleted someone from my phone and all the photographs of us from Facebook.
It might seem like such a small and perhaps even petty act in the grand scheme of things but there is something that shouldn't be messed with when it comes to emotions. You feel the way you feel, and there are times when it makes you feel good to be a little petty. Especially when it comes to an ex.
It was a cathartic act. It was release. You shouldn't begrudge me for that; for wanting to let go of the past in order to be emotionally free for the future.
The Art of PR
So I have come to the conclusion that Facebook, for some people, is a Public Relations stunt.
It is a forum for where they get to post these amazing things about themselves and their lives. A place where they have their very own brag book of "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!" A place where the other siblings attempt to scream out for the world to notice them since being overshadowed by the youngest (or oldest) sibling for their whole life.
These PR stunts are not constricted to boastful statuses and photos. No, the emo, wrist cutting statuses are screaming out the same PR agenda to the Facebook world.
Some of these Facebookers write disparaging comments about thier significant others. No one wants to read about how your boyfriend went out tonight and that you're pissed when he wasn't home when you were. No one really cares about that sort of drama, except for other girls, who do the same thing. The fact is, the rest of us are judging you. I get it, you need to vent. That's what a text or phone call to a bestie is for.
I'm not saying don't put stuff out there for the world to see. Most of you I'm sure can think of someone on your friends list who you wish would stop posting __________. It's the excessiveness of their use of Facebook for PR purposes that irritates me.
They put their foot forward of who they want the virtual world to see them as. However, it might be in stark contrast to who they are in the real world. Just be real. It will seriously do the world a lot more good.
It is a forum for where they get to post these amazing things about themselves and their lives. A place where they have their very own brag book of "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!" A place where the other siblings attempt to scream out for the world to notice them since being overshadowed by the youngest (or oldest) sibling for their whole life.
These PR stunts are not constricted to boastful statuses and photos. No, the emo, wrist cutting statuses are screaming out the same PR agenda to the Facebook world.
Some of these Facebookers write disparaging comments about thier significant others. No one wants to read about how your boyfriend went out tonight and that you're pissed when he wasn't home when you were. No one really cares about that sort of drama, except for other girls, who do the same thing. The fact is, the rest of us are judging you. I get it, you need to vent. That's what a text or phone call to a bestie is for.
I'm not saying don't put stuff out there for the world to see. Most of you I'm sure can think of someone on your friends list who you wish would stop posting __________. It's the excessiveness of their use of Facebook for PR purposes that irritates me.
They put their foot forward of who they want the virtual world to see them as. However, it might be in stark contrast to who they are in the real world. Just be real. It will seriously do the world a lot more good.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Dislike Button Needed
First off I want to say that I am happy for couples who get engaged and married, especially my close friends. I am happy for those people who find that person in their life and want to grow old together. I am not a bitter single girl.
However, I do find it slightly annoying when you update the rest of the Facebook world with every little detail of your nuptial planning. Now I am not saying, don't post pictures together with your betrothed, nor am I saying don't put up loving status. If you're truely happy and feel blessed, put it out there. Scream it from a rooftop if you want. If it's all sincere, I have no problem with human emoition.
What I am griping about are the stupid, insignificant status updates that you post in order to scream to the world, "Look at me, I am so happy! I am getting my happy ending! Be jealous of me!" These girls create a world where they are the celebrity star! It's terribly annoying to find on my news feed.
Maybe you think I am bring judgemental, jealous, or bitter. I assure you, I'm not, but you can judge for yourself. Read these and lemme know what your initial reactions are.
"Watching my hubby eat his ice cream"-- Seriously?! You felt the need to update the world with that? I'll alert the media right away. This is breaking news...just like when Jessica Simpson lost her puppy.
"It's going to be SO hard waiting for our wedding bands to be made! They're absolutely stunning."-- It's December. You aren't getting married until May. Pretty sure, Emily Post would frown upon you wearing them before the big day as it is.
"Ugh, planning the wedding is hard work. Anyone know a wedding planner I can hire to do this stuff for me?"--Granted, getting all the details and plans finalized takes time, but really, isn't it supposed to be about the person you're spending your life with, rather than the details on china, the menu, the tablecloths, etc. No one will probably notice anyway...
It's times like these where I wish there was a "dislike" button on Facebook.
[And feel free to 'dislike' this entry. I encourage critical feedback.]
However, I do find it slightly annoying when you update the rest of the Facebook world with every little detail of your nuptial planning. Now I am not saying, don't post pictures together with your betrothed, nor am I saying don't put up loving status. If you're truely happy and feel blessed, put it out there. Scream it from a rooftop if you want. If it's all sincere, I have no problem with human emoition.
What I am griping about are the stupid, insignificant status updates that you post in order to scream to the world, "Look at me, I am so happy! I am getting my happy ending! Be jealous of me!" These girls create a world where they are the celebrity star! It's terribly annoying to find on my news feed.
Maybe you think I am bring judgemental, jealous, or bitter. I assure you, I'm not, but you can judge for yourself. Read these and lemme know what your initial reactions are.
"Watching my hubby eat his ice cream"-- Seriously?! You felt the need to update the world with that? I'll alert the media right away. This is breaking news...just like when Jessica Simpson lost her puppy.
"It's going to be SO hard waiting for our wedding bands to be made! They're absolutely stunning."-- It's December. You aren't getting married until May. Pretty sure, Emily Post would frown upon you wearing them before the big day as it is.
"Ugh, planning the wedding is hard work. Anyone know a wedding planner I can hire to do this stuff for me?"--Granted, getting all the details and plans finalized takes time, but really, isn't it supposed to be about the person you're spending your life with, rather than the details on china, the menu, the tablecloths, etc. No one will probably notice anyway...
It's times like these where I wish there was a "dislike" button on Facebook.
[And feel free to 'dislike' this entry. I encourage critical feedback.]
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
All Righty, Cupid!
My friend Dani lives and works in a big east coast city. Working crazy long hours in the city and not really knowing many people in the area has made it difficult to meet men, let alone get to go on a date with a man. As a way to meet men, she joined, what we like to call "the virtual bar" of online dating. There are cute guys, weirdo, creepers, and just plain nice guys who just want to meet a sane, normal woman.
At the virtual bar she has become acquainted with all sorts of men. Up until recently she has had a rather pleasant experience at the bar. Creepers were at a minimum. However, lately, she wonders whether or not the full moon is out, because the weirdness is coming out of the woodwork!
One potential noticed that she spoke another language. He then proceeded to write her nearly a page long message in Hungarian. While on the phone, explaining this situation to me, she exclaimed, "What if I write him a message in ancient Egyptian because I notice that he is of Egyptian decent. Here is some ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics for you honey! You're ancestors can read them, don't worry!"
At the virtual bar, the server asks you what age range you want your potential dates to fall between. Dani's limit is 31. She received a message from a man that started out... "I know I'm a little older than your range is..." So Dani, trying to keep an open mind, thinking she could probably date someone who was about 35. Nope. He was 52 years old. A little older?!?! Sorry, grandpa, but you should probably move your butt over to eHarmony before you dieeeeeee!
While these two are examples of amusing dating antidotes, there are also the more sinister and Jersey Shore-like offerings that are made during what appears at first to be a normal conversation.
One potential date started talking about football with her. The conversation then turned to what he thought about her looks. He thought she was really good looking...but he didn't stop there with the compliments. He then proceeded to compliment her body in detail, admitting what he liked about each tiny facet of her body...and that he'd hit that. Had they been dating and knew each other better, maybe this could have been laughed off or even served as foreplay. However, this was the first time they were meeting. The worse part was that he didn't understand that she wasn't being a prude about the situation, but rather was just trying to be a respected woman.
The second potential flop was a similar scenario. She was talking with this guy about how she liked working out, going to the gym, and doing yoga. He too enjoyed going to the gym. Great something in common------------Screeeeccch. "So if you're into fitness, can you "fit" my d*** in your mouth?" Excuse me?!?! Are you kidding me? The worse part was he tried to apologize over and over again for it, saying sometimes he says the wrong things, but he had always wanted to use that line before. Sorry, bud, but you aren't 16, you should be socially aware that it would be inappropriate to use that sort of "line" the first time you talk to a woman.
So, needless to say Dani is starting to get a little frustrated. She isn't looking to find Prince Charming today, tomorrow, or even next week...but she would like a decent, caring man to spend some of her time with. However, after some experiences like this, Dani looks up to the sky and screams, "all righty, Cupid, where is Prince Charming? I fold!"
At the virtual bar she has become acquainted with all sorts of men. Up until recently she has had a rather pleasant experience at the bar. Creepers were at a minimum. However, lately, she wonders whether or not the full moon is out, because the weirdness is coming out of the woodwork!
One potential noticed that she spoke another language. He then proceeded to write her nearly a page long message in Hungarian. While on the phone, explaining this situation to me, she exclaimed, "What if I write him a message in ancient Egyptian because I notice that he is of Egyptian decent. Here is some ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics for you honey! You're ancestors can read them, don't worry!"
At the virtual bar, the server asks you what age range you want your potential dates to fall between. Dani's limit is 31. She received a message from a man that started out... "I know I'm a little older than your range is..." So Dani, trying to keep an open mind, thinking she could probably date someone who was about 35. Nope. He was 52 years old. A little older?!?! Sorry, grandpa, but you should probably move your butt over to eHarmony before you dieeeeeee!
While these two are examples of amusing dating antidotes, there are also the more sinister and Jersey Shore-like offerings that are made during what appears at first to be a normal conversation.
One potential date started talking about football with her. The conversation then turned to what he thought about her looks. He thought she was really good looking...but he didn't stop there with the compliments. He then proceeded to compliment her body in detail, admitting what he liked about each tiny facet of her body...and that he'd hit that. Had they been dating and knew each other better, maybe this could have been laughed off or even served as foreplay. However, this was the first time they were meeting. The worse part was that he didn't understand that she wasn't being a prude about the situation, but rather was just trying to be a respected woman.
The second potential flop was a similar scenario. She was talking with this guy about how she liked working out, going to the gym, and doing yoga. He too enjoyed going to the gym. Great something in common------------Screeeeccch. "So if you're into fitness, can you "fit" my d*** in your mouth?" Excuse me?!?! Are you kidding me? The worse part was he tried to apologize over and over again for it, saying sometimes he says the wrong things, but he had always wanted to use that line before. Sorry, bud, but you aren't 16, you should be socially aware that it would be inappropriate to use that sort of "line" the first time you talk to a woman.
So, needless to say Dani is starting to get a little frustrated. She isn't looking to find Prince Charming today, tomorrow, or even next week...but she would like a decent, caring man to spend some of her time with. However, after some experiences like this, Dani looks up to the sky and screams, "all righty, Cupid, where is Prince Charming? I fold!"
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