I turn 24 in a few days. New Years Eve to be exact. So since I'll be turning one year shy of my mid-life crisis, I feel like I should have some amazing before I turn 25. I don't know if they are amazing but these are my goals for my birthday.
1. Rock my student teaching semester. Conquer it. Learn. Become a better teacher.
2. Make a palpable difference in a student's life. [off my Before I'm 30 blog list]
3. Spoil my nephew and little cousins. [off my Before I'm 30 blog list]
4. Take way too many pictures. [off my Before I'm 30 blog list]
5. Reseach. [off my Before I'm 30 blog list]
6. Finish my novel that I just started to really work on.
7. Apply! Apply! Apply! for teaching jobs & land one! :-)
8. Try to be less needy. [Although I am the world's most affectionate creature, akin to a golden retriever or a barnacle]
9. Take more me time to devote to things I love, like reading and my other guilty pleasures.
10. Treat my mom to something really fabulous. [Not sure what yet, but something awesome. She deserves it.]
11. Cook/bake at least 10 new recipes that I have in my recipe scrapbook.
12. Do at least one random act of kindness each week. Shoot for day, but at the minimum it should be week.
13. Try to let my friends talk to me about their issues. Don't always feel like I need to dominate the conversation with my concerns.
14. Become a better listener. Stop interrupting people when they are speaking.
15. Gain a more professional demeanor.
16. Read at least 5 new historical works. Read at least 5 chick lit/books-for-me.
17. Try 24 new beers, rather than the old standbys.
18. Keep my room organized. Consistently.
19. Reduce spending money for beverages and shakes at coffee shops or the gym to once a month. This will be a treat only!
20. Keep my car cleaner. Inside and outside.
21. Gain more confidence in myself in every aspect of my life. It couldn't hurt.
22. See Luke, Lady A, and Dierks in concert.
23. Trust my gut.
24. Bring my 1.5mile time down from 13:30 to 12:00.
In Teacher College we're told that if a student verbalizes their goals to at least one person they are more likely to accomplish these goals. Here I am, verbalizing my goals to my readers. Better hold me accountable!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
5 Secrets
Apparently there are only 5 key things to making a man fall in love with you.
1. Share an activity
2. Cheer him on
3. Let him be himself
4. Tell him what you think
5. Give him his space
Now the full article can be found at: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=6057&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=722004
1. Cooking, going to the gym, hiking, etc. I've tried to do these things with previous boyfriends. They didn't want to do something new with me. I've asked. I've tried. They want me to cook for them. They don't want to be part of the process. They don't want to go to the gym with me, because that means they have to wait for me to finish with my cardio and weights. I've never been able to work towards a common goal with any of these guys I've been with.
2. Cheer him on? I used to go to almost every single game my ex boyfriend played. I encouraged Maj before he went to Soldier of the Month Board. I knew he could do it, and I told him so. I love telling the guys I'm dating what I think they look good in, because then they will wear it more [which is a good thing for me, right?].
3. I have never tried to change a man. In fact I told Maj's mother that I do not take on projects. I don't want to change you. I don't want you to change me. I want to accept you for who you are, and I want you to accept me for who I am [your typical, type A, organized, anal, personality, that likes to plan things days in advance].
4. You're not a mind reader. Neither am I. Got it. Please don't read my mind...its better that way!
5. Space. Ok, I got it. But at what point do you draw the line on space? This is the one I have the most issue with. I have had boyfriends who wanted to attach themselves at my hip and it drove me crazy. I had others where I wouldn't hear from them for days, which drove me crazy. How much space is space? How much space is signaling that "He's just not that into you?"
I really have no conclusion that I have been able to reach and share with you on this one. I am conflicted. It only take 5 things? Really?!?
If it only takes these 5 things to make him fall in love with you, then how many secrets are there to get him to notice you, date you, and become your boyfriend?
1. Share an activity
2. Cheer him on
3. Let him be himself
4. Tell him what you think
5. Give him his space
Now the full article can be found at: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=6057&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=722004
1. Cooking, going to the gym, hiking, etc. I've tried to do these things with previous boyfriends. They didn't want to do something new with me. I've asked. I've tried. They want me to cook for them. They don't want to be part of the process. They don't want to go to the gym with me, because that means they have to wait for me to finish with my cardio and weights. I've never been able to work towards a common goal with any of these guys I've been with.
2. Cheer him on? I used to go to almost every single game my ex boyfriend played. I encouraged Maj before he went to Soldier of the Month Board. I knew he could do it, and I told him so. I love telling the guys I'm dating what I think they look good in, because then they will wear it more [which is a good thing for me, right?].
3. I have never tried to change a man. In fact I told Maj's mother that I do not take on projects. I don't want to change you. I don't want you to change me. I want to accept you for who you are, and I want you to accept me for who I am [your typical, type A, organized, anal, personality, that likes to plan things days in advance].
4. You're not a mind reader. Neither am I. Got it. Please don't read my mind...its better that way!
5. Space. Ok, I got it. But at what point do you draw the line on space? This is the one I have the most issue with. I have had boyfriends who wanted to attach themselves at my hip and it drove me crazy. I had others where I wouldn't hear from them for days, which drove me crazy. How much space is space? How much space is signaling that "He's just not that into you?"
I really have no conclusion that I have been able to reach and share with you on this one. I am conflicted. It only take 5 things? Really?!?
If it only takes these 5 things to make him fall in love with you, then how many secrets are there to get him to notice you, date you, and become your boyfriend?
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wingman
I used to think I was strong enough to handle things on my own. I used to think I could deal with all my issues and emotions on my own. I didn't need to burden my friends with asking them for help. I never used to ask for help.
But this year I have learned and started to recognize how awesome it is when you have someone out there to watch your back.
One of the first examples of it, that I really noticed was during my littlest brother's wrestling tournament. Vic and Brian have been best friends since they were in first grade together. They play football and wrestle together for our high school. They take care of each other. If you've ever been to a wrestling tournament with a dozen different schools, with at least 4 mats for matches, you know how chaotic the atmosphere is. Yet through it all, Vic and Brian have each other's back. Vic will stand behind the coaches and watch Brian's matches. He will grab Brian's iPod, Gatorade, and shirt that he threw down before the match started and bring it to him. Brian does the same thing for him. It has always been like that between the two of them during wrestling season. They are the only two on the team that I see do this so diligently. They are attuned to each other's needs.
I experienced it for myself when I was at Basic Training. D'Aprile was my bunk mate and from the very first day we were starting to watch each other's backs. Honestly, at BMT two heads and eyes were better than one. You got your stuff together more efficiently. You got in trouble less because you and your stuff was squared away. This was most closely seen when our first locker inspection occurred and both of us received demerits for the same way we rolled our tan t-shirts. There was no way I was going to let her fall, and she wasn't going to let me.
I think it's important to have one person in your life that is your Wingman, battle buddy. Even though you don't use them all the time and for every crisis, you know that if you need them, they have your back. It's an inexplicable bond that you can't fully understand until it happens to you. In a way, I think they come into your life when you are in desperate need of them. And once they are in your life, they won't ever leave.
But this year I have learned and started to recognize how awesome it is when you have someone out there to watch your back.
One of the first examples of it, that I really noticed was during my littlest brother's wrestling tournament. Vic and Brian have been best friends since they were in first grade together. They play football and wrestle together for our high school. They take care of each other. If you've ever been to a wrestling tournament with a dozen different schools, with at least 4 mats for matches, you know how chaotic the atmosphere is. Yet through it all, Vic and Brian have each other's back. Vic will stand behind the coaches and watch Brian's matches. He will grab Brian's iPod, Gatorade, and shirt that he threw down before the match started and bring it to him. Brian does the same thing for him. It has always been like that between the two of them during wrestling season. They are the only two on the team that I see do this so diligently. They are attuned to each other's needs.
I experienced it for myself when I was at Basic Training. D'Aprile was my bunk mate and from the very first day we were starting to watch each other's backs. Honestly, at BMT two heads and eyes were better than one. You got your stuff together more efficiently. You got in trouble less because you and your stuff was squared away. This was most closely seen when our first locker inspection occurred and both of us received demerits for the same way we rolled our tan t-shirts. There was no way I was going to let her fall, and she wasn't going to let me.
I think it's important to have one person in your life that is your Wingman, battle buddy. Even though you don't use them all the time and for every crisis, you know that if you need them, they have your back. It's an inexplicable bond that you can't fully understand until it happens to you. In a way, I think they come into your life when you are in desperate need of them. And once they are in your life, they won't ever leave.
Kind Of Pretty I Like
As you are probably already aware, I am in love with Luke Bryan! I think he is an amazing country artist. He writes almost every single song on his albums. I think his voice is beautifully charming. His music sooths my soul, no matter what kind of mood I am in.
This is one of my new favorite songs from him. I am hoping it is on his new album in 2011! It's called "Kind of Pretty I Like."
This is one of my new favorite songs from him. I am hoping it is on his new album in 2011! It's called "Kind of Pretty I Like."
The reason I love this song so much is because its something I have always wanted. I am not the most beautiful woman in the world...I wish, but I wanna be the kind of pretty my man likes.
What woman doesn't want to know that her man still thinks she is sexy no matter what she is wearing? How can you not want a guy to fall in love with you while you are messing with the radio in his truck?
I'm a simple girl. I like simple things. Luke's song is about a guy still being crazy about his girl when she is doing normal, everyday, simple things. It makes me smile. :-)
My Bible
I have tried in my life to become closer with God. I was raised Lutheran, went to church, Sunday school, and all that jazz growing up. However I've never been able to really entrench myself in having complete faith in God. I was never able to turn to the Bible for help or guidance when I was going through a rough time-- including Basic Training. If there ever was a time when I was seeking extra strength and perseverance it was then. Yet, I couldn't find what I was looking for. I've bought and tried to read The Purpose Driven Life. But I can't relate to it. I feel like a fake reading it.
I feel that I need to understand the here and now. Eternity, I don't have to try to understand. I get it. It's going to be more love and joy that I've ever experienced. I don't have to worry about that. What I do need to concern myself with, at least I feel, is making sense and making calm with the here and now.
So my "Bible" has become Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love. She doesn't have all the answers. And I don't go to her, looking to find the answers or solutions to my problems. But I read this book over and over again because she makes me feel like I am not alone in my search for more. She makes me feel as though I am not the only "normal" person who has all these different facets of her personality, who can go through 500 emotions in one day, and still live a "normal" life. Reading this book, I am not alone. I have her words, her struggles, her thoughts and emotions that mirror many of mine to find solace in.
I keep her book on the table beside my bed. There are underlined passages. I pick it up and turn to certain parts when I need something to comfort me. I don't read the book cover to cover. I just read it now for what I need.
Gilbert talks about so many different things in this book. Love, friendships, understanding your relationships, divorce, breaking up, searching for God in any form, seeking balance, not being able to shut off her mind, family, work, culture, traveling the world, prayer...
For me, it is easier to relate to Eat Pray Love than it is the Bible. Yes, they encompass many of the same areas, but Gilbert writes about it in a way that makes sense to me. Her words touch my heart. Her words about God and prayer touch my heart.
So maybe I am sacrilegious. Maybe I shouldn't say that Eat Pray Love is my Bible. But I don't know what else to call it.
Like Gilbert I firmly believe that God dwells within you, as you. I have a close relationship with God. We talk. He knows me [I'm still trying to fully understand myself]. And if it were truly necessary for me to find the solace and guidance I need in order to understand myself and the world I live in within the text of His Book, then I think He would bless me with that ability. However, He hasn't [yet?]. Instead, I feel He is blessing me by allowing me to find it through the words of someone else.
As Gilbert writes, "...If God wanted me to be a shy girl with thick, dark hair, He would have made me that way, but He didn't. Useful, then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein." (192)
I feel that I need to understand the here and now. Eternity, I don't have to try to understand. I get it. It's going to be more love and joy that I've ever experienced. I don't have to worry about that. What I do need to concern myself with, at least I feel, is making sense and making calm with the here and now.
So my "Bible" has become Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love. She doesn't have all the answers. And I don't go to her, looking to find the answers or solutions to my problems. But I read this book over and over again because she makes me feel like I am not alone in my search for more. She makes me feel as though I am not the only "normal" person who has all these different facets of her personality, who can go through 500 emotions in one day, and still live a "normal" life. Reading this book, I am not alone. I have her words, her struggles, her thoughts and emotions that mirror many of mine to find solace in.
I keep her book on the table beside my bed. There are underlined passages. I pick it up and turn to certain parts when I need something to comfort me. I don't read the book cover to cover. I just read it now for what I need.
Gilbert talks about so many different things in this book. Love, friendships, understanding your relationships, divorce, breaking up, searching for God in any form, seeking balance, not being able to shut off her mind, family, work, culture, traveling the world, prayer...
For me, it is easier to relate to Eat Pray Love than it is the Bible. Yes, they encompass many of the same areas, but Gilbert writes about it in a way that makes sense to me. Her words touch my heart. Her words about God and prayer touch my heart.
So maybe I am sacrilegious. Maybe I shouldn't say that Eat Pray Love is my Bible. But I don't know what else to call it.
Like Gilbert I firmly believe that God dwells within you, as you. I have a close relationship with God. We talk. He knows me [I'm still trying to fully understand myself]. And if it were truly necessary for me to find the solace and guidance I need in order to understand myself and the world I live in within the text of His Book, then I think He would bless me with that ability. However, He hasn't [yet?]. Instead, I feel He is blessing me by allowing me to find it through the words of someone else.
As Gilbert writes, "...If God wanted me to be a shy girl with thick, dark hair, He would have made me that way, but He didn't. Useful, then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein." (192)
What I've Learned...
I have learned that it is important to get things back from exes...immediately after breaking up. Like STAT. Time now. You might think its not a big deal or its too much of a hassle to have to deal with them and their attitude (and yours) at that current moment when the feelings of being broken up are still fresh, but do it.
If you don't this is what might happen to you:
You know that senior thesis you worked sooooo hard on in undergrad. The one you spent over a year doing research on, traveling all over the east coast to do research on in archives. The one you defended doctorate style to your two professors. The one that earned you an A. The one that you lent to your significant other while he was in Iraq because he said he wanted to read it. The bound and print-shop copy that you had of your senior thesis...
Yea, he threw it out after you broke up.
And only had the balls to tell you that when you asked for it back a few months later, because you thought it would be best if you let tensions cool between the two of you before you asked for him to mail you your things back.
Interestingly enough he didn't throw away the clothes that you bought him for when he returned from Iraq. Nope, Facebook pictures prove that those he still wears quite frequently. Including on Christmas. Funny, I thought he hated me. Why would he wear anything that I ever touched? Probably should have burned that stuff with lighter fluid.
But your senior thesis, something [I would think] a normal person might see and be like, "this isn't mine, she probably would want this back. I know she worked extremely hard on it" despite all the anger and hatred they have for you might have set it aside or sent it back.
For the record, if the tables had been turned I would have sent his senior thesis back, no matter how much I hated him. Somewhere along the line I learned empathy.
So get your stuff back ASAP. Because that ladder, target, DVDs, etc. might not have a long shelf life after your relationship expires. It's the principle of getting your belongings back...not gifts. Just what is yours.
If you don't this is what might happen to you:
You know that senior thesis you worked sooooo hard on in undergrad. The one you spent over a year doing research on, traveling all over the east coast to do research on in archives. The one you defended doctorate style to your two professors. The one that earned you an A. The one that you lent to your significant other while he was in Iraq because he said he wanted to read it. The bound and print-shop copy that you had of your senior thesis...
Yea, he threw it out after you broke up.
And only had the balls to tell you that when you asked for it back a few months later, because you thought it would be best if you let tensions cool between the two of you before you asked for him to mail you your things back.
Interestingly enough he didn't throw away the clothes that you bought him for when he returned from Iraq. Nope, Facebook pictures prove that those he still wears quite frequently. Including on Christmas. Funny, I thought he hated me. Why would he wear anything that I ever touched? Probably should have burned that stuff with lighter fluid.
But your senior thesis, something [I would think] a normal person might see and be like, "this isn't mine, she probably would want this back. I know she worked extremely hard on it" despite all the anger and hatred they have for you might have set it aside or sent it back.
For the record, if the tables had been turned I would have sent his senior thesis back, no matter how much I hated him. Somewhere along the line I learned empathy.
So get your stuff back ASAP. Because that ladder, target, DVDs, etc. might not have a long shelf life after your relationship expires. It's the principle of getting your belongings back...not gifts. Just what is yours.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Online Dating
I succumbed to online dating. I'll admit it. There were very few men in the gene pool of Western New York that I was meeting when I went out, so I was encouraged by my best friend to try online dating. So I did. I signed up on okcupid.com because I refused to pay for something before I tried it out; before I knew whether or not I was really interested in trying it out.
Turns out it wasn't an awful experience, but it wasn't a good one either. I think it has to do with me being old fashioned in dating still, not feeling completely hopeless [yet], and the fact that I wasn't seeing anyone I'd be interested in for more than a few hours.
The Good
Turns out, you aren't the only one in the world who is lonely, looking for love, not seeming to find it even though all your friends have. Apparently there are a whole bunch of us squirming around the city! And sometimes its a comforting thing to see that. Tangible evidence is always a plus.
Not every guy on there was a creeper. I did in fact meet a pretty decent guy. He wasn't right for me, but he was not psycho, nor did he have two heads. He was normal, laid back, liked football and beer, and had a job at Gieco. Pretty standard normal stuff, which is nice.
It's easier to reject someone online than it is at the bar. At least for me. If a guy has the courage to come up to me while I'm out feel a sense of obligation to give him my number [unless of course he is rude or perverted]. I mean, it takes a lot of gumption to come over and talk to a complete stranger. I don't do it often. Online, if I'm not interested and I don't show interest, I don't feel so bad. [Yes, I'm a little bit of a horrible person, I realize that.]
The Bad
From my experience some guys just want to use the dating site as a way to date you. I can be considered high maintenance; I like being taken out on dates. I like meeting people in person. I viewed Okcupid as a mutual friend or the virtual bar. You learn some quick facts about this person and weigh whether or not you want to go on a date- even just coffee! You don't stay at the bar for days on end trying to get to know the person inside and out before you decide whether or not you want to see this person [in the flesh]. I understand not wanting to take out every woman you talk to, but that's why you should know what you are looking for. Ask those questions; seek those answers out first. If those responses are acceptable to you, go get in line at Starbucks and have a real conversation!
The Ugly
Similar to The Bad is guys asking you why you don't list every detail or every thought about yourself online. Uhhh, because I prefer actual conversation. Because I like meeting people and spending time with them to see if there is chemistry. A profile can sound great. You can be Mr. Wonderful...but if I don't like your voice, or your teeth, or the way you smell [you get the idea] then it ain't gonna happen. I don't care how many of my Mr. Right boxes are checked off based on what you wrote on your profile. [Sometimes those antiquated ideas of chemistry and hygiene aren't just something George and Martha Washington were able to use to their advantage. Even in 2010, I think they are applicable and necessary to the start of any courtship.]
Then there were the even uglier comments that were made to me when I first started talking to some guys. The fitness comment that was written in the "All righty Cupid" entry about fitting his member in my mouth. Yeah, that was made to me. Not exactly happy about that ever being muttered to me...via text message.
So maybe others have luck finding love on the Internet. My cousin met her husband at an online dating site. I don't knock it. I tried it. It just isn't for me. At least not at this juncture in my life. I do, however think it would be a good way to meet people if you relocate to a place where you don't know anyone...and are tired of going to the movies alone.
I have, however, since deleted my profile.
Turns out it wasn't an awful experience, but it wasn't a good one either. I think it has to do with me being old fashioned in dating still, not feeling completely hopeless [yet], and the fact that I wasn't seeing anyone I'd be interested in for more than a few hours.
The Good
Turns out, you aren't the only one in the world who is lonely, looking for love, not seeming to find it even though all your friends have. Apparently there are a whole bunch of us squirming around the city! And sometimes its a comforting thing to see that. Tangible evidence is always a plus.
Not every guy on there was a creeper. I did in fact meet a pretty decent guy. He wasn't right for me, but he was not psycho, nor did he have two heads. He was normal, laid back, liked football and beer, and had a job at Gieco. Pretty standard normal stuff, which is nice.
It's easier to reject someone online than it is at the bar. At least for me. If a guy has the courage to come up to me while I'm out feel a sense of obligation to give him my number [unless of course he is rude or perverted]. I mean, it takes a lot of gumption to come over and talk to a complete stranger. I don't do it often. Online, if I'm not interested and I don't show interest, I don't feel so bad. [Yes, I'm a little bit of a horrible person, I realize that.]
The Bad
From my experience some guys just want to use the dating site as a way to date you. I can be considered high maintenance; I like being taken out on dates. I like meeting people in person. I viewed Okcupid as a mutual friend or the virtual bar. You learn some quick facts about this person and weigh whether or not you want to go on a date- even just coffee! You don't stay at the bar for days on end trying to get to know the person inside and out before you decide whether or not you want to see this person [in the flesh]. I understand not wanting to take out every woman you talk to, but that's why you should know what you are looking for. Ask those questions; seek those answers out first. If those responses are acceptable to you, go get in line at Starbucks and have a real conversation!
The Ugly
Similar to The Bad is guys asking you why you don't list every detail or every thought about yourself online. Uhhh, because I prefer actual conversation. Because I like meeting people and spending time with them to see if there is chemistry. A profile can sound great. You can be Mr. Wonderful...but if I don't like your voice, or your teeth, or the way you smell [you get the idea] then it ain't gonna happen. I don't care how many of my Mr. Right boxes are checked off based on what you wrote on your profile. [Sometimes those antiquated ideas of chemistry and hygiene aren't just something George and Martha Washington were able to use to their advantage. Even in 2010, I think they are applicable and necessary to the start of any courtship.]
Then there were the even uglier comments that were made to me when I first started talking to some guys. The fitness comment that was written in the "All righty Cupid" entry about fitting his member in my mouth. Yeah, that was made to me. Not exactly happy about that ever being muttered to me...via text message.
So maybe others have luck finding love on the Internet. My cousin met her husband at an online dating site. I don't knock it. I tried it. It just isn't for me. At least not at this juncture in my life. I do, however think it would be a good way to meet people if you relocate to a place where you don't know anyone...and are tired of going to the movies alone.
I have, however, since deleted my profile.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
A Year In Review
Well 2010 sure has been an interesting year for me! It has many ups and down, many fond memories, many challenges, many new undertakings, many instances I'd like to forget. However rather than focus on the good, bad, or ugly of the year, I want to focus on what I have learned. Hopefully some of the knowledge I've learned, about myself and about people will stick and I'll be able to build upon it in 2011.
1. I learned that I like to feel needed. In fact, I feed off of this feeling. I never realized it before, but I think that is why I have long searched for a boyfriend in which I can feel I am a majorly important asset in their life. This is also, now why I think teaching is probably going to be a great profession for me. Who needs someone in their life more than middle-high school students? Who needs someone who they feel can relate to them, but offer some guidance based on their age (and the wisdom that accompanies that)? I have felt so happy when I am at school and I see that the students (even if it is just one of them) needs me in some capacity.
2. I have learned that I am strong. Emotionally and physically. The physical part is pretty surprising since I'm only 5'1" and weigh less than 115 pounds. But I am tough. I mean, I'm no guy, but I am strong for my stature. Emotionally, I'd have to thank two experiences this past year: Basic & Maj's deployment. I've learned how to handle my emotions better- not perfectly, just better. I've learned how to be strong, not let people's comments always bother me. "Brush it off and move on" is the best piece of advice my MTI ever gave me.
3. I am more self-less than I thought I was. I enjoy making people happy. I love traveling to see my friends because I know it means a lot to them.
4. I really am superstitious about certain things! But that my superstitions are my way of my gut trying to send a message to me.
5. Stress = L.G. L.G. = stress. That's what I do. I stress about things that are important to me. I stress about things I have put a lot of time, energy, dedication, and have been working towards. If someone can't accept that about me, that that is what I do, then they shouldn't try to date me. I mean who really wants to see that after years of hard work and steadfastness that your dreams don't actually come to fruition. Well, I guess someone who isn't as driven as me...moving on!
6. I learned that sometimes stress isn't necessary. Some things in life should be stressed about, but others should not. That paper for that grad class is only worth 10 points, get it done and hand it in. Don't stress about something that doesn't reflect your whole student persona (or whole persona in general). Prioritize the stress.
7. I realized that I am the definition of multi-faceted. I have an interesting story. I have varied interests. I am not just the girl next door. I am the girl next door who loves be front row at a Luke Bryan concert, who loves to travel, who loves to write, who loves to see new places and experience new things, who likes be different from every other girl, who can do 50 push ups in 60 seconds, who likes to weld and bake. Yeah, that's who I am. I'm all over the spectrum. I am what I call the jack-of-all-personality-traits. I am not boring. I am not a stock character. I'm all over the spectrum- and I love that about myself.
8. Canadians and Americans are very different people. We are similar, but we are very different. So anyone who claims that Canada is "little America" or the "51st state," needs to check themselves and hang out with some Canadians...for like 6 months...in grad school. You will learn how different we are.
I know there are more. But that's the major things I have learned this year. Think about all that you have done this year...what can you realize about yourself from those events and feelings in the past year.
New Years isn't just a time of setting new goals for the new year. It should be about looking at the past, so maybe it doesn't continue to repeat itself, and so that you can learn something about yourself.
Happy New Year!
1. I learned that I like to feel needed. In fact, I feed off of this feeling. I never realized it before, but I think that is why I have long searched for a boyfriend in which I can feel I am a majorly important asset in their life. This is also, now why I think teaching is probably going to be a great profession for me. Who needs someone in their life more than middle-high school students? Who needs someone who they feel can relate to them, but offer some guidance based on their age (and the wisdom that accompanies that)? I have felt so happy when I am at school and I see that the students (even if it is just one of them) needs me in some capacity.
2. I have learned that I am strong. Emotionally and physically. The physical part is pretty surprising since I'm only 5'1" and weigh less than 115 pounds. But I am tough. I mean, I'm no guy, but I am strong for my stature. Emotionally, I'd have to thank two experiences this past year: Basic & Maj's deployment. I've learned how to handle my emotions better- not perfectly, just better. I've learned how to be strong, not let people's comments always bother me. "Brush it off and move on" is the best piece of advice my MTI ever gave me.
3. I am more self-less than I thought I was. I enjoy making people happy. I love traveling to see my friends because I know it means a lot to them.
4. I really am superstitious about certain things! But that my superstitions are my way of my gut trying to send a message to me.
5. Stress = L.G. L.G. = stress. That's what I do. I stress about things that are important to me. I stress about things I have put a lot of time, energy, dedication, and have been working towards. If someone can't accept that about me, that that is what I do, then they shouldn't try to date me. I mean who really wants to see that after years of hard work and steadfastness that your dreams don't actually come to fruition. Well, I guess someone who isn't as driven as me...moving on!
6. I learned that sometimes stress isn't necessary. Some things in life should be stressed about, but others should not. That paper for that grad class is only worth 10 points, get it done and hand it in. Don't stress about something that doesn't reflect your whole student persona (or whole persona in general). Prioritize the stress.
7. I realized that I am the definition of multi-faceted. I have an interesting story. I have varied interests. I am not just the girl next door. I am the girl next door who loves be front row at a Luke Bryan concert, who loves to travel, who loves to write, who loves to see new places and experience new things, who likes be different from every other girl, who can do 50 push ups in 60 seconds, who likes to weld and bake. Yeah, that's who I am. I'm all over the spectrum. I am what I call the jack-of-all-personality-traits. I am not boring. I am not a stock character. I'm all over the spectrum- and I love that about myself.
8. Canadians and Americans are very different people. We are similar, but we are very different. So anyone who claims that Canada is "little America" or the "51st state," needs to check themselves and hang out with some Canadians...for like 6 months...in grad school. You will learn how different we are.
I know there are more. But that's the major things I have learned this year. Think about all that you have done this year...what can you realize about yourself from those events and feelings in the past year.
New Years isn't just a time of setting new goals for the new year. It should be about looking at the past, so maybe it doesn't continue to repeat itself, and so that you can learn something about yourself.
Happy New Year!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Ex-Girlfriends
One thing I have always been insecure and anxious about are ex-girlfriends. I have never been able to be comfortable with the idea that my boyfriend is friends with his ex.
Now, in a perfect world, that does sounds great, right? They couldn't work it out romantically, but the bond was still there and its strictly platonic. Hell, there have been time I'd have killed to be friends with my exes. Well, some of them anyhow.
But the truth is, I don't talk to any of the guys who were my serious boyfriends. In fact, I only talk to one guy that I ever even dated and its not on a regular basis. Even when I want to be friends with them, they don't want to be friends with me. So that's why I feel I am partially anxious about the whole relationship.
I mean, where, when, and how do you separate the fact that you used to sleep with this person and love this person, and now you are just able to talk to them as though they were always the girl next door who you used to pull pranks with?! How do you do it? From personal experience I think it might be easier to separate Siamese twins that are conjoined at the skull with a dental pick. That sounds much easier than being friends with an ex!
Another part of why it is so hard for me to wrap my head around the whole concept and be ok with it is my insecurities. As women we are nearly trained to view other women as threats. And I see this woman as a threat. She has slept with my boyfriend. She knows intimate details about him. She has memories with him. It would be like Lee and McClellan being bffs at West Point before the Battle of Bull Run. They know all these secrets and weaknesses about each other.
Wouldn't it sometimes be easier to deal with the comfort of an ex than deal with the newness of a new girlfriend? Moreover, how does the family see you versus her? Do they like her better? Do they wish you were her? Or his friends. Did they like her better because she'd always bring them beer on poker nights?
I know that these are insecure thoughts, but I also know I am not alone in feeling this way about a boyfriend being friends with his exes. Women worry that they aren't good enough. And having a boyfriend chat up his ex in the most friendliest of manners, definitely can make you feel as though you might not be able to ever measure up. It's not like she is the ex he never talks to and you know you are much better than.
Nope, you're just sitting there, biting at your nails, wondering how it all works. And contemplating about those Siamese twins.
Now, in a perfect world, that does sounds great, right? They couldn't work it out romantically, but the bond was still there and its strictly platonic. Hell, there have been time I'd have killed to be friends with my exes. Well, some of them anyhow.
But the truth is, I don't talk to any of the guys who were my serious boyfriends. In fact, I only talk to one guy that I ever even dated and its not on a regular basis. Even when I want to be friends with them, they don't want to be friends with me. So that's why I feel I am partially anxious about the whole relationship.
I mean, where, when, and how do you separate the fact that you used to sleep with this person and love this person, and now you are just able to talk to them as though they were always the girl next door who you used to pull pranks with?! How do you do it? From personal experience I think it might be easier to separate Siamese twins that are conjoined at the skull with a dental pick. That sounds much easier than being friends with an ex!
Another part of why it is so hard for me to wrap my head around the whole concept and be ok with it is my insecurities. As women we are nearly trained to view other women as threats. And I see this woman as a threat. She has slept with my boyfriend. She knows intimate details about him. She has memories with him. It would be like Lee and McClellan being bffs at West Point before the Battle of Bull Run. They know all these secrets and weaknesses about each other.
Wouldn't it sometimes be easier to deal with the comfort of an ex than deal with the newness of a new girlfriend? Moreover, how does the family see you versus her? Do they like her better? Do they wish you were her? Or his friends. Did they like her better because she'd always bring them beer on poker nights?
I know that these are insecure thoughts, but I also know I am not alone in feeling this way about a boyfriend being friends with his exes. Women worry that they aren't good enough. And having a boyfriend chat up his ex in the most friendliest of manners, definitely can make you feel as though you might not be able to ever measure up. It's not like she is the ex he never talks to and you know you are much better than.
Nope, you're just sitting there, biting at your nails, wondering how it all works. And contemplating about those Siamese twins.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
I am going to talk a little politics mixed with some sociology in this post, so you've been warned.
"Don't Ask, Don't Tell," the military policy about gays serving has been repealed in the last few days. Now, what I'm going to be writing about has nothing to do with what side I am on. This isn't what my discussion is about. My point about the repeal is how the military and US government is going to work in marriage into the whole repeal.
Now, I know many of you are thinking "the repeal has nothing to do with gay marriage." Ok, you're right. On the surface it does not. I guess what I'm talking about is the possibility of an even larger outcry for legalizing gay marriage within the country.
Here's where I am coming from. When you are in the military, if you are married you receive BAH, which pays for your housing expenses. Your spouse is allowed to take part in your health care through the military. You are allowed to live on base housing together. Your spouse is recognized as your legal dependent.
Now that gays are allowed to openly serve (openly being the key word) I have a feeling that there is a good chance that in the next couple of years they will be clamoring for rights for their partners to be included in the rights that heterosexual military couples share.
Why? Well, I think that many gay service members will begin to see the injustice of the system. At least more so than they already do. They may have a long term partner, one they have been committed to for years (and probably longer than many privates have been to their spouses....), yet they are not capable of receiving the same benefits simply because they do not have a piece of paper that you pay $60 to file and $20 to register for down at the courthouse.
I think that with the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" there will be a greater push for gay marriage to be legalized, so that these men and women, who sacrifice their lives for their country, are able to provide for the one they love.
Let's face it, the institute of marriage, as far as control by the government is concerned is a reactive policy. People have been living together and separating for thousands of years. It is only under government that it becomes part of the jurisdiction of the law. Really, marriage and commitment is a matter of the human heart and its emotions. Government has sought to control it throughout the centuries. I think it is only a matter of time before gay marriage is part of the law and I believe that the repeal of this act will be a stepping stone for gay rights activists.
Feel free to react.
"Don't Ask, Don't Tell," the military policy about gays serving has been repealed in the last few days. Now, what I'm going to be writing about has nothing to do with what side I am on. This isn't what my discussion is about. My point about the repeal is how the military and US government is going to work in marriage into the whole repeal.
Now, I know many of you are thinking "the repeal has nothing to do with gay marriage." Ok, you're right. On the surface it does not. I guess what I'm talking about is the possibility of an even larger outcry for legalizing gay marriage within the country.
Here's where I am coming from. When you are in the military, if you are married you receive BAH, which pays for your housing expenses. Your spouse is allowed to take part in your health care through the military. You are allowed to live on base housing together. Your spouse is recognized as your legal dependent.
Now that gays are allowed to openly serve (openly being the key word) I have a feeling that there is a good chance that in the next couple of years they will be clamoring for rights for their partners to be included in the rights that heterosexual military couples share.
Why? Well, I think that many gay service members will begin to see the injustice of the system. At least more so than they already do. They may have a long term partner, one they have been committed to for years (and probably longer than many privates have been to their spouses....), yet they are not capable of receiving the same benefits simply because they do not have a piece of paper that you pay $60 to file and $20 to register for down at the courthouse.
I think that with the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" there will be a greater push for gay marriage to be legalized, so that these men and women, who sacrifice their lives for their country, are able to provide for the one they love.
Let's face it, the institute of marriage, as far as control by the government is concerned is a reactive policy. People have been living together and separating for thousands of years. It is only under government that it becomes part of the jurisdiction of the law. Really, marriage and commitment is a matter of the human heart and its emotions. Government has sought to control it throughout the centuries. I think it is only a matter of time before gay marriage is part of the law and I believe that the repeal of this act will be a stepping stone for gay rights activists.
Feel free to react.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sorbet
I don't know if any of ya'll have ever read The Between Boyfriends Book by Cindy Chupack, but it is an amusing collection of essays about that time between boyfriend A & B [see: Take It]. In one of her essays, Chupack talks about the "Sexual Sorbet," who is a guy that you sleep with after a breakup...in order to cleanse your palate.
Her argument is that you need to put some distance between yourself and your failed realtionship. Now, hopefully none of you are appalled or shocked by this entry yet. I mean, let's face it, men do it...and we shouldn't be all virginal about the whole concept either.
Now, neither Chupack or I am advocating sleeping around. First off, protect yourself and be smart about this. Second, there is always old standbys that many women keep around for when they are lonely [fact of life, people, just move on, and accept this entry!]. Use one of them if the prospect of putting another notch in your bed post makes you cringe.
And this isn't a means to enter into a relationship either. No, no, that's rebound and we are self-aware women and we know that we are not ready for that yet, emotionally. This is stickly a cleanser. Sorbet. Like one of those crazy cleanser-fasting diets that women go on to clean out the system. That's all we are talking about here.
You need to put some distance between you and your ex. You need it, believe me. I'm not saying it has to happen that very night. I am simply saying that when you think you are ready to cleanse the palate, when you are ready to leave that taste in your mouth behind, get some sorbet!
Sorbet is better than Listerine...trust me.
Her argument is that you need to put some distance between yourself and your failed realtionship. Now, hopefully none of you are appalled or shocked by this entry yet. I mean, let's face it, men do it...and we shouldn't be all virginal about the whole concept either.
Now, neither Chupack or I am advocating sleeping around. First off, protect yourself and be smart about this. Second, there is always old standbys that many women keep around for when they are lonely [fact of life, people, just move on, and accept this entry!]. Use one of them if the prospect of putting another notch in your bed post makes you cringe.
And this isn't a means to enter into a relationship either. No, no, that's rebound and we are self-aware women and we know that we are not ready for that yet, emotionally. This is stickly a cleanser. Sorbet. Like one of those crazy cleanser-fasting diets that women go on to clean out the system. That's all we are talking about here.
You need to put some distance between you and your ex. You need it, believe me. I'm not saying it has to happen that very night. I am simply saying that when you think you are ready to cleanse the palate, when you are ready to leave that taste in your mouth behind, get some sorbet!
Sorbet is better than Listerine...trust me.
Take It
I've learned that as I age, it is not emotionally healthy for a woman to enter into a rebound relationship; to trade her feelings for one man, and give them to another. I've learned that not only is it not nice to the new guy, but it is not very nice to yourself. Yes, you are hurt after a relationship, but giving your affection to a new one, isn't something the Surgeon General would suggest.
So how long before a break up do you start getting back in the saddle or sitting on the bench so that the coach will put you back in the game? Well, it depends. It depends on how the previous relationship ended. It depends on how long the two of you were together. It depends on how serious your feelings were and how serious your lives were intertwined. In other words, I've learned that while Charlotte may have claimed to shed some light on the subject ["It takes half as long as you were dating a man to get over him."], that might not always be the case.
It is something that each woman needs to feel out. When does the sight of pictures or thoughts of this previous suitor not make you cry? When do you feel like yourself again? When do you feel whole, not battered and bruised?
It might be difficult for many women to judge just how far along they have come in the moving on game in order to shy away from rebound. My suggestion? After you've taken a few weeks to yourself, go on a few dates. Meet some new guys. Consciously tell yourself to not get attached. I don't care if you tell yourself every minute of the day that you just want to focus on your career in order for you not to become attached to dates 1, 2, or 3. You'll be able to tell at the very least after 3 dates how far you have progressed (assuming you are somewhat self-aware to begin with).
However, let me lay down the law. Unless you dated the guy a month or less, 2 weeks is not enough time that you aren't trading your feelings in. Even if you were in an abusive relationship, 2 weeks is not enough. You need time to heal yourself, even if you aren't upset about the void of that certain man in your life.
Take it from a girl who never wanted any time between relationship A & B...take it. It is seriously the best thing in the world. I realize it now that I've had time to experience it.
Take a breath. Being on your own can feel amazing. Yes, its lonely. However, you have friends, and inform them that you will be using them to full capacity in the next few weeks, but that you will gladly reciprocate if that comes to pass on their end in the future. Do things for you. Treat yourself to dessert, a movie, a weekend getaway, all your guilty pleasures.
During this time think about you. Who you are, who you want to be, what you need to change or could improve on. Not what you did wrong, but just things you would like to see manifest differently in your next relationship. Self-awareness and self-evaluation are key. Reflection is a good thing.
I promise you, only good things can come of not jumping into being called "girlfriend" again.
So how long before a break up do you start getting back in the saddle or sitting on the bench so that the coach will put you back in the game? Well, it depends. It depends on how the previous relationship ended. It depends on how long the two of you were together. It depends on how serious your feelings were and how serious your lives were intertwined. In other words, I've learned that while Charlotte may have claimed to shed some light on the subject ["It takes half as long as you were dating a man to get over him."], that might not always be the case.
It is something that each woman needs to feel out. When does the sight of pictures or thoughts of this previous suitor not make you cry? When do you feel like yourself again? When do you feel whole, not battered and bruised?
It might be difficult for many women to judge just how far along they have come in the moving on game in order to shy away from rebound. My suggestion? After you've taken a few weeks to yourself, go on a few dates. Meet some new guys. Consciously tell yourself to not get attached. I don't care if you tell yourself every minute of the day that you just want to focus on your career in order for you not to become attached to dates 1, 2, or 3. You'll be able to tell at the very least after 3 dates how far you have progressed (assuming you are somewhat self-aware to begin with).
However, let me lay down the law. Unless you dated the guy a month or less, 2 weeks is not enough time that you aren't trading your feelings in. Even if you were in an abusive relationship, 2 weeks is not enough. You need time to heal yourself, even if you aren't upset about the void of that certain man in your life.
Take it from a girl who never wanted any time between relationship A & B...take it. It is seriously the best thing in the world. I realize it now that I've had time to experience it.
Take a breath. Being on your own can feel amazing. Yes, its lonely. However, you have friends, and inform them that you will be using them to full capacity in the next few weeks, but that you will gladly reciprocate if that comes to pass on their end in the future. Do things for you. Treat yourself to dessert, a movie, a weekend getaway, all your guilty pleasures.
During this time think about you. Who you are, who you want to be, what you need to change or could improve on. Not what you did wrong, but just things you would like to see manifest differently in your next relationship. Self-awareness and self-evaluation are key. Reflection is a good thing.
I promise you, only good things can come of not jumping into being called "girlfriend" again.
Define "Man"
"Country Man" by Luke Bryan is one of my favorite country songs. Rather than give you the lyrics, I'm just going to talk about what a "man" is. Because I think I have finally realized a definition of "man" [in contrast to "boy" or "guy"].
A man is someone who can take care of himself. Not only is he capable of taking care of himself in an independent manner, but he is more than willing to help out his friends when they are in need. He will move them across the country. He will get them out of a bad situation. He will calm them down when they are raging mad. He will give them the shirt off his back.
A man is loyal. He will care for his lady. He will treat her like a precious stone, one that he feels he has been entrusted to care for. He will protect her, but if she needs it, he will give her her independence. He does not smother her. He does stuff just to make her happy, like take out the trash without being nagged.
A man is responsible. He works. He gets paid. He provides. He does it the best he can. He tries very hard. He doesn't bail. Ever.
A man is the one who deserves a beer sometimes after a long day or project. A man is someone who sometimes needs to be alone to be with his thoughts, it doesn't mean he is ignoring you or mad. He just needs alone time to forget about all that he is responsible for in the world.
A real man has emotions. He isn't afraid to acknowledge that they are present in his body, even if he doesn't outwardly show on the surface. A real man gets angry, but he forgives and lets you know everything is ok and that he's forgiven you. A real man tells you what is on his mind. He doesn't play games with a woman. He will tell you if he is angry (or some other emotion) at you. [Think Noah in The Notebook: "I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass."]
I think most males are capable of reaching this "man" definition. However, I think for many of them it is just easier to stay in the "guy" zone where they can be assholes, treat many people badly, not be responsible, not understand their emotions or thoughts, and isn't willing to change yet.
A man is someone who can take care of himself. Not only is he capable of taking care of himself in an independent manner, but he is more than willing to help out his friends when they are in need. He will move them across the country. He will get them out of a bad situation. He will calm them down when they are raging mad. He will give them the shirt off his back.
A man is loyal. He will care for his lady. He will treat her like a precious stone, one that he feels he has been entrusted to care for. He will protect her, but if she needs it, he will give her her independence. He does not smother her. He does stuff just to make her happy, like take out the trash without being nagged.
A man is responsible. He works. He gets paid. He provides. He does it the best he can. He tries very hard. He doesn't bail. Ever.
A man is the one who deserves a beer sometimes after a long day or project. A man is someone who sometimes needs to be alone to be with his thoughts, it doesn't mean he is ignoring you or mad. He just needs alone time to forget about all that he is responsible for in the world.
A real man has emotions. He isn't afraid to acknowledge that they are present in his body, even if he doesn't outwardly show on the surface. A real man gets angry, but he forgives and lets you know everything is ok and that he's forgiven you. A real man tells you what is on his mind. He doesn't play games with a woman. He will tell you if he is angry (or some other emotion) at you. [Think Noah in The Notebook: "I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass."]
I think most males are capable of reaching this "man" definition. However, I think for many of them it is just easier to stay in the "guy" zone where they can be assholes, treat many people badly, not be responsible, not understand their emotions or thoughts, and isn't willing to change yet.
Catharsis
Catharsis is seriously the best feeling in the world. The feeling of just letting all of a certain type of emotion drain out of your body is an amazing feeling. It's relief, pure joy, happiness, sadness, and tension relief all rolled into one moment [or series of moments].
In many cases, its an act of letting go. Letting go of the past. Letting go of anger. Letting go of something you have no power to change. It's release.
Sometimes it takes the form of ripping up old photographs. Other times its burning love letters. Recently it was deleted someone from my phone and all the photographs of us from Facebook.
It might seem like such a small and perhaps even petty act in the grand scheme of things but there is something that shouldn't be messed with when it comes to emotions. You feel the way you feel, and there are times when it makes you feel good to be a little petty. Especially when it comes to an ex.
It was a cathartic act. It was release. You shouldn't begrudge me for that; for wanting to let go of the past in order to be emotionally free for the future.
In many cases, its an act of letting go. Letting go of the past. Letting go of anger. Letting go of something you have no power to change. It's release.
Sometimes it takes the form of ripping up old photographs. Other times its burning love letters. Recently it was deleted someone from my phone and all the photographs of us from Facebook.
It might seem like such a small and perhaps even petty act in the grand scheme of things but there is something that shouldn't be messed with when it comes to emotions. You feel the way you feel, and there are times when it makes you feel good to be a little petty. Especially when it comes to an ex.
It was a cathartic act. It was release. You shouldn't begrudge me for that; for wanting to let go of the past in order to be emotionally free for the future.
The Art of PR
So I have come to the conclusion that Facebook, for some people, is a Public Relations stunt.
It is a forum for where they get to post these amazing things about themselves and their lives. A place where they have their very own brag book of "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!" A place where the other siblings attempt to scream out for the world to notice them since being overshadowed by the youngest (or oldest) sibling for their whole life.
These PR stunts are not constricted to boastful statuses and photos. No, the emo, wrist cutting statuses are screaming out the same PR agenda to the Facebook world.
Some of these Facebookers write disparaging comments about thier significant others. No one wants to read about how your boyfriend went out tonight and that you're pissed when he wasn't home when you were. No one really cares about that sort of drama, except for other girls, who do the same thing. The fact is, the rest of us are judging you. I get it, you need to vent. That's what a text or phone call to a bestie is for.
I'm not saying don't put stuff out there for the world to see. Most of you I'm sure can think of someone on your friends list who you wish would stop posting __________. It's the excessiveness of their use of Facebook for PR purposes that irritates me.
They put their foot forward of who they want the virtual world to see them as. However, it might be in stark contrast to who they are in the real world. Just be real. It will seriously do the world a lot more good.
It is a forum for where they get to post these amazing things about themselves and their lives. A place where they have their very own brag book of "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!" A place where the other siblings attempt to scream out for the world to notice them since being overshadowed by the youngest (or oldest) sibling for their whole life.
These PR stunts are not constricted to boastful statuses and photos. No, the emo, wrist cutting statuses are screaming out the same PR agenda to the Facebook world.
Some of these Facebookers write disparaging comments about thier significant others. No one wants to read about how your boyfriend went out tonight and that you're pissed when he wasn't home when you were. No one really cares about that sort of drama, except for other girls, who do the same thing. The fact is, the rest of us are judging you. I get it, you need to vent. That's what a text or phone call to a bestie is for.
I'm not saying don't put stuff out there for the world to see. Most of you I'm sure can think of someone on your friends list who you wish would stop posting __________. It's the excessiveness of their use of Facebook for PR purposes that irritates me.
They put their foot forward of who they want the virtual world to see them as. However, it might be in stark contrast to who they are in the real world. Just be real. It will seriously do the world a lot more good.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Dislike Button Needed
First off I want to say that I am happy for couples who get engaged and married, especially my close friends. I am happy for those people who find that person in their life and want to grow old together. I am not a bitter single girl.
However, I do find it slightly annoying when you update the rest of the Facebook world with every little detail of your nuptial planning. Now I am not saying, don't post pictures together with your betrothed, nor am I saying don't put up loving status. If you're truely happy and feel blessed, put it out there. Scream it from a rooftop if you want. If it's all sincere, I have no problem with human emoition.
What I am griping about are the stupid, insignificant status updates that you post in order to scream to the world, "Look at me, I am so happy! I am getting my happy ending! Be jealous of me!" These girls create a world where they are the celebrity star! It's terribly annoying to find on my news feed.
Maybe you think I am bring judgemental, jealous, or bitter. I assure you, I'm not, but you can judge for yourself. Read these and lemme know what your initial reactions are.
"Watching my hubby eat his ice cream"-- Seriously?! You felt the need to update the world with that? I'll alert the media right away. This is breaking news...just like when Jessica Simpson lost her puppy.
"It's going to be SO hard waiting for our wedding bands to be made! They're absolutely stunning."-- It's December. You aren't getting married until May. Pretty sure, Emily Post would frown upon you wearing them before the big day as it is.
"Ugh, planning the wedding is hard work. Anyone know a wedding planner I can hire to do this stuff for me?"--Granted, getting all the details and plans finalized takes time, but really, isn't it supposed to be about the person you're spending your life with, rather than the details on china, the menu, the tablecloths, etc. No one will probably notice anyway...
It's times like these where I wish there was a "dislike" button on Facebook.
[And feel free to 'dislike' this entry. I encourage critical feedback.]
However, I do find it slightly annoying when you update the rest of the Facebook world with every little detail of your nuptial planning. Now I am not saying, don't post pictures together with your betrothed, nor am I saying don't put up loving status. If you're truely happy and feel blessed, put it out there. Scream it from a rooftop if you want. If it's all sincere, I have no problem with human emoition.
What I am griping about are the stupid, insignificant status updates that you post in order to scream to the world, "Look at me, I am so happy! I am getting my happy ending! Be jealous of me!" These girls create a world where they are the celebrity star! It's terribly annoying to find on my news feed.
Maybe you think I am bring judgemental, jealous, or bitter. I assure you, I'm not, but you can judge for yourself. Read these and lemme know what your initial reactions are.
"Watching my hubby eat his ice cream"-- Seriously?! You felt the need to update the world with that? I'll alert the media right away. This is breaking news...just like when Jessica Simpson lost her puppy.
"It's going to be SO hard waiting for our wedding bands to be made! They're absolutely stunning."-- It's December. You aren't getting married until May. Pretty sure, Emily Post would frown upon you wearing them before the big day as it is.
"Ugh, planning the wedding is hard work. Anyone know a wedding planner I can hire to do this stuff for me?"--Granted, getting all the details and plans finalized takes time, but really, isn't it supposed to be about the person you're spending your life with, rather than the details on china, the menu, the tablecloths, etc. No one will probably notice anyway...
It's times like these where I wish there was a "dislike" button on Facebook.
[And feel free to 'dislike' this entry. I encourage critical feedback.]
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
All Righty, Cupid!
My friend Dani lives and works in a big east coast city. Working crazy long hours in the city and not really knowing many people in the area has made it difficult to meet men, let alone get to go on a date with a man. As a way to meet men, she joined, what we like to call "the virtual bar" of online dating. There are cute guys, weirdo, creepers, and just plain nice guys who just want to meet a sane, normal woman.
At the virtual bar she has become acquainted with all sorts of men. Up until recently she has had a rather pleasant experience at the bar. Creepers were at a minimum. However, lately, she wonders whether or not the full moon is out, because the weirdness is coming out of the woodwork!
One potential noticed that she spoke another language. He then proceeded to write her nearly a page long message in Hungarian. While on the phone, explaining this situation to me, she exclaimed, "What if I write him a message in ancient Egyptian because I notice that he is of Egyptian decent. Here is some ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics for you honey! You're ancestors can read them, don't worry!"
At the virtual bar, the server asks you what age range you want your potential dates to fall between. Dani's limit is 31. She received a message from a man that started out... "I know I'm a little older than your range is..." So Dani, trying to keep an open mind, thinking she could probably date someone who was about 35. Nope. He was 52 years old. A little older?!?! Sorry, grandpa, but you should probably move your butt over to eHarmony before you dieeeeeee!
While these two are examples of amusing dating antidotes, there are also the more sinister and Jersey Shore-like offerings that are made during what appears at first to be a normal conversation.
One potential date started talking about football with her. The conversation then turned to what he thought about her looks. He thought she was really good looking...but he didn't stop there with the compliments. He then proceeded to compliment her body in detail, admitting what he liked about each tiny facet of her body...and that he'd hit that. Had they been dating and knew each other better, maybe this could have been laughed off or even served as foreplay. However, this was the first time they were meeting. The worse part was that he didn't understand that she wasn't being a prude about the situation, but rather was just trying to be a respected woman.
The second potential flop was a similar scenario. She was talking with this guy about how she liked working out, going to the gym, and doing yoga. He too enjoyed going to the gym. Great something in common------------Screeeeccch. "So if you're into fitness, can you "fit" my d*** in your mouth?" Excuse me?!?! Are you kidding me? The worse part was he tried to apologize over and over again for it, saying sometimes he says the wrong things, but he had always wanted to use that line before. Sorry, bud, but you aren't 16, you should be socially aware that it would be inappropriate to use that sort of "line" the first time you talk to a woman.
So, needless to say Dani is starting to get a little frustrated. She isn't looking to find Prince Charming today, tomorrow, or even next week...but she would like a decent, caring man to spend some of her time with. However, after some experiences like this, Dani looks up to the sky and screams, "all righty, Cupid, where is Prince Charming? I fold!"
At the virtual bar she has become acquainted with all sorts of men. Up until recently she has had a rather pleasant experience at the bar. Creepers were at a minimum. However, lately, she wonders whether or not the full moon is out, because the weirdness is coming out of the woodwork!
One potential noticed that she spoke another language. He then proceeded to write her nearly a page long message in Hungarian. While on the phone, explaining this situation to me, she exclaimed, "What if I write him a message in ancient Egyptian because I notice that he is of Egyptian decent. Here is some ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics for you honey! You're ancestors can read them, don't worry!"
At the virtual bar, the server asks you what age range you want your potential dates to fall between. Dani's limit is 31. She received a message from a man that started out... "I know I'm a little older than your range is..." So Dani, trying to keep an open mind, thinking she could probably date someone who was about 35. Nope. He was 52 years old. A little older?!?! Sorry, grandpa, but you should probably move your butt over to eHarmony before you dieeeeeee!
While these two are examples of amusing dating antidotes, there are also the more sinister and Jersey Shore-like offerings that are made during what appears at first to be a normal conversation.
One potential date started talking about football with her. The conversation then turned to what he thought about her looks. He thought she was really good looking...but he didn't stop there with the compliments. He then proceeded to compliment her body in detail, admitting what he liked about each tiny facet of her body...and that he'd hit that. Had they been dating and knew each other better, maybe this could have been laughed off or even served as foreplay. However, this was the first time they were meeting. The worse part was that he didn't understand that she wasn't being a prude about the situation, but rather was just trying to be a respected woman.
The second potential flop was a similar scenario. She was talking with this guy about how she liked working out, going to the gym, and doing yoga. He too enjoyed going to the gym. Great something in common------------Screeeeccch. "So if you're into fitness, can you "fit" my d*** in your mouth?" Excuse me?!?! Are you kidding me? The worse part was he tried to apologize over and over again for it, saying sometimes he says the wrong things, but he had always wanted to use that line before. Sorry, bud, but you aren't 16, you should be socially aware that it would be inappropriate to use that sort of "line" the first time you talk to a woman.
So, needless to say Dani is starting to get a little frustrated. She isn't looking to find Prince Charming today, tomorrow, or even next week...but she would like a decent, caring man to spend some of her time with. However, after some experiences like this, Dani looks up to the sky and screams, "all righty, Cupid, where is Prince Charming? I fold!"
Monday, November 29, 2010
It's a Crazy Town
Roll into town, step off the bus
Shake off the where you came from dust
Grab you guitar, walk down the street
Sign says Nashville, Tennessee
But I have found
It's a crazy town, full of neon dreams
Everybody plays, everybody sings
Hollywood with a touch of twang
To be a star you gotta bang, bang, bang
Bend those strings 'til the Hank comes out
Make all the drunk girls scream and shout
We love it, we hate it, we're all just trying to make it
In this crazy town -- Jason Aldean, "Crazy Town."
Last week I finally made it to Nashville! Now, unlike Jason Aldean, Luke Bryan, and Dierks Bentley, I wasn't there looking to be a star. Kristen and I went down I-65S looking to have some fun on a Friday night down on Broadway. And we did!
I loved Nashville instantly, as we rounded the corner of 3rd Ave to Broadway. There, on both sides of the street were bars with a band playing in each one. I had reached bliss. As Kristen and I tried to decide which one to go into first, I couldn't help but wonder if these were bars that some of my favorite country singers had performed at on a Friday night.
The street was alive and the bars were alive. They weren't terribly crowded, where you turned caustraphobic, but they weren't dead either. The bars we went into were a perfect blend of people. There were older people but also younger people. And what was blissfully pleasant was the absence of girls who were auditioning for the Jersey Shore.
And I felt alive with the combination of some amazing bands playing live and the chance to dance! I've felt alive when it came to inimate live bands performing since my 15th birthday when I saw Seven Day Faith at the Hard Rock Cafe. I love how loud it is. I love how you feel as though you are part of a performer's experience and memory in those settings. Not only are they helping you to have a great time, but you're helping them have a great night as well.
I could move to that crazy town and be a bartender at one of those places on Broadway and just be happy with life. Broadway would be my islands, without a doubt.
Shake off the where you came from dust
Grab you guitar, walk down the street
Sign says Nashville, Tennessee
But I have found
It's a crazy town, full of neon dreams
Everybody plays, everybody sings
Hollywood with a touch of twang
To be a star you gotta bang, bang, bang
Bend those strings 'til the Hank comes out
Make all the drunk girls scream and shout
We love it, we hate it, we're all just trying to make it
In this crazy town -- Jason Aldean, "Crazy Town."
Last week I finally made it to Nashville! Now, unlike Jason Aldean, Luke Bryan, and Dierks Bentley, I wasn't there looking to be a star. Kristen and I went down I-65S looking to have some fun on a Friday night down on Broadway. And we did!
I loved Nashville instantly, as we rounded the corner of 3rd Ave to Broadway. There, on both sides of the street were bars with a band playing in each one. I had reached bliss. As Kristen and I tried to decide which one to go into first, I couldn't help but wonder if these were bars that some of my favorite country singers had performed at on a Friday night.
The street was alive and the bars were alive. They weren't terribly crowded, where you turned caustraphobic, but they weren't dead either. The bars we went into were a perfect blend of people. There were older people but also younger people. And what was blissfully pleasant was the absence of girls who were auditioning for the Jersey Shore.
And I felt alive with the combination of some amazing bands playing live and the chance to dance! I've felt alive when it came to inimate live bands performing since my 15th birthday when I saw Seven Day Faith at the Hard Rock Cafe. I love how loud it is. I love how you feel as though you are part of a performer's experience and memory in those settings. Not only are they helping you to have a great time, but you're helping them have a great night as well.
I could move to that crazy town and be a bartender at one of those places on Broadway and just be happy with life. Broadway would be my islands, without a doubt.
 |
| Becky McCloud at The Stage |
Hope in Tennessee
I have never, up until this past October, cared much about college football. I have strictly been an NFL chick all the way. However, something changed back on 10.02.10. I fell in love with the Tennessee Volunteers. It was a casual thing; the game was on in the background as La, Ben, and I played with the new puppy. Yet, as the last few minutes of the game started to expire, I started rooting for the team in that pretty shade of orange that I have since, also fallen for.
On October 2, the Vols played LSU. The LSU Tigers marched down the field in an attempt to beat the Orange and White. There were only a few seconds left on the clock, LSU had to snap the ball to even have a shot at winning. They did, and their play collapsed around them.
Victory! Victory was Tennessee's!!! They beat the 12th ranked LSU Tigers!! Yay!!!
Eh, not so much. Although time had expired and players were shaking hands, there was a flag on the play. Tennessee had to stop celebrating and LSU had to stop being completely frustrated.
It turns out Tennessee's defense had gotten a bit discombobulated and rushed to get on the field, leading the Vols to have 13 men out there [rather than the 11 that rules allow for]. This gave LSU another chance. It gave LSU time on the clock for another shot at a play. This time LSU delivered and the outcome of the game changed just-like-that.
This is why I fell in love with Tennessee. They were so close to winning, but it was just snapped out of their hands. I guess I could relate to them back then. I had been so close to having my happy ending, but then, just-like-that, it was gone. Doesn't mean I won't be fortunate to have a different, or even better happy ending. It simply means the one I thought I was going to have at that point in time, was quickly taken from me.
In fact, I have a feeling that it will turn out just as good for me as it did for Tennessee. Although, the Vols lost all of their games in the month of October, they came together, and won all of their games during November, ending the regular season with a 6-6 record. And they qualified for a bowl game.
Maybe they didn't win against LSU. But the season ended better than they thought it would have back in October.
It's through Tennessee that I see hope. Hope for a new happy ending.
On October 2, the Vols played LSU. The LSU Tigers marched down the field in an attempt to beat the Orange and White. There were only a few seconds left on the clock, LSU had to snap the ball to even have a shot at winning. They did, and their play collapsed around them.
Victory! Victory was Tennessee's!!! They beat the 12th ranked LSU Tigers!! Yay!!!
Eh, not so much. Although time had expired and players were shaking hands, there was a flag on the play. Tennessee had to stop celebrating and LSU had to stop being completely frustrated.
It turns out Tennessee's defense had gotten a bit discombobulated and rushed to get on the field, leading the Vols to have 13 men out there [rather than the 11 that rules allow for]. This gave LSU another chance. It gave LSU time on the clock for another shot at a play. This time LSU delivered and the outcome of the game changed just-like-that.
This is why I fell in love with Tennessee. They were so close to winning, but it was just snapped out of their hands. I guess I could relate to them back then. I had been so close to having my happy ending, but then, just-like-that, it was gone. Doesn't mean I won't be fortunate to have a different, or even better happy ending. It simply means the one I thought I was going to have at that point in time, was quickly taken from me.
In fact, I have a feeling that it will turn out just as good for me as it did for Tennessee. Although, the Vols lost all of their games in the month of October, they came together, and won all of their games during November, ending the regular season with a 6-6 record. And they qualified for a bowl game.
Maybe they didn't win against LSU. But the season ended better than they thought it would have back in October.
It's through Tennessee that I see hope. Hope for a new happy ending.
 |
| Associated Press |
Work It
"I think you just try to make it work too much," were words uttered by my best guy friend, Walker. He was observing my latest relationship, all the effort I had put into making it work, leaving me frustrated and disappointed when it didn't. I thought relationships were supposed to be work. They weren't supposed to be something that just worked it self out; not with our different lives that we tried syncing. I mean you have to do some work to sync your iPod, why would a relationship be any different?
According to Walker, nope. Relationships are just supposed to play out naturally.
But...
The old saying goes, "marriage is tough work." Hello, it's another job, another duty, another commitment you have to juggle with the kids, house, bills, work, etc. So I wonder why a relationship, the thing before a big shinny ring & vows would be any different. All right, maybe there are less variables to consider, but if marriage is going to be work, wouldn't or shouldn't a relationship, marriage's precursor, also be considered work?
Now I'm not talking all-work-and-no-fun type of work. I'm just talking here, planning and communicating about wants and needs. Arguments over important issues. Staying with that person even when it would be easier to just get out and be alone. I guess what I mean when I say work, is that commitment to the other person, and making that happen in your life.
Maybe I do try too hard to make a relationship work with someone I actually like. It might be because there are, in reality, very few men who interest me to the degree that I would want something serious with them. There are very few guys who I can look at and think, yeah I might be able to handle waking up to this face every morning for the rest of my life. There are few men who I can stand in large doses. And when I do find that one who I enjoy spending every minute with and every minute thinking of, I desperately want to make it work with him.
Perhaps I need to put down my palm pilot [figuratively] and let fate, life, karma, and/or God just put all the pieces together. While it is only [type A] human to want to exert control over your life, it might be impossible when another person's schedule and feelings are involved.
So, maybe there is no reason to try to make it work in such a diligent manner...???
According to Walker, nope. Relationships are just supposed to play out naturally.
But...
The old saying goes, "marriage is tough work." Hello, it's another job, another duty, another commitment you have to juggle with the kids, house, bills, work, etc. So I wonder why a relationship, the thing before a big shinny ring & vows would be any different. All right, maybe there are less variables to consider, but if marriage is going to be work, wouldn't or shouldn't a relationship, marriage's precursor, also be considered work?
Now I'm not talking all-work-and-no-fun type of work. I'm just talking here, planning and communicating about wants and needs. Arguments over important issues. Staying with that person even when it would be easier to just get out and be alone. I guess what I mean when I say work, is that commitment to the other person, and making that happen in your life.
Maybe I do try too hard to make a relationship work with someone I actually like. It might be because there are, in reality, very few men who interest me to the degree that I would want something serious with them. There are very few guys who I can look at and think, yeah I might be able to handle waking up to this face every morning for the rest of my life. There are few men who I can stand in large doses. And when I do find that one who I enjoy spending every minute with and every minute thinking of, I desperately want to make it work with him.
Perhaps I need to put down my palm pilot [figuratively] and let fate, life, karma, and/or God just put all the pieces together. While it is only [type A] human to want to exert control over your life, it might be impossible when another person's schedule and feelings are involved.
So, maybe there is no reason to try to make it work in such a diligent manner...???
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Bayonet Wound
Why do they say that your heart is broken? When something is broken, it typically means it needs to be replaced. The bumper on my car for instance; has to be replaced after my brother smashed it into a few mailboxes. It can't be fixed.
A heart that hurts, from a love that left, is not a broken heart. It can't be replaced. The love from one man shouldn't be replaced by the love and affection of another man. That's called rebound. A heart gets stabbed when it is hurt by someone who you really were in love with. It is stabbed with a bayonet.
Bayonets are knife-like devices that can be attached to the barrel of a fire arm. Rather than shooting with a bullet (killing you, leaving you unfeeling) the bayonet would stab the opponent in hand to hand combat. Bayonets leave a + looking flesh wound in the victim. This makes it harder to sew and heal.
When your love decides he doesn't love you anymore, your heart isn't broken. Instead, its wounded by the bayonet. The stab wound is bleeding, gushing dark red fluid that quickly stains each of the white sterile towels that the attendants apply to the broken flesh. The doctors struggle to sew up the + shaped flesh wound, so that the bleeding will cease and the body will heal. It may only seem like it is a flesh wound; something on the surface, but it's not.
It is a wound that affects the muscle and tissue of the body. The muscle and tissue can not heal over night. Nerves will not grow back instantaneously. No, the bayonet leaves an injury that takes time to heal. Rehabilitation is necessary is most cases, depending on where the weapon left its mark. The wound is deep from the bayonet and will take many months to heal before the body feels like its old self again.
In the mean time, as the bayonet wound is healing, as the nerves, tissue, and muscle attempt to rejoin and restrengthen themselves, the victim tries to carry on with their previous life and activities. From time to time it is difficult; sometimes impossible; others without a hitch.
There are times when something makes you feel rejuvenated, wonderful, and full of happiness. Others there are times when you want to shut out the world, lie in bed all day, and cry until there are no fluids left to drain. Mostly though, there are the days where you simply trudge through, feeling the wound with every step but also feeling alive and thankful to be so after such an ordeal.
Such is the life of a victim of a bayonet wound. The good news is, there is a wonderful chance of survival and a fulfilling, happy life in the future, once the wound has healed itself.
A heart that hurts, from a love that left, is not a broken heart. It can't be replaced. The love from one man shouldn't be replaced by the love and affection of another man. That's called rebound. A heart gets stabbed when it is hurt by someone who you really were in love with. It is stabbed with a bayonet.
Bayonets are knife-like devices that can be attached to the barrel of a fire arm. Rather than shooting with a bullet (killing you, leaving you unfeeling) the bayonet would stab the opponent in hand to hand combat. Bayonets leave a + looking flesh wound in the victim. This makes it harder to sew and heal.
When your love decides he doesn't love you anymore, your heart isn't broken. Instead, its wounded by the bayonet. The stab wound is bleeding, gushing dark red fluid that quickly stains each of the white sterile towels that the attendants apply to the broken flesh. The doctors struggle to sew up the + shaped flesh wound, so that the bleeding will cease and the body will heal. It may only seem like it is a flesh wound; something on the surface, but it's not.
It is a wound that affects the muscle and tissue of the body. The muscle and tissue can not heal over night. Nerves will not grow back instantaneously. No, the bayonet leaves an injury that takes time to heal. Rehabilitation is necessary is most cases, depending on where the weapon left its mark. The wound is deep from the bayonet and will take many months to heal before the body feels like its old self again.
In the mean time, as the bayonet wound is healing, as the nerves, tissue, and muscle attempt to rejoin and restrengthen themselves, the victim tries to carry on with their previous life and activities. From time to time it is difficult; sometimes impossible; others without a hitch.
There are times when something makes you feel rejuvenated, wonderful, and full of happiness. Others there are times when you want to shut out the world, lie in bed all day, and cry until there are no fluids left to drain. Mostly though, there are the days where you simply trudge through, feeling the wound with every step but also feeling alive and thankful to be so after such an ordeal.
Such is the life of a victim of a bayonet wound. The good news is, there is a wonderful chance of survival and a fulfilling, happy life in the future, once the wound has healed itself.
Qualities
Do you see yourself the way other people see you? When I think about myself, I see all these amazing qualities; qualities that my best friends point out; qualities I'm told men would want.
But then I look around. I'm alone. I'm single. I come to the realization that I have had a very hard time in dating and relationships. And if I really am all these amazing qualities, if those are what are shinning through, then why is that the case? Shouldn't it be the opposite, even if at the moment I am single?
Is it me? Or is it the men I'm dating? I am not advertising the best of me? Or am I advertising the best so well, that when I reveal a part that is not-so-great, they want out immediately because I'm not what they expected?
I wish I had an answer or something that I understood to be true. So if you have one, let me know please!
But then I look around. I'm alone. I'm single. I come to the realization that I have had a very hard time in dating and relationships. And if I really am all these amazing qualities, if those are what are shinning through, then why is that the case? Shouldn't it be the opposite, even if at the moment I am single?
Is it me? Or is it the men I'm dating? I am not advertising the best of me? Or am I advertising the best so well, that when I reveal a part that is not-so-great, they want out immediately because I'm not what they expected?
I wish I had an answer or something that I understood to be true. So if you have one, let me know please!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Silence Now
I am not the type of girl who has regrets about something she didn't say to someone. In fact, I am typically the opposite. Usually, I regret saying too much. Regret keeping the conversation going, when it probably already should have ended or when it never should have been started in the first place.
You see, as a writer, I feel the need to explain. Explain how I'm feeling, explain the facts, explain the different sides to an argument. My entire upbringing in my discipline has been to explain, to add detail, and to make a thesis or central argument.
In relationships, I tend to do that as well. When discussing things, I tend to add too much detail. In arguments I tend to get angry when the other side isn't explaining and has resigned to minimal words in a sentence.
If I could learn how to do anything in this world, or perhaps just in this coming year, it would be to silence myself. To not ask for further explanation. To be at peace with the one that I am given, even if it doesn't make any sense and I really could use a further, in-depth look at the statement. No matter how much it is killing me not to have it explained any further.
You see, as a writer, I feel the need to explain. Explain how I'm feeling, explain the facts, explain the different sides to an argument. My entire upbringing in my discipline has been to explain, to add detail, and to make a thesis or central argument.
In relationships, I tend to do that as well. When discussing things, I tend to add too much detail. In arguments I tend to get angry when the other side isn't explaining and has resigned to minimal words in a sentence.
If I could learn how to do anything in this world, or perhaps just in this coming year, it would be to silence myself. To not ask for further explanation. To be at peace with the one that I am given, even if it doesn't make any sense and I really could use a further, in-depth look at the statement. No matter how much it is killing me not to have it explained any further.
The Back Up
There are stories, songs, and friends who all talk about it: Their back up. Not their back up plan that consists of adoption, moving to a foreign country, or being an accountant. I'm referring to their back up mate. The person that they go back to when they are single; the one who they have made a pact with that "if we're 40 and still not married, we'll be together"; the one they refuse to let go of for fear of being truly alone in this big world forever.
I used to have this man who was my back up. Actually I had two. Insurance purposes really. The first was my high school boyfriend Kevin. We dated on and off for over a year and a half, never wanting to be alone. On unspoken terms we had decided we were the back up for each other. While we might have cared about one another, we knew we just couldn't be right for each other. Then there was Jeremy, my crush from high school, who lived in another state. We'd chat about how we could be together one day, far, far in the future, because we did care about each other and maybe that's just how it was supposed to happen.
I don't have a back up anymore. Kevin and I no longer speak. Jeremy and I still talk, but I have decided to take him off my list as a back up. I don't want to talk to him only when I am single and lonely. I don't want to think that maybe all these heartbreaks, tears, and rejections will led to a road that is only my second choice. I don't want to believe that I will end up with someone, just because I don't want to be alone. That's not romantic, and it most certainly isn't even nice.
I can tell however, that Jeremy has not taken me off his list. That I am still, in his mind, his last resort to find happiness in this crazy and unforgiving world. But he should take me off that list. I don't like knowing that the only reason he speaks to me in volumes is when he is lonely and searching for a friend to care. I do care, I just want more than to be your back up.
I want someone who picks me as their first choice. Not someone who decides that he'll take the pasta dish because they are out of the 18oz Certified Angus Beef Prime Rib.
I want to have my first choice of prime rib too, even if I do love pasta.
I used to have this man who was my back up. Actually I had two. Insurance purposes really. The first was my high school boyfriend Kevin. We dated on and off for over a year and a half, never wanting to be alone. On unspoken terms we had decided we were the back up for each other. While we might have cared about one another, we knew we just couldn't be right for each other. Then there was Jeremy, my crush from high school, who lived in another state. We'd chat about how we could be together one day, far, far in the future, because we did care about each other and maybe that's just how it was supposed to happen.
I don't have a back up anymore. Kevin and I no longer speak. Jeremy and I still talk, but I have decided to take him off my list as a back up. I don't want to talk to him only when I am single and lonely. I don't want to think that maybe all these heartbreaks, tears, and rejections will led to a road that is only my second choice. I don't want to believe that I will end up with someone, just because I don't want to be alone. That's not romantic, and it most certainly isn't even nice.
I can tell however, that Jeremy has not taken me off his list. That I am still, in his mind, his last resort to find happiness in this crazy and unforgiving world. But he should take me off that list. I don't like knowing that the only reason he speaks to me in volumes is when he is lonely and searching for a friend to care. I do care, I just want more than to be your back up.
I want someone who picks me as their first choice. Not someone who decides that he'll take the pasta dish because they are out of the 18oz Certified Angus Beef Prime Rib.
I want to have my first choice of prime rib too, even if I do love pasta.
I Got a Feeling
My intuition speaks to me often. I get a feeling about most stuff in my life. This includes places I visit.
On my road trips, I have hit up a few different areas in Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Tennessee, Virginia, New York, North Carolina, and Georgia. And from there I have started to accumulate feelings for these places. Places I would love to live. Places I think are interesting to visit. Places I'd be content never seeing again.
When I go to these places, I get a feeling. I feeling that tells me exactly how I feel about that little place in this world.
The places I never want to see again are places that feel of hurt. There is destruction without a sense of hope permeating from its ground. It's not that these places aren't beautiful. They might be the prettiest vistas in the entire world, but the hurt, the hurt just lingers in the air like smoke from an old industrial chimney.
There are places that interest me. They hold a charming spell over my imagination and creativity. Mostly these places, like the most interesting of people, are descendants to a long, lively, and interesting past.
Then, there are places I would love to spend part of my time here in this world. Places that bring me hope and peace. That calm that restlessness in my soul by being restless for me. They are lively, interesting, wild, and beautiful. These places already feel like a part of me when I stumble upon them. I feel welcomed by the air that surrounds me. The welcome and the peace is whispered in the airs. It falls with the rain. I know that I am in a place that could possibly be intimately part of my world, future, and happiness.
It all comes from within me. I feel it. My intuition tells me that this place can be home for a gypsy soul.
On my road trips, I have hit up a few different areas in Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Tennessee, Virginia, New York, North Carolina, and Georgia. And from there I have started to accumulate feelings for these places. Places I would love to live. Places I think are interesting to visit. Places I'd be content never seeing again.
When I go to these places, I get a feeling. I feeling that tells me exactly how I feel about that little place in this world.
The places I never want to see again are places that feel of hurt. There is destruction without a sense of hope permeating from its ground. It's not that these places aren't beautiful. They might be the prettiest vistas in the entire world, but the hurt, the hurt just lingers in the air like smoke from an old industrial chimney.
There are places that interest me. They hold a charming spell over my imagination and creativity. Mostly these places, like the most interesting of people, are descendants to a long, lively, and interesting past.
Then, there are places I would love to spend part of my time here in this world. Places that bring me hope and peace. That calm that restlessness in my soul by being restless for me. They are lively, interesting, wild, and beautiful. These places already feel like a part of me when I stumble upon them. I feel welcomed by the air that surrounds me. The welcome and the peace is whispered in the airs. It falls with the rain. I know that I am in a place that could possibly be intimately part of my world, future, and happiness.
It all comes from within me. I feel it. My intuition tells me that this place can be home for a gypsy soul.
On My Highway
There is an all too familiar saying that states that "everything happens for a reason." It is followed by a statement that declares, "sometimes something good has to fall apart, so that something better can fall together."
While I do occasionally subscribe to the fact that better things can fall together after something falls apart, I often have time believing that everything happens for a reason. Mostly it is hard to believe that line because then I am searching for a reason why my dreams did not work out. An obvious sign that says, "well if that would have happened, this couldn't have." Oftentimes it is too hard to see that clear cut event.
However, for once, I see that "everything happens for a reason."
If I had still been with Maj, dating or married, these last 8 weeks or so would not occurred. At least, not the way in which they did.
I have been out on the highway for the last several weekends. I have traveled to cities that I have only ever really read or heard about. I have been able to see my best friends, who I haven't seen in months. I have gone to 2 amazing concerts that have helped healed my heart with passion, excitement, and adventure.
If Maj and I had been together I would have been spending my weekends in Fayetteville. I wouldn't have been able to go to my college's homecoming weekend with friends, gone to the Luke Bryan concert in Carrollton, rock the dance floor on Broadway St. in Nashville with Kristen, or randomly take a drive down to Gatlinburg.
In a way he was limiting my experiences and adventures. I just didn't realize it until I was forced to go alone on my highway.
Maybe things do happen for a reason...
While I do occasionally subscribe to the fact that better things can fall together after something falls apart, I often have time believing that everything happens for a reason. Mostly it is hard to believe that line because then I am searching for a reason why my dreams did not work out. An obvious sign that says, "well if that would have happened, this couldn't have." Oftentimes it is too hard to see that clear cut event.
However, for once, I see that "everything happens for a reason."
If I had still been with Maj, dating or married, these last 8 weeks or so would not occurred. At least, not the way in which they did.
I have been out on the highway for the last several weekends. I have traveled to cities that I have only ever really read or heard about. I have been able to see my best friends, who I haven't seen in months. I have gone to 2 amazing concerts that have helped healed my heart with passion, excitement, and adventure.
If Maj and I had been together I would have been spending my weekends in Fayetteville. I wouldn't have been able to go to my college's homecoming weekend with friends, gone to the Luke Bryan concert in Carrollton, rock the dance floor on Broadway St. in Nashville with Kristen, or randomly take a drive down to Gatlinburg.
In a way he was limiting my experiences and adventures. I just didn't realize it until I was forced to go alone on my highway.
Maybe things do happen for a reason...
Friday, November 12, 2010
Tomboy Predicament
The other day I went into the Education Office at the graduate school I'm attending. Dr. Werner, who I had as a guest speaker in one of my classes was there, was talking football with one of the office ladies. They went from talking about the quarterback to the offensive line. I stood their, patiently waiting my turn, of course, listening and judging this woman's lack-of football understanding.
I finally couldn't take it anymore. I interjected, "It isn't just a quarterback deficiency, but a lack of a strong and dependable offensive line to protect any quarterback since...oh well probably Jim Kelley, because even Flutie had only a half reliable O-Line."
The office lady just smiled at me, as Dr. Werner turned and asked where I learned about football. I explained to him that I started watching it with my dad when I was little and have since begun to understand and learn about the game, positions, etc. Dr. Werner was quite impressed with my dad's apparent genius in teaching his daughter about football. He then asked me if I consider myself a tomboy.
I laughed and said kind of. I didn't get into the fact that when I was younger I was most certainly a tomboy, but as I grew up I attempted to become more lady-like and girly. Still working on the balance between the tomboy and the lady. I also didn't indulge him in details that I love Chick Lit & Chick Flicks, shopping, flowers, but also love being able to boast that I can do 50 push ups in a minute, that I know how to weld, and can change my oil.
Well, he came to the conclusion that because I was a tomboy, that I must need a man who is, more feminine than I. Absolutely not, Dr. Werner!!! If I can do more push ups than I guy I'm dating, I'm sorry, but I'll pass. But this is where part of the predicament lies. I want a guy who treats me nicely and is sweet to me, but he needs to be tougher, stronger, and definitely more manlier than I am. Which often puts me in the situation of dating guys who resemble jock meat heads from a stereotypical high school movie more than anything else. Men who are actually overcompensating for something they feel they are lacking [or aren't aware that they're lacking].
Ahhhh the tomboy predicament: What kind of man do I need vs. What kind of man I want.
I finally couldn't take it anymore. I interjected, "It isn't just a quarterback deficiency, but a lack of a strong and dependable offensive line to protect any quarterback since...oh well probably Jim Kelley, because even Flutie had only a half reliable O-Line."
The office lady just smiled at me, as Dr. Werner turned and asked where I learned about football. I explained to him that I started watching it with my dad when I was little and have since begun to understand and learn about the game, positions, etc. Dr. Werner was quite impressed with my dad's apparent genius in teaching his daughter about football. He then asked me if I consider myself a tomboy.
I laughed and said kind of. I didn't get into the fact that when I was younger I was most certainly a tomboy, but as I grew up I attempted to become more lady-like and girly. Still working on the balance between the tomboy and the lady. I also didn't indulge him in details that I love Chick Lit & Chick Flicks, shopping, flowers, but also love being able to boast that I can do 50 push ups in a minute, that I know how to weld, and can change my oil.
Well, he came to the conclusion that because I was a tomboy, that I must need a man who is, more feminine than I. Absolutely not, Dr. Werner!!! If I can do more push ups than I guy I'm dating, I'm sorry, but I'll pass. But this is where part of the predicament lies. I want a guy who treats me nicely and is sweet to me, but he needs to be tougher, stronger, and definitely more manlier than I am. Which often puts me in the situation of dating guys who resemble jock meat heads from a stereotypical high school movie more than anything else. Men who are actually overcompensating for something they feel they are lacking [or aren't aware that they're lacking].
Ahhhh the tomboy predicament: What kind of man do I need vs. What kind of man I want.
Long Distance Relationship Girl
I've come to realize that I am the girl who gets herself into one long distance relationship after the other. I don't understand how I got here. I mean, I understand when it started (age 15, Jeremy in Georgia), but I don't know how I got to the point in my life where I seem to always have a boyfriend out of state. It's like that is what I am most comfortable with or something. And how did I get to the point, where I want a long distance relationship? Where the heck did that come from?!?!
I had a local relationship once. It was back in high school. Kevin and I lived a total of 8 minutes from one another. Then we both went to different colleges and I went to visit him nearly every weekend. I was living two lives. My school life; my boyfriend/social life. This is where it all started.
I transferred schools, to be at the same one as his. We only truly dated a total of 2 weeks while attending the same college. Next came Scott. He lived back at home, I lived down in Pennsylvania while going to school. He came to visit me. School during the week; boyfriend/social time on the weekend. Then came Brandon. We got together a few weeks before the semester ended. Work during the week; boyfriend/social time on the weekend as we both traveled to and from Pittsburgh.
When Brandon and I started our senior year together, I hated dating him much of the time. He wanted to be together all the time. He always wanted to know what I was doing. He was jealous that I spent much of my time doing sorority stuff. We did our homework together. I barely ever went out with friends, and when I did he would get angry with me if I got drank with them. I never wanted to go out to the bar with him or go to parties with him. He always wanted us to sleep in the same bed together. I couldn't stand being around him...yet the relationship dragged on throughout the fall semester.
Then came Zach. I knew him from high school and he had recently come back from a 15 month tour in Iraq when we started dating. He was stationed down in North Carolina. Zach and I were together about 6 weeks before I too, moved south. 3 weeks later, we had broken up, after I had moved down there, and attempting to have a local relationship.
Immediately after that I started to date Cerda. He too wanted to be around me all the time. He had a key to my apartment. We spent much of our free time together and he would text me constantly throughout the day. I acquiesced. I thought this was how local relationships worked. But I grew tired of it. I grew sick of him. I wanted to date other guys.
A little later came Maj. He left for a 12 month tour in Iraq right as we began dating. The longest, long distance relationship I have ever been in. There was line drawn in that relationship too. I have my life, he had his. We were together when he was stateside. And when we were together it was like a vacation. It was spent in hotel rooms and restaurants, living out of a suitcase. We had discussed me moving down to North Carolina once he returned from Iraq. I was nervous that he would get sick of me and break up with me; or that we would end up fighting constantly.
In sum: I have not had a local relationship that I have enjoyed since high school. And I do not remember how I split time between my life, my goals, my social time, and my boyfriend. I don't know that I really did then. So much was intertwined together because we went to the same high school and had the same group of friends. I don't remember how often we talked on the phone, or text. I don't remember how much time we spent together on the weekend.
I don't want to be this girl anymore, though. Being the Long Distance Relationship Girl is probably not going to get me Mr. Right...because Mr. Right will probably want to share the same address with me. Yet, I don't know how to bridge the gap. I don't know how to date locally. I don't know how I am supposed to keep separate, yet still co-mingle my social life with my career. I don't know how often I am supposed to talk to a local boyfriend. I haven't operated locally, and happily, since 2005.
I had a local relationship once. It was back in high school. Kevin and I lived a total of 8 minutes from one another. Then we both went to different colleges and I went to visit him nearly every weekend. I was living two lives. My school life; my boyfriend/social life. This is where it all started.
I transferred schools, to be at the same one as his. We only truly dated a total of 2 weeks while attending the same college. Next came Scott. He lived back at home, I lived down in Pennsylvania while going to school. He came to visit me. School during the week; boyfriend/social time on the weekend. Then came Brandon. We got together a few weeks before the semester ended. Work during the week; boyfriend/social time on the weekend as we both traveled to and from Pittsburgh.
When Brandon and I started our senior year together, I hated dating him much of the time. He wanted to be together all the time. He always wanted to know what I was doing. He was jealous that I spent much of my time doing sorority stuff. We did our homework together. I barely ever went out with friends, and when I did he would get angry with me if I got drank with them. I never wanted to go out to the bar with him or go to parties with him. He always wanted us to sleep in the same bed together. I couldn't stand being around him...yet the relationship dragged on throughout the fall semester.
Then came Zach. I knew him from high school and he had recently come back from a 15 month tour in Iraq when we started dating. He was stationed down in North Carolina. Zach and I were together about 6 weeks before I too, moved south. 3 weeks later, we had broken up, after I had moved down there, and attempting to have a local relationship.
Immediately after that I started to date Cerda. He too wanted to be around me all the time. He had a key to my apartment. We spent much of our free time together and he would text me constantly throughout the day. I acquiesced. I thought this was how local relationships worked. But I grew tired of it. I grew sick of him. I wanted to date other guys.
A little later came Maj. He left for a 12 month tour in Iraq right as we began dating. The longest, long distance relationship I have ever been in. There was line drawn in that relationship too. I have my life, he had his. We were together when he was stateside. And when we were together it was like a vacation. It was spent in hotel rooms and restaurants, living out of a suitcase. We had discussed me moving down to North Carolina once he returned from Iraq. I was nervous that he would get sick of me and break up with me; or that we would end up fighting constantly.
In sum: I have not had a local relationship that I have enjoyed since high school. And I do not remember how I split time between my life, my goals, my social time, and my boyfriend. I don't know that I really did then. So much was intertwined together because we went to the same high school and had the same group of friends. I don't remember how often we talked on the phone, or text. I don't remember how much time we spent together on the weekend.
I don't want to be this girl anymore, though. Being the Long Distance Relationship Girl is probably not going to get me Mr. Right...because Mr. Right will probably want to share the same address with me. Yet, I don't know how to bridge the gap. I don't know how to date locally. I don't know how I am supposed to keep separate, yet still co-mingle my social life with my career. I don't know how often I am supposed to talk to a local boyfriend. I haven't operated locally, and happily, since 2005.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Gym Time
I never used to like working out. I never had a gym membership. I never played "real" sports, except for one season of track...which I hated. I used to hate running long distances, opting instead to sprint instead.
However, since last winter, I have started to enjoy running, and now that it is cold again in Western New York, going to the gym. It is my release. I run for a half an hour in the nice, temperate conditions of an indoor track. Then, as my reward, my dessert, I treat myself to the hot tub and steam room.
I've found that the sweating is cathartic. It helps me release my tension. In a way I feel like it releases all the bad toxins, the bad thoughts, the hurt, and stress of the day. I start the process with running and then I complete it, just to make sure all the day is out of me by relaxing in the heat of the eucalyptus stream room. I instantly feel better as I've released the day away during my daily gym time.
Gym time. My favorite time of day.
However, since last winter, I have started to enjoy running, and now that it is cold again in Western New York, going to the gym. It is my release. I run for a half an hour in the nice, temperate conditions of an indoor track. Then, as my reward, my dessert, I treat myself to the hot tub and steam room.
I've found that the sweating is cathartic. It helps me release my tension. In a way I feel like it releases all the bad toxins, the bad thoughts, the hurt, and stress of the day. I start the process with running and then I complete it, just to make sure all the day is out of me by relaxing in the heat of the eucalyptus stream room. I instantly feel better as I've released the day away during my daily gym time.
Gym time. My favorite time of day.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Something You Miss
I don't know how to be something that an old boyfriend misses. I am always jealous of girls that I know who are dumped by their boyfriends, but then they end up coming back, asking for the girl to change her mind, sew up her broken heart, and give him another chance. I've never gotten that.
What is it about these women that they are able to entangle a man's thoughts so much, that they regret what they did and they come back to try for a second chance? Whatever the personality trait is, I'd like it. I would like to have that quality that an old boyfriend misses so much that he tries to get back into your life. I would love to be something you miss.
And what is it about him that I miss? Why do I miss him? Why would I even consider giving him another chance if he tried to get back into my life? After all the words that have been said, after all the tears that have been cried, after all the time apart, why do I still miss you? Why do I want to be that someone you miss?
Maybe I need to be something you miss so I feel validated as a large part of your life that you lost.
What is it about these women that they are able to entangle a man's thoughts so much, that they regret what they did and they come back to try for a second chance? Whatever the personality trait is, I'd like it. I would like to have that quality that an old boyfriend misses so much that he tries to get back into your life. I would love to be something you miss.
And what is it about him that I miss? Why do I miss him? Why would I even consider giving him another chance if he tried to get back into my life? After all the words that have been said, after all the tears that have been cried, after all the time apart, why do I still miss you? Why do I want to be that someone you miss?
Maybe I need to be something you miss so I feel validated as a large part of your life that you lost.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
I Enjoy...
I'm only me when I'm with you. Just a small-town boy and girl, living in the crazy world, trying to figure out what is and isn't true. And I don't try to hide my tears, my secrets or my deepest fears, through it all nobody gets me like you do. -Taylor Swift
Believe it or not, it is hard for me to open up. It is especially hard for me to open up when I am first starting to date someone. I am insecure and I wonder if I sound totally dull. Who wants to hear on a first date, that I love to read and write. What is this, 1814? Am I 54 years old? I'm 20something. I should love to go out, drink, dance, and have loud fun! I do like to raise a little hell, but I do also enjoy reading and writing a lot.
Point is, I don't like going on dates. I like relationships where you are free to be yourself and don't have to feel like you have to cover up your nerdy self.
Maybe I'm going about this all wrong. Maybe I shouldn't be covering up who I really am on a first date, but let's be serious. First dates are PR meetings. It's about appearance. Yes you want to start to get to know the other person to see if there is a real connection, but you also want to sound like this super amazing person, not someone who has all these idiosyncrasies and guilty pleasures. No one wants to get to know that person on the first date. Unless of course you happen to be dating a very mature gentleman who is anxious about meeting The Future Mrs. tonight!
But to get to the point where, "nobody gets me like you do" there must be dates. Dates where you don't reveal the whole, fascinating, unique you. Dating is like peeling back an onion. You have to go slow, because if you don't you might get an unwanted reaction.
Ugh! Tonight I'm staying in with my onion. I like onions better than first dates.
Believe it or not, it is hard for me to open up. It is especially hard for me to open up when I am first starting to date someone. I am insecure and I wonder if I sound totally dull. Who wants to hear on a first date, that I love to read and write. What is this, 1814? Am I 54 years old? I'm 20something. I should love to go out, drink, dance, and have loud fun! I do like to raise a little hell, but I do also enjoy reading and writing a lot.
Point is, I don't like going on dates. I like relationships where you are free to be yourself and don't have to feel like you have to cover up your nerdy self.
Maybe I'm going about this all wrong. Maybe I shouldn't be covering up who I really am on a first date, but let's be serious. First dates are PR meetings. It's about appearance. Yes you want to start to get to know the other person to see if there is a real connection, but you also want to sound like this super amazing person, not someone who has all these idiosyncrasies and guilty pleasures. No one wants to get to know that person on the first date. Unless of course you happen to be dating a very mature gentleman who is anxious about meeting The Future Mrs. tonight!
But to get to the point where, "nobody gets me like you do" there must be dates. Dates where you don't reveal the whole, fascinating, unique you. Dating is like peeling back an onion. You have to go slow, because if you don't you might get an unwanted reaction.
Ugh! Tonight I'm staying in with my onion. I like onions better than first dates.
Burn Book
Things NOT to Say. Sometimes if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all.
Boy to Girl he is dating: "You're a communist. I think Democrats are pure evil." Yeah, that will get you to the next date. Maybe you should have saved that comment until she got to eat her dessert.
Elections make people angry, ready to fling nasty words across the divide. Although I am a history major, I hate talking about elections. I understand that they help to decide the path the nation takes, but I hate them. They are typically nasty. Sometimes, particuarly, in recent elections, I have trouble seeing where the candidates stand on the issues when they are only worried about mud slinging with their opponent. What is this, kindergarten? Boys will be boys, but this is getting to be too much!
Digging up dirt isn't my favorite either. Its like they missed out in highschool. Or they were the ones who the Burn Book dised back in the good ol' days. Now its time for them to get back...well at least they are getting "back" at someone.
How the date continued...
Boy: "You're a communist."
Girl: "No I have more socialistic ideals that I think should be worked into our government."
Boy, nonchalantly: "So you are a communist."
Girl, enraged: "Open a freaking textbook and compare the definitions! Socialist and communists are not the same thing!!!!"
Boy, pompously: "I have and they are the same thing. I think I know more about politics then you do. I educate myself and read about this stuff all the time."
Girl: "I highly doubt that. I don't even think you know how to read if that's what you think the definitions are."
Boy: "And you would know? You went to college, that's it. Every one knows that colleges are the most liberal communities in the country."
Girl: "What did all those Republicans do with their youth?! Pretty sure they went to colleges in this country. How did they make it out alive then, without being turned into evil liberal-minded individuals."
Boy: "They went to private institutions."
Girl: "Check, please!"
Wow. Apparently dating has become just as mudslinging as recent elections. And this blog is the Burn Book.
Boy to Girl he is dating: "You're a communist. I think Democrats are pure evil." Yeah, that will get you to the next date. Maybe you should have saved that comment until she got to eat her dessert.
Elections make people angry, ready to fling nasty words across the divide. Although I am a history major, I hate talking about elections. I understand that they help to decide the path the nation takes, but I hate them. They are typically nasty. Sometimes, particuarly, in recent elections, I have trouble seeing where the candidates stand on the issues when they are only worried about mud slinging with their opponent. What is this, kindergarten? Boys will be boys, but this is getting to be too much!
Digging up dirt isn't my favorite either. Its like they missed out in highschool. Or they were the ones who the Burn Book dised back in the good ol' days. Now its time for them to get back...well at least they are getting "back" at someone.
How the date continued...
Boy: "You're a communist."
Girl: "No I have more socialistic ideals that I think should be worked into our government."
Boy, nonchalantly: "So you are a communist."
Girl, enraged: "Open a freaking textbook and compare the definitions! Socialist and communists are not the same thing!!!!"
Boy, pompously: "I have and they are the same thing. I think I know more about politics then you do. I educate myself and read about this stuff all the time."
Girl: "I highly doubt that. I don't even think you know how to read if that's what you think the definitions are."
Boy: "And you would know? You went to college, that's it. Every one knows that colleges are the most liberal communities in the country."
Girl: "What did all those Republicans do with their youth?! Pretty sure they went to colleges in this country. How did they make it out alive then, without being turned into evil liberal-minded individuals."
Boy: "They went to private institutions."
Girl: "Check, please!"
Wow. Apparently dating has become just as mudslinging as recent elections. And this blog is the Burn Book.
Wedding Hoopla
I'm going to speak generally here, so please forgive me, but am drawing on my own personal experience as well.
As a youthful 20something society we are wedding obsessed. I was the girl who claimed I didn't care about all that fussy, materialistic, Hallmark-driven accouterments on my wedding day. I claimed that all I wanted was the man who was promising to love me, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part. None of that other "stuff" was important; just him and me against the world.
But then I was proposed to. I got that beautiful diamond ring. Then we started thinking about the wedding. If we had be able to get married at the court house, not the jail, like we thought, none of this wedding stuff would have had to have been planned. Maybe then I wouldn't have become wedding obsessed.
The planning had started out innocently enough. I had only wanted to have my dad walk me down the aisle and dance with him at the reception (which Maj and I aptly named wedding celebration, not reception). But then came the flowers, the centerpieces, the tables & chairs, the tent, the church, the favors, the food, the cake, the music, photographer, the wedding party, the dress. What I didn't want to have was the bachelorette party, shower, wedding registry, engagement party, or engagement photos. I thought all that stuff was silly; that it wasn't necessary.
In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "The wedding got bigger than Big." In my case, the same was true. The wedding had become bigger than Maj. No matter how little money we spent on the occasion, I was in charge of many of the decisions, arranging for things that don't really matter in a marriage, and things I always claimed I'd never get involved in. I think that freaked him out & made him angry. Much of what I cared about was this one day in my life. Maj still mattered but there was tunnel vision on October 2.
Why? Why is the wedding day, the occasion, so important? Why is it the focal point of the happily ever after story? Why do even the girls who claim they don't want all that hoopla, end up falling in love with planning the special day?
Is it part of fitting in with all the other couples who have come before you and enjoyed those things? Is it about setting yourself apart from those who are unengaged and unmarried? Is it about status?
Unfortunately, I don't have the answer. But what I have realized throughout the whole wedding planning ordeal is that, I really would like some traditional wedding hoopla. Even the stuff I dismissed.
Every chapter should start with a hopeful, happy line that you hope to permeate throughout the remainder of the book. Same should be had on the wedding day. And if doing all the silly, materialistic mixed with traditional family & friend time, means I have let the wedding get a little big, maybe that's how it is supposed to be.
Mr. Bryan will just have to understand. And he will. Because he will truly love and understand me.
As a youthful 20something society we are wedding obsessed. I was the girl who claimed I didn't care about all that fussy, materialistic, Hallmark-driven accouterments on my wedding day. I claimed that all I wanted was the man who was promising to love me, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part. None of that other "stuff" was important; just him and me against the world.
But then I was proposed to. I got that beautiful diamond ring. Then we started thinking about the wedding. If we had be able to get married at the court house, not the jail, like we thought, none of this wedding stuff would have had to have been planned. Maybe then I wouldn't have become wedding obsessed.
The planning had started out innocently enough. I had only wanted to have my dad walk me down the aisle and dance with him at the reception (which Maj and I aptly named wedding celebration, not reception). But then came the flowers, the centerpieces, the tables & chairs, the tent, the church, the favors, the food, the cake, the music, photographer, the wedding party, the dress. What I didn't want to have was the bachelorette party, shower, wedding registry, engagement party, or engagement photos. I thought all that stuff was silly; that it wasn't necessary.
In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "The wedding got bigger than Big." In my case, the same was true. The wedding had become bigger than Maj. No matter how little money we spent on the occasion, I was in charge of many of the decisions, arranging for things that don't really matter in a marriage, and things I always claimed I'd never get involved in. I think that freaked him out & made him angry. Much of what I cared about was this one day in my life. Maj still mattered but there was tunnel vision on October 2.
Why? Why is the wedding day, the occasion, so important? Why is it the focal point of the happily ever after story? Why do even the girls who claim they don't want all that hoopla, end up falling in love with planning the special day?
Is it part of fitting in with all the other couples who have come before you and enjoyed those things? Is it about setting yourself apart from those who are unengaged and unmarried? Is it about status?
Unfortunately, I don't have the answer. But what I have realized throughout the whole wedding planning ordeal is that, I really would like some traditional wedding hoopla. Even the stuff I dismissed.
- I want a bachelorette party/outing with all my wonderful friends. It doesn't have to be Vegas style, just a great day & night with my favorite girls.
- I would like a shower. It means a lot to all my aunts and my mother to throw me a wedding shower and give me gifts to help create a new home and new life with Mr. Bryan.
- I still want my dad to walk me down the aisle. And I still have the song picked out for our Father/Daughter dance.
Every chapter should start with a hopeful, happy line that you hope to permeate throughout the remainder of the book. Same should be had on the wedding day. And if doing all the silly, materialistic mixed with traditional family & friend time, means I have let the wedding get a little big, maybe that's how it is supposed to be.
Mr. Bryan will just have to understand. And he will. Because he will truly love and understand me.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Revisit Fat Talk Free Week
I've already mentioned Fat Talk Free Week, which was established by Delta Delta Delta in 2008. Only 2 years, but this past October 35 college campuses took part in the Reflections program, to help women recognize that they need to love and be proud of their bodies.
Why is this so important?
Because as an educator I hear young girls in the hallway, as young as 7th grade, talking about how they don't like this or that about their bodies. In 7th grade girls should not be worried about how they look to boys. They should be worried about their homework, playing a sport, what movie they are going to watch with their friends that weekend, and understanding what a healthy life style means.
What it definitely does not mean is only salads for every meal a month before spring break. It does not mean spending 3+ hours at the gym every day in order to get slim.
Ladies, we need to be health conscious, not weight and size conscious! Do I eat my 5 required fruits and veggies everyday? Am I taking a multivitamin for women? Am I getting enough calcium? Is my heart healthy? These are things we should be concerned about when we are younger.
We need to be conscious of how we are taking care of our bodies, and only after full examination, decided whether or not that 21hour gym week is actually necessary to our over all health; mentally and physically.
Until then, Tri Delta to the rescue. Good thing Deltas look good in Sara Blakely's Spanx.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leslie-goldman/do-i-look-fat-in-this-don_b_767565.html?ref=fb&src=sp
Why is this so important?
Because as an educator I hear young girls in the hallway, as young as 7th grade, talking about how they don't like this or that about their bodies. In 7th grade girls should not be worried about how they look to boys. They should be worried about their homework, playing a sport, what movie they are going to watch with their friends that weekend, and understanding what a healthy life style means.
What it definitely does not mean is only salads for every meal a month before spring break. It does not mean spending 3+ hours at the gym every day in order to get slim.
Ladies, we need to be health conscious, not weight and size conscious! Do I eat my 5 required fruits and veggies everyday? Am I taking a multivitamin for women? Am I getting enough calcium? Is my heart healthy? These are things we should be concerned about when we are younger.
We need to be conscious of how we are taking care of our bodies, and only after full examination, decided whether or not that 21hour gym week is actually necessary to our over all health; mentally and physically.
Until then, Tri Delta to the rescue. Good thing Deltas look good in Sara Blakely's Spanx.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leslie-goldman/do-i-look-fat-in-this-don_b_767565.html?ref=fb&src=sp
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