As a youthful 20something society we are wedding obsessed. I was the girl who claimed I didn't care about all that fussy, materialistic, Hallmark-driven accouterments on my wedding day. I claimed that all I wanted was the man who was promising to love me, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part. None of that other "stuff" was important; just him and me against the world.
But then I was proposed to. I got that beautiful diamond ring. Then we started thinking about the wedding. If we had be able to get married at the court house, not the jail, like we thought, none of this wedding stuff would have had to have been planned. Maybe then I wouldn't have become wedding obsessed.
The planning had started out innocently enough. I had only wanted to have my dad walk me down the aisle and dance with him at the reception (which Maj and I aptly named wedding celebration, not reception). But then came the flowers, the centerpieces, the tables & chairs, the tent, the church, the favors, the food, the cake, the music, photographer, the wedding party, the dress. What I didn't want to have was the bachelorette party, shower, wedding registry, engagement party, or engagement photos. I thought all that stuff was silly; that it wasn't necessary.
In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "The wedding got bigger than Big." In my case, the same was true. The wedding had become bigger than Maj. No matter how little money we spent on the occasion, I was in charge of many of the decisions, arranging for things that don't really matter in a marriage, and things I always claimed I'd never get involved in. I think that freaked him out & made him angry. Much of what I cared about was this one day in my life. Maj still mattered but there was tunnel vision on October 2.
Why? Why is the wedding day, the occasion, so important? Why is it the focal point of the happily ever after story? Why do even the girls who claim they don't want all that hoopla, end up falling in love with planning the special day?
Is it part of fitting in with all the other couples who have come before you and enjoyed those things? Is it about setting yourself apart from those who are unengaged and unmarried? Is it about status?
Unfortunately, I don't have the answer. But what I have realized throughout the whole wedding planning ordeal is that, I really would like some traditional wedding hoopla. Even the stuff I dismissed.
- I want a bachelorette party/outing with all my wonderful friends. It doesn't have to be Vegas style, just a great day & night with my favorite girls.
- I would like a shower. It means a lot to all my aunts and my mother to throw me a wedding shower and give me gifts to help create a new home and new life with Mr. Bryan.
- I still want my dad to walk me down the aisle. And I still have the song picked out for our Father/Daughter dance.
Every chapter should start with a hopeful, happy line that you hope to permeate throughout the remainder of the book. Same should be had on the wedding day. And if doing all the silly, materialistic mixed with traditional family & friend time, means I have let the wedding get a little big, maybe that's how it is supposed to be.
Mr. Bryan will just have to understand. And he will. Because he will truly love and understand me.
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