A Recruitment Story

It's that time of year again on the Allegheny College campus-- RECRUITMENT!!! A week of events, major planning throughout much of winter break, skits, singing, cheering, matching outfits, talking & getting to know new women. 

Stress levels can run high. You want the right women for your sorority.  Women that will believe and be true to the values and the ideas set forth by the sorority way back in the late 1800s.

For me, when I was in college, I loved the planning behind recruitment.  For one whole week it was sorority-sorority-sorority over everything else in my life. And I loved it. I loved the late nights of staying in the suite to set up for the next round of parties. The chats with women I will never forget as we created table covers for Philanthropy Round, chair covers for Preference Round.

I liked brushing our feathers and showing to young women what we had to offer them, what we stood for, and who we were as individuals. It is a magical thing when you see all the stress, blood, sweat, and tears you put into creating the perfect night for these prospective women. It all pays off when the women walk in and their eyes light up and they no longer look afraid. When they feel comfortable and you can tell they can imagine themselves being part of this organization full time. 

The best part? Handing them a pearl, telling them the story of the girl who was lost in the woods, who dropped her pearl into a pool of water and watched the ripples spread away from the center. As the women leave, hushed singing in the background, they are told to make a wish on the pearl and drop it in our "pool" of water.  This is one of the only times I wished I was a fairy godmother and could make every single one of those women's wishes come true. It was in that moment I didn't care which sorority those women wanted to call home. All I wished for was the ability to get them to where they knew they could call home. 

The Bachelor

Ahhh The Bachelor. My guilty pleasure of every week. Yes, it is drama filled. Yes, those are not dates you would ever take in real life. Yes, it is very hyped up. Yes, Chris Harrison gets annoying when he announces that "this is the last rose this evening."

But, I love this show.

Why? Because when I watch this show, I feel less desperate about my own love life. I have yet to apply to abc.com to be the next Bachelorette. [However, if I do reach a desperation point in my life, I will totally, without shame, nominate myself to be on that show!] I do not throw myself at men the way some of the women do on that show. I do not cry over him kissing another girl if we aren't exclusive. I don't pick cat fights. 

However, I sympathize with these women. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, which makes it all the more capable of being broken or hurt. I can't help it, I've tried to change that about myself, but it is who I am, so there. But I see that part of me in many of these women who genuinely appear to be on the show for a chance to win a man's heart.

Most people, want to find love. They want to feel connected to another person.  While the show is certainly dramatized and romance is hyped to the max, there is something real about the emotions that run rampant on the show, that make it [at least to me] interesting to watch and be a part of. 

Oh, and it certainly doesn't hurt that all the Bachelors that have been on the show have had smokin' bodies. A little eye candy on a Monday night never hurt nobody!

Baby, What's Your Sign?

Well yesterday I was a Capricorn. Today, I am a Sagittarius. I know two Sag's...my mom & brother. Nope, sorry, we're aren't anything alike.  I am a true Capricorn all the way.


 Now, when I was a teenager I was very into astrology. I mean, I didn't have rain dances or anything like that in my backyard, but when I found out about the traits that made up my sign, I felt like I understood myself for the first time.  It has really only been recently that I have come back to try to understand myself.

While I still identify with my Capricorn-ish traits, I know that I have developed into a different woman.  Yes, I am still ambitious and disciplined, however sometimes my practicality and prudence are thrown out the window. I realized in college that I only get to live once and I want to live it up whatever way I can! 

Patient- ha, not even close. I have never been patient. I have become more patient as I have gotten older, but even now...I am far from describing myself as a patient person. That would just be lying. Careful...hmmm, again, I've started to embrace life. You'd think as I get older I would get more cautious...I think just the opposite is happening with me though. Humorous- I certainly try to be. I love humor. I love to laugh. 

Reserved, yes I still am. I've come to the point where I am more outgoing and less shy when I first meet people, however, sometimes, if I am out with a big group and I only know one or two people, I can certainly be classified as reserved. Or if I am out with a couple friends and one has a very big, boisterous, and outgoing personality, I tend to shy away and consume myself within my own thoughts.  I fade into the background. I am still quite pessimistic. I always assume the worst is going to happen. But I have tried to change that outlook in somethings. I'm starting to believe that I have simply worked so hard these last few years on creating my "future" life that its just gotta happen!

And it's true I love history, antiques, duties and responsibilities, unconditional love, & new books. I hate, just like my sign says untidiness and disorder, surprises, loneliness, and being made to feel useless and incompetent.

Well whatever my sign is...this is who I am. And really, that's all that matters.

Love The One You're With

I have just finished book number 1 of L.G's 24 year goals of reading at least 5 chick-lit books.  This is the 3rd book I've read by Emily Giffin, Love The One You're With.

I do like these books. They are easy to read, interesting stories about women at crossroads in their personal and professional life.  The ending always seems to turn out just right for these ladies after having inner conflict and confusion. 

What I don't like about Giffin or her books, is their comparison to Jane Austen and Pride & Prejudice.  Jane Austen's works are classics. Despite the language they are timeless. They are real character development. Austen see through to her characters souls, and as a reader, so do you.  

While Giffin is a good writer, I only see into the main characters' soul...if I'm lucky. If you're looking for chick-lit that is like a chick-flick, read Giffin. You won't be disappointed. Just don't read her if you are looking for Jane Austen.

Dying Newspaper

As my baby brother's senior year & final wrestling season winds down, I have come face to face with the newspaper industry. At least the newspaper industry here in Western New York.  Now our local paper is no, New York Times. In fact, we live on the exact opposite end of the state. You can't get any farther in the state of New York than where I currently sit & type this to you. 

It's a local paper. Shouldn't it have mostly local stories and bylines? Why is everything from the AP wire?

The Buffalo area has many schools and in the winter there really isn't much to report on in the area. There aren't usually any outdoor festivals or concerts.  Just high school and college sports. 

This past weekend I spent two full days in a big community college gym, surrounded by hundreds of high school boys in singlets and warm up suits, smelling sweat, hearing buzzers and whistles nonstop in my ears, having my tush get numb from the bleachers.  This wrestling tournament hosts over 4o area high schools.  Its a big deal for local wrestlers to show case their talents and it helps to determine qualifiers for states and seeds at other tournaments later in the season. 

Yet, the local paper basically gave the tournament a split second glance. The write up looked as though the reporter had taken the finalists' biography from the coach and then added who ended up winning each weight class contest. 

Who or what was on the front page of the Sports section...the Seattle game. Seattle. We live in Buffalo, NY. Here Seattle, a buzz from the AP, was front and center on the sports page, with a nice run down of the NFL game. Seattle? Are you serious?

If this is what local papers are coming to- brushing off the importance of local news for things around the country that are more glamours and "seemingly" more important, then perhaps its a good thing journalists across the country are loosing their jobs at local papers. Maybe we do only need papers like the New York Times and USA Today.  Who cares about local students, local superstars, when we can talk about Matt Hasselbeck? A guy who gets paid millions for a team that is on the complete other side of the country.

And again, Nate, I'm sorry for ragging on your report. It's nothing personal. Just a statement on local journalism in general.

Slow Down Sister

Allegheny College. You taught me so many things. How to turn a sentence into a two-page paper. How its not a good thing to mix my alcohol all night long and expect to feel alive the next morning.  How to walk up hill in 3 feet of unshoveled snow in Arctic like temperatures. 

College also taught me how you start to "date." Everything is a race. A Nascar race. High speed, going around in circles dating all sorts of different guys, never really ever seeming to pass the black and white checkered flag.

Audge & I were talking about this at lunch the other afternoon. There we were eating some fries as we divulged how it now appears that we need to learn how to go slow when we meet someone new. Now, we aren't talking about how soon do you, or don't you, sleep with your new beau. No we are talking about going slow in the walk [we aren't sprinting anymore] to becoming boyfriend/girlfriend.

Back in our college days the label came quick.  By 3 weeks of hanging out, eating meals, studying in the library, and walking to class together it became Facebook official. Even some of the guys we have dated after college didn't take much more than 3 before it became official.

But here we both were- past the 3 week mark with both our beaux and nothing felt official. In fact, we had both been told by our beaux that they wanted to go slow for the outstanding circumstances of our crazy lives.  Understandable. Logic told us that it was the smart thing.  But-- why doesn't he wanna be my boyfriend?! Yes, that's right Ms. Emo came out.  We probably should have been drinking milkshakes instead of beers during this lunch.  At the very least Cosmos, those are at least girly.

So here we are. 24 and 23 years old, learning how to walk. Learning how to go slow. Learning how our motto should be "just let it happen."

You'd think being this old, we'd have the sense to walk. That going slow would be all that we wanted to do. I mean, we've both had our hearts broken more than once. Shouldn't we want to go slow? Why were we so willing to drive like Mario Andretti with our hearts? Why didn't we want to go slow?

I chalk it up to both Audge and I having a very similar I-want-it-gotta-have-it kind of attitude.  This attitudeis coupled with the fact that we have seen what is out there. When we find something we like, we don't want another girl coming in and stealing what we think we found first [ok, not first, but he was on the shelf and we picked him off it first, this time]. No, we want that title, because to us, that title is a mark of territory, rather than the description of how committed to one another we were as a couple to these beaux.

But really, when you think about it, that's what maybe these beaux are trying to get at. They want to go slow because they want the title of boyfriend/girlfriend to mean something about the depth of their feelings and commitment.  Right now they aren't there yet. How can you blame them, its only been a few weeks?

So here Audge and I go, learning how to slow it down.

The Book

I have long since been a disciple of The Book.  It is what my girl friends and I reverently refer He's Just Not That Into You to as. I used to consult it and pour over it every time I started talking to a boy in order try to decipher what he really meant, and if he was into me. 

However with the new year I have some new perspective. I do not need a book to tell me what my gut is already telling me. I should be trusting my instincts, rather than consulting a book that doesn't acutely describe the situation I find myself in. 

I do think the book is a helpful. It can help a girl stay grounded while she treads through Limbo land...but it isn't concrete. And when you do think it is concrete about a guy, it should also mean that you just found one of those guys who didn't have the balls to tell you how he really felt. Who wants one of those guys anyways?! Let him go on his way. He can find some other girl to try to sort through all his B.S.

Which I think that's what The Book helps you see. The bull that guys who don't have the guts or decency to really tell you what is really up. And girl, you don't want to waste anytime on those guys. Because you won't be that into them either.

Clean Slate



Kate Spade

  In keeping with it being January, I found this pretty white bangle from Kate Spade. Engraved on the inside are the words "Clean Slate."

Have you ever wanted a clean slate with someone or something? Was it after you embarrassed yourself? Or after you said something you really didn't mean?

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to say to someone that you wanted to start over? That you wanted to begin again. Forget all the mistakes, the fights, the hurtful words?

Perhaps you're only able to get a true clean slate when you start anew with someone else. After you've forgiven yourself. 

Signs

Do you believe in signs? Things that happen in your life that tell you what you need to do? Or what path you need to jump onto before its too late?

I had one such sign. It was September 1, 2010. I was walking down the street outside of the hospital to go visit my grandpa. As I was crossing the street I heard this little boy's voice yell from a car, "Ms. G." I turned and looked. I couldn't believe it, but it was Marquillis, one of the students I had during the summer literacy camp. I shouted and waved back at him, as he and his mother sat in their car before the light turned green. 

I had just come from the education office at my graduate school to tell them that I would not be starting classes in the fall semester.  I was getting married & Maj wanted me to move down to North Carolina to be with him. 

But as Marquillis drove away, I couldn't help but think that perhaps I had made a huge mistake.  If it had been any other student, it might not have registered that I could possibly be on the verge of messing up my future. 

The reason Marquillis quelled this fear inside of me was the fact that I had earned his trust and friendship throughout the course of the summer camp.  I became one of his favorite teachers after the lesson I taught where I let the students dress up in a piece of my military uniform.  The boys seemed to agree that Ms. G was pretty cool now that they knew I worked on airplanes. Marquillis even sat with me the one day during gym time while the other students were in the pool. He talked my ear off about all sorts of different things and gave me two of his coveted silly bands that were all the rage with my middle school students.

Perhaps seeing Marquillis on that day was a sign that I should be a teacher. That being a teacher and connecting with students was my real calling or mission in life. That I shouldn't give that up for some boy.

I'm not sure if Marquillis was a sign or not, but the thought of that moment certainly helped me to stand up to Maj and to not back down as he was arguing with me on the phone the following day.  Although Maj ultimately did the official pulling of the plug [and truly did hurt me] I did not back down to him the way I previously had on most things.  I stood my ground and that is what ultimately caused him to end it. 

All through the fall semester I kept thinking back to Marquillis. He had given me the strength I needed. He gave me the confidence I needed. I hope that somewhere during summer camp I was able to give him these things as well. 

I still have the silly bands he gave to me.  They are wrapped around my parking brake in my car, always a reminder that I am a teacher and that I should be one. Marquillis saw it in me & I need to see it in myself.

Hurt Little Girl

I recently went out for coffee with someone who used to be my closest friend in the entire world.  He used to know everything about me. He used to understand me. However, time and circumstance have separated us in nearly every manner possible, yet I attempted to get together with him to catch up, as he was always asking me to every time he was in the area. 

He said he had been keeping up with me by reading my blog posts.  I was shocked to even hear that he cared that much.  But then he went on to tell me that I sounded like a "hurt little girl" in my entries.  I didn't get angry when he told me this, but I did get a bit defensive. 

I am not a hurt little girl.

Yes, I have been hurt in the past, and especially hurt a few months ago.  However, I am good. I feel stronger and more independent than I ever have. I stood up for myself and my beliefs in this past relationship and even though I did desperately want it to work out, it didn't. I grieved [as you have read], I've thought deeply about everything that occurred, tried to make sense of it all, and to be honest I really do feel good about it all. I thought things would turn out differently, but really I do feel great.

Sometimes I feel lonely, but I was lonely even when I was dating Maj. So nothing has changed there. But I have put all my energies into creating a better self that the hurt little girl within me has disappeared.  She might be still lingering...a mere 3-5% left within me, but I think that is normal now that I am 24.

I mean let's face it. If you're in your mid-20s and you are still single there is a pretty good chance you have been hurt at least once before by someone you loved [or thought you loved].  Scars, some of them at least, never heal permanently.  That scar tissue is always present. You're not like Wolverine- your injuries don't disappear and seem as though they never occurred. 

Yet, there is a big difference between 3-5% and being characterized as a "hurt little girl." And if he still thinks I am after my defense at coffee and reading this...then I can't help him. I simply know how I feel. And I feel wonderful.

A Fresh Start

Ah yes, its January.  And that means I have been avoiding the gym for the past week due to the fact that so many people make it their New Years Resolution to get back into shape, get healthier...which means my machine is constantly occupied.

However, I went back today, and it made me think about how wonderful it is to have a fresh start.  A fresh start to me, means whipping the slate clean. Erasing the mistakes you've made; perhaps some nasty things that you've done or said; learning from the past and vowing not do have a do over.

The great thing about fresh starts...they don't only come around once a year. They can come around whenever you deem them necessary for you to have a happy, full life. 

Fresh starts can come around on January 1.  They can occur after a messy-breakup-healing process is complete. A fresh start can begin on Tuesday...simply because you weren't ready on Monday.  It can happen when you move to a new city.  When you start a new job. When you attend a new school.

Possibilities of when a fresh start can occur are endless. And I think that is what is so refreshing about them.  There is no "date" they have to occur.  They can happen simply because you've decided you need a fresh start. 

To Not Being Such A Girl

So one of my more private resolutions that I have for this year is about trying to act less like a girl.  I didn't share it with you, because I didn't share some of my other resolutions [like making my bed every morning, etc].  However, I told my friend Sean about the resolution and he thinks I should stay the way I am. Which is why I am now writing about it. Why I need to act less like a girl in 2011.

This is what I mean.  Girls tend to over analyze everything! We see something posted on Facebook and we call up our friends to have them help us dissect what it could possibly mean about our bf, the guy we're seeing, an ex, etc. Same goes for text messages and voice mails.  How many times have you had a friend listen to a voicemail left by a guy or forwarded a text sent by the man in question just to get another viewpoint on what must really be going on behind closed doors [aka: in his head]?!?!

I have done it way too many times to count. Way too many times to be ashamed of.  And this year, I just want to take most of what a guy says to me at face value and how I take it at first glance.  Do I see what he says as flirting and joking around with me? Yes? Ok, good, no need to get all the girls on the phone to see what their take is. They don't know him, his humor, or the humor that we share together. 

This is not to say I will not talk to my friends about the guy I am seeing. No, I'm simply referring to stop being such a girl by dissecting every word that is exchanged. 

The second part of being a girl is thinking that I need constant day-to-day communication with the guy I'm seeing. Is this really necessary? Do I really care what he is up to? I mean, to an extent yea, of course, but at the same time I don't really need to know that he is having a boring day at work.  Do I wanna hear about him remodeling his house? Sure! At least that gives me an insight into him and his personality when he talks about how he envisions the final product that he's created. 

Moreover, does he really need to hear about how I recently, seriously cleaned the crap out of my house? How I organized every surface and every piece of paper in my possession? No, not really. I'd just rather have him come over and see my final product.  I mean we aren't married here; he doesn't need to know every detail of my life and I don't need to know every detail of his.

The third part is to not stress over that guy I'm seeing. This right here is not my strong point- EVER. As my best guy friend, Nate, has pointed out over the years, I'm just not content unless I'm worrying about something. Unfortunately he is right. I don't let things just flow and run their course. Instead, I will construct a dam to stop them from happening, I will place sandbags on the river bank so there is no flood, and I will quickly, fervently dig a tributary so that things go my way. That's just the way I am. I chalk it up to being a typical Type A personality.

So this year, I'm trying to release. I'm trying not to control. I'm trying to be chill. Trying. I'm not perfect at it, but I'm putting effort into it.  I'm trying to let things go slow. For them to evolve as naturally as they can [I do put some effort into this, but for the most part I am relinquishing all my control freak tendencies].

Hopefully, after all this effort I'll get my birthday wish...

Bombarded with Advice

Going through Barnes & Nobles yesterday I stumbled upon a realization as I walked into the "Relationship" section of the store.  What was the realization?! That all these books are telling us how we are supposed to play the dating game; how we are supposed to act in order to land a man; who is going to be our Mr. Right. I even picked up one of these books [Why Men Loves Bitches to be exact, because Kim always tells me I need to read it].

What I also realized is that even within one book there is conflicting information.  Moreover, many of these guidelines that are floating out there in "relationship-wanted" space differ from how I would view you are supposed to treat someone once you are in a relationship.  Is it really that difficult? Do we really need this much guidance? Should we really analyze and scrutinize every moment, word, gesture, and deed that occurs when you are just starting to date someone?

Simply, I don't think it is all so necessary.

While I definitely think some of the points made in the books are valid and should be something that both men and women follow when they are dating someone, I also feel like these things shouldn't only occur at the outset of dating.

For instance, having your own life and your own hobbies is a valid thing to come from these books. Its important to stress to women to create their own identity and keep it; before, during, and after a man comes into their life.  This I have not always done, I will admit. But I have definitely gotten much better at it as I have gotten older.  It's even caused a breakup. 

Treating an asshole the way he deserves to be treated, ditto. Give him hell if the situation warrants it and never talk to him again!

However, the advice that tells you not to be nice to the guy you are seeing- to be a bitch to him, I really don't think it is going to make men like you anymore. Yea, maybe not be a doormat, but if the guy asks you to pick something up on your way over, are you being taken advantage of if you do it, or are you simply being yourself and doing a kind gesture for someone you like? [I think the latter.] If it was a girlfriend that asked you to do this favor, no one would have a problem with it, but when it comes to a man, apparently the rules [in some books] are completely flip-flopped.  [Yet if you notice in the article about the 5 secrets, one of the "secrets" is to treat your man as though he was a friend...see no consensus.]

Perhaps this is just my justification. What do I know?! I'm single, so apparently something isn't working perfectly.  I am nice to the guy I am seeing.  I'm a kind person in general, but I guess I am a bit nicer to the guy I'm seeing.  Or at the very least I try to make it obvious that he is getting treated a little differently then how I treat some random guy on the street that I'm not spending my time with.  I don't [typically, but have on occasion] do anything for him that I wouldn't do for a friend.  According to Why Men Love Bitches, I am failing on some aspects, but passing in others. 

Oi vie! As Scarlett O'Hara gripped, "Why does a girl have to be so silly to catch a husband?"

Dream Kitchen

Beehive Kitchenware

If you knew me growing up- including college- you would know that I never was one to be in the kitchen, learning how to cook from my momma. In fact, I avoided the kitchen at all costs. However somewhere during highschool, I started to fall in love with creating the ideas that would comprise of the kitchen of my dreams.

It was in highschool that I picked out my china pattern for my future kitchen. Colonial print- Weeping Willow, that was the exact same pattern my grandma had bought in a Barbie doll sized plate set for me before the age of 6.  In fact, the set of china is resting in my ceder chest, waiting for the day to be utilized! Then came the addition of pewter accents to the dream kitchen. 

And today, I have found something else that I wish to include...this pewter bird measuring spoon set/decor.  Bliss. Perfection. My Dream Kitchen. :)